Social Question

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

Single guys in your 30s...What are your thoughts on dating older women? 40 to be exact.

Asked by Crossroadsgrl (922points) July 4th, 2011

Are any of you specifically looking for older women, or is it that if you have chemistry it doesn’t matter the age? Do you consider us out simply because we’re 40? Also, how does the divorced with three kids scenario honestly play into your interest in dating someone older? How much of what your friend’s think goes into you dating an older divorced woman? I’m wanting to ask a younger single out who has not been married and does not have kids. I’m not sure of his age but would guess around 36. I’ve been interested in him for over a year, but it wasn’t appropriate to make a move. How would you guys want to be approached?

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15 Answers

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

Women of that age should approach me bluntly.

Friends have zero to do with it.

There are a lot of slightly older women around I find very attractive, but I hesitate because they have kids. Not that I mind them having kids, I just worry about the logistics, etc…, being a big disruption in their lives, and hesitate.

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Aster's avatar

My brother in law married my sister when she had THREE kids all in grade school !! After she died he told my mother, “I want a woman without kids” and he married one of my sister’s best friends.

Scooby's avatar

When in my thirties & single I was never interested in taking on another’s family, just because I have no tolerance for kids but that’s just me… there are loads of guys out there who like the idea of a ready made family so long as they’re not hidden in the background from the onset of a relationship…. A friend of mine married a woman of forty two who had five kids still living at home.. He’s in his element :-/ the mad fool….
I’m in my forties now & prefer to be single, still I like the company of women so long as they leave the kids at home…

Aster's avatar

Sounds like a good plan @Scooby ! If I were a man I’d think like you.

poisonedantidote's avatar

28yo male here.

I for one would have no problem with an older woman, for a 28 year old, 40 is a little much, but I have found my self checking out older.

Out of “40, kids and divorce”, the word divorce is the one that jumps out at me as a negative, I imediately interpret it as meaning that if I want a relationship with that person, not only do I have to accept her and her kids, but some guy who I really could not care one bit about.

There would need to be a big incentive for me to go out with a 40 year old woman with kids, it would need to be offset with personality.

Scooby's avatar

@Aster

I know a couple of single women who have ended relationships with single fathers because of issues with their kids, they do think like me now :-/
It works both ways…...

dabbler's avatar

@Crossroadsgrl I hope you don’t mind my observations, I’m not single any more, but when I was in my 30’s I had two ‘girlfriends’ (not at the same time! Serial monogamy) who turned 40 while I was with them. I liked that they had been around the block and had already figured out a lot of practical stuff – so they weren’t hoping I would solve those problems for them, they wanted my company.

The kids are a different factor, but if you’re honest about your situation, it could be a plus for a guy who went into the relationship with his eyes open. @Imadethisupwithnoforethought smartly points out that logistics could be the biggest factor here. (How to work out intimacy with kids around?)

Coloma's avatar

@Scooby

Yep, I have zero interest in dating anyone with younger kids, actually, I have zero interest in dating at all now. lol

The last guy that I dated had kids 12 & 14 and of course they came first, but, my girl is almost 24, been there, done that, nope, the guys gotta have adult kids now that do not live at home anymore, IF, I were to date again. haha

chyna's avatar

That is not a huge age difference. I was six years older than my ex and he never brought up the subject as it was a non-issue to him.

filmfann's avatar

When I was 23, I dated a 40 year old woman for a month.
In the final tally, I wasn’t what she was looking for. I have no idea what i lacked, other than maturity.

in my defense, I am 55 now, and still lack it

jlelandg's avatar

Wouldn’t a relationship like that usually be based on sex drive? I fear that my girlfriend, who’s sex drive is not quite up to mine, will wake up one day and the roles will be reversed. I hope not.

Aethelwine's avatar

I have two sisters who are 49 and 51. They are both divorced (one with two children in college) and are now dating men who are 15 years younger than them. both my sisters look 35 if not younger. 50 is the new 35 I guess. ;)

You’ll never know unless you ask the guy. If he says no, it wasn’t meant to be. But you won’t know unless you try.

Good luck!

Scooby's avatar

@Coloma
I hear ya, it just gets too complicated if the kids are still at home, besides I’ve never been good a being tactful, always putting my foot down where is shouldn’t have been :-/

Adult kids can be a pain in the arse too ya know……. They think the parent is being selfish dating again from my experience of others kids & at least should be home by ten, alone.. Lol……. I’m still looking myself, for part time love only, no strings ;-) Lol……

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

…this guy above recently tried to “follow me on Twitter”, whatever that implies. I haven’t used my Twitter account in a year and forgot it existed. I hadn’t talked to him at all in 6 weeks, haven’t SEEN him in over a year, when he created the account and within 3 days used it to get in touch. I’m 40 he’s 35. I told him I didn’t prefer to use Twitter but over the next week asked him if he’d like to meet for coffee. He said he had too much respect for my ex husband, ...which I can’t comment on that it’s for another post, but…ya so I guess he said no. He DID add though that he was seeing someone. So after following me on Twitter, he pretty much blew me off with two different comments lol. Oddly, I’ve moved on but have a feeling he’s going to re-appear weeks from now. Thanks for the advice though…my kids already know him, and he was great with them, charmed them I guess, in the very short time he was around them. But it’s a no go for right now.

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