Social Question

bob_'s avatar

What are the pros and cons of dating you? Have they changed over time?

Asked by bob_ (20858points) August 5th, 2011

I asked this question about a year ago, and thought it’d be a good idea to see what the new users would have to say, and if the people who answered then have any changes they’d like to tell us about.

So… What are some things about you that would make people want to date you? What are some things what would make them not want to date you? What’s the balance?

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79 Answers

Hibernate's avatar

Feel free to try it and see them for yourself.

redfeather's avatar

the boys like my boobs
I dunno, I don’t think I’m that awful, but guys are never interested. Maybe I’m too freakin hot and intimidating… yeah… that’s it…

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t dress well
I don’t wear deodorant
My glasses make my eyes look tiny and squinty
My car is full of dings and dents
I have two kids living at home
I’m married

Ok. No need to go on, is there? No dates for me.

Blackberry's avatar

@Hibernate Lol.

I’m not dating material right now, because I’m too apathetic, cynical, and young. It doesn’t matter how great she is, I still see her as a ball and chain lol. It would be nice to meet a woman that was as carefree as me, but in general, some women just want someone to claim. This is just my opinion.

But I do dress nice, I’m friendly and can hold conversations, I can be funny, and there’s not a mean bone in my body. I’m the typical nice guy that may fall into the friend zone, but without the lack of confidence.

blueberry_kid's avatar

Bad things:
I always wear my hair up, once in a rainbow Moon down. (Too curly.)
I’m not skinny
Sometimes, my breath smells horrendous
I have and want a lot of piercings.

Good things:
I have curly hair
I shower enough to not smell like shit (3x a day)
I always wear pretty earrings
I love to laugh, and I’m really down to earth and nice
I read alot, and I’m studious (Not sure if thats bad or good)

Okay boys…take your pick.

redfeather's avatar

@Blackberry, you also know great YouTube videos from episodes of Cops. You should definitely add that to your list.

Blackberry's avatar

@redfeather That’ll really reel the ladies in lol.

redfeather's avatar

@Blackberry maybe a lady officer. With handcuffs!

nikipedia's avatar

I’m going to assume this is not just dating, but dating-with-the-potential-to-marry?

Pros: I have an interesting-sounding job, and I think guys I date both enjoy hearing about it, and like bragging about me. I stay in relatively good shape and have a pretty generous boob situation. I have informed opinions. I do things efficiently. I am extremely competent. I am willing and particularly able to make one common sexual fantasy come true. I am an enthusiastic lover, and generally GGG. I am a good problem solver. I can make a lot of food that tastes very good and is very good for you. I will bring new, interesting people and things into your life often. I have no interest in monogamy.

Cons: I probably think I’m smarter than you, and will tell you what you really think/feel sometimes. I don’t make enough money. I have a lot of debt. I can be really irresponsible about annoying things, like paying parking tickets. I watch very bad TV. I have infrequent, but consistent periods of sadness. If one of your friends says something stupid and/or offensive, there is a good chance I will openly be an asshole to him forever. I am late to 90% of things. I have no interest in monogamy.

Edited to add: Some of these things have changed over time. A lot of them were always there and I got better at identifying them, especially the cons.

Coloma's avatar

Pros: I am bright, caring, funny, love to entertain, have a great little house in the hills that I love to share, am a good cook, and very mentally/emotionally stable, good communicator, lively and humorous personality.

Cons: I will not EVER live with you, marry you, or put up with any character flaws.
If you want a wife, I’m not your girl!

linguaphile's avatar

Dating is the Arctic zone with a serious radiation problem right now for me. Don’t go there. growling

IF I was dating… Pros: I can talk about almost any topic, I can be funny, am really creative, adventurous and know great places to go, have a crazy streak with jetskis and snowmobiles, I really do care when I care, I’m not fake by any means, I see the good in people, and once I’m a friend I’m loyal to a fault. What you see is what you get (wait, is that a good thing?!)
Cons: I’m standoffish and very shy at first, I can be intense, I’m not attractive by “society’s standards,” can seem critical when I notice the littlest things that almost everyone else overlooks, and feel my feelings strongly (flip side of being creative, I guess).

Even if I wanted to date right now, the ink’s not dry on my freedom papers yet, and I have a pair of rabid-toothed kids who are ready to blowdart any potentials out of existence.

nikipedia's avatar

Alternate answer:

Pros: I have the prettiest smile, am the perfect crush, have the neatest bookshelves, and know about miles and kilometers and stuff.

Cons: I deny the existence of banana nut ice cream.

TexasDude's avatar

Pros: I am extremely devoted, I’m sweet. I’ll pretty much do anything for you.

Cons: I’ve been described as “dispassionate” which I think is bullshit, but whatever. I need my alone time often to be happy. I have a hard time getting excited about a lot of people. I’m really kind of shy and I get much too nervous to make “first moves.”

