Social Question

JLeslie's avatar

Women: Is it ok if your husbands do whatever makes them happy?

Asked by JLeslie (56537points) July 8th, 2011

I asked men on this question if they prefer their wives don’t work. Several men said they were ok with whatever their wives want to do. Is the reverse true? Are women ok with men who want to stay home? Let’s say there are no children, can men do the cooking and the cleaning and you are ok with it?

Does the amount of money you have as a couple matter? For instance if you make a great salary then are you more inclined to be ok with the situation? If your salary is not very big, are you willing to live a very modest life because your husband pefer not to work?

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16 Answers

MissA's avatar

If you are both in agreement, that’s all that matters. Period.

poisonedantidote's avatar

Guy here, taing advantage of females answering the last question to say: @MissA that sounds like a very wifeish way of saying no. :P

MissA's avatar

@poisonedantidote Not at all. I meant what I said! Wifeish? Nope.

MissA's avatar

@poisonedantidote Were you talking about ‘your’ wife? :P

Bellatrix's avatar

My husband is excited by the work he does outside the home. It makes him happy and we both enjoy spending time talking about our work outside the home, our plans for future developments and our future ambitions. We work in totally different fields but are very supportive of each other’s goals. He (and I too) is invigorated by the opportunities to engage with other people outside the home. I think he would be quite miserable if he was to stay home during the day. Even if he was kept busy doing things around here (and I am sure he would be), I think he would be mentally unchallenged. So, while I would be happy for him to make that choice if it was what he really wanted and we could afford it financially, I doubt he would ever ask for that opportunity and I think our relationship would suffer because he would not be mentally fulfilled. You can reverse the point made here and apply it to me staying home too.

I have been a stay-at-home mum with children and I have worked out of the home, and I am not happy being at home. I had formal paid work from home for a few years and was always busy but I missed the interactions with others very much.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Of course. He does brilliantly inside and outside the home so whatever he wants to do, he can.

nikipedia's avatar

I would love to be able to make enough money to support my family whether or not my partner worked. I am still some years away from that, though.

If my future husband wants to do all the cleaning, I can definitely get on board with that. Cooking, though, I think should be shared and fun.

laureth's avatar

If he quit, we couldn’t afford everything on just my salary. That limits things. (It’s not just a matter of economizing and living frugally, it’s really about numbers.) If we had kids and I made a lot more money, it would be fine.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

No. If I made enough money to support both then that would be fine as long as my partner kept up our home. I would not be okay living a modest life so he could avoid working. I’m sure I would feel resentful if he didn’t want to improve our means.

This is a discussion I’ve had with my fiancee. He says one of the things he respects about me most is that I’m willing to work so that he feels there is some safety, some cushion if he suddenly should lose his job, change his job or whatever. Me, I’d never considered I wouldn’t work unless we were so well off that we had security in place to well afford the lifestyle we both want.

Our attitudes match in that if we could afford for the other to not work then there are other things that could be had or pursued but those things have to do with the ease and/or improvement of means for us both. It helps to discuss and be comfortable in agreement with what kind of lifestyle you want and how you want to care for those around you.

Supacase's avatar

It depends. Is it just because he wants to? I probably wouldn’t like that. If he had a reason, like raising our daughter, and I made enough money to allow him to do that without putting us in a bad financial situation, then sure. He’s better at keeping house than I am anyway – and yes, I do consider that to be mainly the responsibility of whichever person stays home. Staying home isn’t a vacation.

Either way, we agree that we will both work once she starts school. Our financial situation isn’t dire, but we could definitely use the additional income.

YARNLADY's avatar

We share most household duties, but his abilities and interests make him the ideal candidate for being the wage earner, and I am the homemaker. We don’t feel compromised by our traditional roles.

athenasgriffin's avatar

If I have to work, he has to work. I don’t have a husband, but I don’t see myself gleeful over having a househusband.

Plus, I like my alone time. I can’t imagine enjoying someone always being home.

augustlan's avatar

If I were the main breadwinner and could support us both, I’d be ok with him staying home. As long as he cooks me dinner!

My ex-husband and I always said that if I could earn the money he did, we’d have reversed things in a minute. He’d have been the stay at home parent and I would have gotten a job. Those roles would have suited us much better, but he made way more money than I could have.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

When my SO and I met, we were both working. I was making twice, maybe thrice, the amount of money that he does. There were many long discussions about what we wanted out of life. Had we decided that it would be better if he moved to the US and not work, I would have been fine with it. He is a good cook and keeps his house clean. He is also quite handy at fixing things. What he could contribute to the relationship as a househusband is worth just as much, if not more, than if he had a job with an income.

Seaofclouds's avatar

As long as we can afford it, my husband can stay home if he wants. I don’t mind being the breadwinner and I’d actually prefer one of us being home with our children.

Aethelwine's avatar

My husband can bring in more money than I can, even though I’m the one with a college degree. something is wrong with this picture

If I could make more money than my husband and he wanted to stay home with the kids more than I wanted to, I wouldn’t have a problem. I do see our future though. I see my husband retiring and doing what he wants while I work in my 50s and 60s (maybe longer) to help support the blonde duo. I have no problem with this. Our children will have had a parent home when they needed one, and I’ll be able to get away from my husband when he is old and grumpy. ;)

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