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DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Women: Have you ever had a crush/dated/loved a much younger man?

Asked by DarlingRhadamanthus (11266points) September 21st, 2010

I watched a UK reality show recently (it was archived) called “Regency House Party”. The participants were to come together for a summer long sojourn at a manor house in the English countryside. It was to copy the famous “house parties” that were thrown during the era of Jane Austen mostly to bring together genteel women of marriageable age with gentlemen who were looking for a wife. The people who participated in the program had to eat, dress, sleep, wash, live, entertain themselves exactly as one would during the late 17th/early 18th century. This was to be a very old-fashioned reality dating show (so to speak.)

The young women (looking for a husband) were chaperoned by an older woman (as they would have been back then). The older women were usually wealthy aunts or cousins who wanted to marry their relative off to someone of means. So, what you had were a group of attractive girls being chaperoned by older women while the young women were attempting to find a husband.

In the most interesting twist of story…one of the young men found none of the pretty girls interesting at all. This handsome young man of 33 fell in love with one of the chaperones! He was quite handsome and it was a scandal (in the show as it would have been back then). I thought it was fantastic! :) She was (I found out later) 58 and was not at all botoxed or lifted…she was attractive, but not stunning. She tried to push him away, but he was persistent. Get this…in the end…none of the girls that were paired off ended up with any of the young men. But this couple…stayed together and dated for a good while. He wanted the relationship, but she felt he needed to have children. It was definitely a deep soul connection. He pursued her. You could see it.

We see Demi Moore with Ashton and Madonna with Jesus Leon…have you ever dated/been attracted to a much younger man? Do you feel that age doesn’t make a difference? Do you sometimes find that younger men are more open emotionally? Yes/No? If you have, what did you like/not like about it?

When Michael Douglas married Ms Zeta-Jones there was a bit of a hubub, but acceptance. Why is it so different for women when they do the same?

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15 Answers


No, I never encountered one that was mature enough at the time I was single.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Nope. Much younger than me is usually considered a sex crime.

tragiclikebowie's avatar

How many years younger would you consider much younger?

KatawaGrey's avatar

I’m not sure if mine is the exact perspective you’re looking for but I will answer anyway.

When I was 18, I dated a 16-year-old boy. The age difference doesn’t seem like that much but when you’re in high school, two years can make a pretty big difference. The greatest issue was his emotional youth. His own mother is a cold creature incapable of love and so he turned to me as an older female who loved him and wanted to take care of him.

I realize my situation was a little odd considering the age difference was not all that great but I imagine there are a relatively high number of young people who seek the love and attention a parent did not give them in an older partner. For my ex, two years Well, in truth, between a year and two years was old enough to consider me a mother-substitute.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@KatawaGrey…Yes, in high school that would be the equivalent of ten years!
@tragiclikebowie…I was thinking of ten years or more.

I did mean of legal age, of course!

Coloma's avatar

I have been approached by quite a few younger guys in their late 20’s to early 30’s when in my 40’s and up to fairly recently. lol

I have had a mild crush on someone who was about 13 years younger than me, that was a stretch.

No. I am really not attracted to much younger men, I’m not even attracted to men my own age. hahaha

delirium's avatar

I slept with one who was 17 when I was 21 as a favor of sorts and making good on a promise that I’d made him a few years back.
Apart from that, nada. I like older men, usually.

BarnacleBill's avatar

I used to work with a woman who was 40 and dated a 25 year old. She looked young for her age, and didn’t consider herself a cougar.

YARNLADY's avatar

Not that much younger. I was 32 when I met my husband of 35 years, and he was 24.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@BarnacleBill….Thanks for using that word…as it opens it up to another thought.

A “cougar” is such a predatory word…and it’s interesting that it’s used to describe women who date younger men. It paints such an unfair picture. While there might be predatory women (like men)...I think most women are shocked at the attraction they warrant or the attraction they feel for younger men.

tragiclikebowie's avatar

My aunt has had a couple boyfriends who were 10 or so years younger than her, but I can’t say that I blame them. She is a beautiful, vibrant woman. She has also had multiple guys in their 20s actively pursue her, but she always turns them down. She always sees age as just a number, it’s more the emotional maturity she is worried about.

I don’t actively seek out younger men but I have been involved with a few. When I was 21 I had a very short lived relationship with a 17/18 year old. In two of my more serious relationships both guys were a year younger than me. And recently I have had a crush or two on some younger men. I think the only hesitation I would have would be whether they were interested in a serious relationship or not if they were X amount of years younger than me.

I think that sometimes, age really just is a number. Other times it can impede the relationship, but I’ve known some very mature teenager and very immature adults. It all depends on the person. I don’t have a problem with it and it wouldn’t stop me from pursuing someone unless it was innapropriate, of course.

I’ve also gone after older guys, though. When I was 19 I was unofficially engaged to a 24 year old.

nikipedia's avatar

When I was a 21 year old SAT tutor I totally had a crush on my 17 year old student. He was awesome.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@tragiclikebowie….I agree with you. Age really is just a number. (Within reason, anyway.) I remember when I was in my 20’s, I dated a man who was in his late 40’s. We went to this diplomatic function and people kept asking him, “Oh, is this your daughter?” LOL He had white hair (so it was understandable!) But I never thought of our age difference and that’s not why we parted.

I am approached by younger men all the time, and sometimes don’t quite know what to do. I don’t look my age—I was blessed with good genes. I suppose. I often have thoughtful, interesting conversations with them. I don’t sit and think, “Ooo, what does he want?” I’m just happy to talk to someone with whom I feel a connection The social stigma doesn’t seem to emanate from them…it come from older people and society in general.

Sending lurve to all who answered…and hope others contribute their experiences. (Well, I just tried to send lurve to all….and it didn’t let me do it….I’ll keep working on it. Don’t know what happened.)

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Just to clarify…..I was speaking of women of the age of Sarah Jessica Parker (for example) with 20 somethings…or Madonna with Jesus. Forty-year-olds with twenty-somethings or fifty-year-olds with thirty-somethings. Two decade differences and not going below the twenties. I was not speaking of older women with anyone younger than that.

That would be a bit off-the-beam and just wrong.

Kardamom's avatar

Yes, only one time, and once was quite enough for me. I was 30 at the time and he was 25. We had lots of things in common, which was one of reasons why, eventually, after trying to talk myself out of it, got invovled. The reason I tried to talk myself out of it in the first place was specifically the age thing. Females tend to mature earlier than males, so with a man five years younger than me, I really couldn’t see us ever being in the same place in our lives, although he tried to convince me otherwise. He did have a lot of great qualities. He was smart and handsome and funny and we had, and still have, a lot of common interests and common friends. In the end, though, he wasn’t ready to be in a comitted relationship. He was too young and hadn’t yet finished playing the field yet, something he failed to mention to me. It’s too bad, though, because if I had known then, what I know now, we could have simply been good friends without having the “benefit” of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and an ugly breakup. Once you’ve been in love with someone and you find out that things are not what they seem, you can never go back to being just friends.

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