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Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Who will deny that when you meet someone for the first time it is looks over personality?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (26798points) June 26th, 2011

A logical inevitable part of humanity. When people first meet another it is always pie before any other thought proceed. Put people in a room with pie on the table and tell them they can chose any they wanted, most will go to the pie that looks the plumpest, has the flakiest looking crust and the best color. They are not going to scrutinize if it is the sweetest or had filling all the way to the top or anything like that. They are not going to gravitate to the pie that looks overcooked, kind of flat, somewhat hollow, or with a hard crust. You really will not know what you really have in the pie until you cut into it. The ”good-looking” pie might not have enough filling and it might not be sweet or very chewy. Same with people, the homely looking parson may have a beautiful golden sole but if no one gets past the crust, they are greatly out of luck. When men and women see each other over the salad bow, at a bar or club, on some cruise, etc. they are not thinking “he/she” surely is a nice person with a heart of gold”, they are looking at features and sizing the person up as being worthy of more serious consideration. What first draws you to another person you want to spend close time with is not their personality because you can’t see the personality, you learn that only after they have the right ”pie”. Sure, some people are with a SO that doesn’t look like a GQ or bikini model they usually knew the person first through familiar circle or work, so they interactions over a span of time. Off a first meet who will actually say it was not like pie? When there might be mere moments to grab that other man/woman’s attention, show me how looks do not come into play, before personality?

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12 Answers

bob_'s avatar

Blind people?

King_Pariah's avatar

When does personality come before looks on first encounters? Well considering I haven’t met any of you face to face, I’d say I’ve had to pay attention to the personality that flows from your fingertips rather than your figure. And some of you seem pretty damn kinky and I like it. lol

Plucky's avatar

I go to the flavour of pie that I know I like.

I’m assuming you are meaning “meet” as in in person rather than online.

One thing you must remember, not everyone desires the same physical traits in a person. Something you find unattractive can be very attractive to someone else. Something as simple as the way someone smiles can be attractive to another. It can be the way someone carries themself they stand and walk. And I’m not just talking sexually attractive.

Of course looks come into play. But some people put all their money on the looks (that first impression). And that’s where they go wrong. Is there something wrong with them that they are not hearing what the person is saying, and how they’re saying it, when “meeting” this person for the first time? I can meet someone who has attractive physical features until they open their mouth.

I don’t doubt that people tend to gravitate towards people they view as attractive at first (for both friendship and/or courting). The important thing is that emotionally mature people don’t count on it. The physical appearance attracts our attention…but the personality keeps our attention. You mentioned the word “meet” in your question. That means we are obviously in conversation with the person at that point. The way a person converses can change their physical appearance incredibly. Shallow people don’t even let it get that far. They stop after physical appearance. It almost seems like these are the people you are referring to in your question.

Or…maybe I’m just weirder than the general populace.

I hope I made some sense, I feel like I was all over the place.

Neurotic_David's avatar

I will deny it. I have been in love with four women in my life. Three of them I remember the very first time I met them, and all three times it was an instant personality-driven connection that turned out to be very real and very meaningful.

In more casual situations do I agree with your premise? Yes, Ithink so. But in some of the most important introductory moments in my life, it was much deeper.

tedibear's avatar

I agree with you, @Hypocrisy_Central. In that first physical meeting, appearance is what is first noticed. How can it not be? You haven’t talked to the person yet, you haven’t seen them interact with others, you’ve gotten few if any signals about who they are inside. It certainly explains the “Hey, would you introduce me to your roommate,” conversations I lived through.

This is why online dating worked okay for me. I had an opportunity to communicate & interact with men before they saw me. I believe that it made the first date easier for them because they knew that they would at least get decent conversation. Eventually, it’s how I met my husband. We “talked” online for about two weeks before we talked on the phone and eventually went out. It helped me to give him little glimpses into who I am as a person, and it was easier for him as he is a bit shy.

@PluckyDog – Yes, you made sense. “The physical appearance attracts our attention…but the personality keeps our attention.” I’ve heard other men say this and I think it’s probably true. I would hazard a guess that many people (men and women both) will continue to give a boring or shallow good-looking person a longer opportunity to show something good about their personality. Those people who are “the pie that looks overcooked, kind of flat, somewhat hollow, or with a hard crust,” to quote @Hypocrisy_Central are not going to get as much of an opportunity to shine.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

People that are full of bowshit,that’s who. XD

Dutchess_III's avatar

Is it just me or are we suddenly inundated with ESL people and it’s rubbing off on @Hypocrisy_Central!!!

tedibear's avatar

@Dutchess_III I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one who wondered. Or that maybe it was a drunk Fluther..

Dutchess_III's avatar

I just saw, like, three oddly worded questions by unknown users…and then this one! Drunk is an acceptable excuse. WE LOVE YOU @HIPPY CENTRAL!!!!

I think I disagree. When I was playing the game, I spend the first few minutes trying to get a feel for a guy’s personality. Those are the make it or break it moments. To me, there is something about a glance, a set of the shoulders, a smile, a movement that attracts me far more than plain old good looks. A certain…body language would cause me to look twice, not good looks.

yankeetooter's avatar

I will deny it too…the last person I fell for, it was all about the personality…only after I was head over heels in love with him did he become the best looking guy on the planet. (And he’s rather good looking, but I just didn’t notice this about him until I got to know him.)

throssog's avatar

Looks are of little import to me – personality, the ‘who’ of who you are matters.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

When I meet someone for the first time, I pay attention to how he or she treats me… and others. That is more important to me than what the person looks like. I wonder if this has to do with growing up with a Dad who doesn’t like wearing a suit and tie at all… ? He’ll go to work parties in jeans and a t-shirt without caring what anyone thinks. He’d even go to court like that. Strangely enough, he still ends up earning people’s respect. The way he presents himself shows that he doesn’t feel that his clothes define him. He is himself through and through at all times and doesn’t like the idea of dressing up just to impress other people when he doesn’t want to. Somehow, it works for him.

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