TexasDude's avatar

@redfeather I think it’s because I’ve dated a lot of girls who like to fight, and when I wouldn’t fight back, they would be all like “you’re so dispassionate! I just want to get a reaction out of you but you won’t give it to me!”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Ah yes, I remember this Q, it was great. I don’t things have changed much. I want someone who’s very open minded and they’d have to be okay with polyamory, queerness and gender non-conformity. Those aren’t cons though, in my mind, but to people, they are. The pros are intensity and excitement, I will keep you on your toes, in all senses.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m pretty much the same as when I first posted except I’m off the market now. I can say I clean up well, look good with makeup or without, short or long hair, jeans & tee or elegant dress, camping/fishing/boating or in a 5-star restaurant or out to a symphony performance. I can be elegant and sophisticated and also a clown. When I’m good, I’m very good and when I’m bad then I still get cheers. Mixing with people of different cultures and/or lifestyles doesn’t intimidate me, I don’t feel out of place, it’s intriguing to me.

Jellie's avatar

pros: open to experimentation/new experiences, make my own money so won’t hog yours, love a good laugh and not at all clingy

cons: may seem cold at times, may be too independent for a guy’s liking, very opinionated, tendency towards being unfaithful

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

My answers last year were:
“Pro? I’m a people pleaser. I like to give people what they want.
Con? I have a tendency to get depressed.”

Still applicable.

Mariah's avatar

I will not get pissy at you about little things. I do demand respect, but I’m never going to storm off because that jewelry you bought me wasn’t expensive enough, or something. In fact, I will never want or expect you to buy me anything and would much rather be independent than be treated with traditional “chivalry.” I can and want to take care of myself. In short, I’m pretty low-maintenance.
I am always up for deep and intellectual discussion. There’s very little I love more, in fact.
I live a unique and interesting life and as we get close I will let you in on many various facets of it.
I will listen to you.

I will not have sex with you. I am just not ready.
I’m not sure I know how to fall in love. I’ve only dated once, and he treated me well, but I just couldn’t develop strong feelings for him, hard as I tried.
I have my own life and I’m not going to compromise much. Of course I’ll make concessions where it’s reasonable in order to be a decent friend, but I will not drop my hobbies, other friends, or other parts of my life that are important to me in order to spend more time with you. Sorry.
I require quite a bit of alone time, and I expect you to be respectful of my considerable energy limitations. I can’t do everything.
I’m conversation impaired and have a tendency to say odd and “out of place” things when I try to make small talk!

Looking at these lists, it’s pretty obvious why I’m single, huh.

They have changed as I’ve developed more self respect and am less willing to bend over backwards or make unreasonable sacrifices in the name of a relationship.

Blackberry's avatar

@Mariah Yeah, the alone time is a total deal breaker.

boxer3's avatar

I’m pretty down to earth. I can appreciate socializing, and doing fun adventerous things, from mountain climbing- to clubing (ha!) However I also appreciate nights at home, or walking around the Blvd.- just enjoying someones company, or my own company…I not too needy. The minimum I need from a SO is respect, and honesty. I’m pretty damn forgiving if you’re honest with me. .. butttt.

I’m also really busy most of the time. two jobs, full time student, and an athlete-
and I generally squash the idea of a committed relationship pretty quick, however I always stay honest. I also may be a touch jaded, and I’m pretty damn sure I’ll never end up getting married.

ehhh. that’s life.

Blueroses's avatar

Pro: Enthusiastic about ideas and words. I love brainstorming and finding humor in everything.
Con: Not great with follow-through. Details bore me.

Pro: Great cook. I love trying new recipes and ethnic dishes.
Con: Hate cleaning up. Just hate it.

Pro: Sexually adventurous and enjoy pleasing a partner.
Con: The idea of one partner for life scares me more than snakes – and that’s saying something.

That’s probably enough listing to get the pattern. I’m wired for amusement, not long-term reliability.

AshLeigh's avatar

Oh boy… XD
I have an amazing body. ;)
I don’t put out. :P

bob_'s avatar

@AshLeigh Depending on what state you live in, what you see as a con might be pro, for legal purposes.

AshLeigh's avatar

@bob_ I’m legal. :P Therefore it’s a con for most people of the male gender. :D

CaptainHarley's avatar

Pros: I know what I’m doing and have more experience in my little finger than most men have in their entire body!

Cons: My wife would probably kill you.


redfeather's avatar

your little finger sounds dirty.

AshLeigh's avatar

Don’t want to think about the things @CaptainHarley does with his little finger…

Jude's avatar

Pros: I have a good income and love what I do
I’m petite and have cute figure
I’ve been told that I’m attractive by others
I’m pretty confident and don’t have a problem interacting with others
Empathetic and sympathetic (sometimes, too much)
I love my family dearly and will go out my way to help them and those whom I love
I have a sense of adventure, and a calm nature
I’m great with kids (they call me the “kid whisperer”) and will make a great Mama someday
I have a great sense of humor and am bright
I like sex and I’m a good lay. I like to be dominant during sex

Cons: too hard on myself
feisty and mouthy at times
I don’t do well with authori-tay!
I have a hard time getting things started, sometimes
not as as enthusiastic about some things as I should be

Jude's avatar

I found this from when bob last posted this question:

I was told this the other day:
I need you. I adore you. Your sense of humor, the way I feel in your arms, your sense of adventure, the way you are there for your family, your kindness toward others, the way everyone’s eyes light up (especially mine) when they talk to you….there are sooo many things that I love about you..those are just a few…your creativity, sense of style and beauty, the way that you do understand what is really important in life, I just could never let you go. You’re amazing.
My cons: I tend to be late (I’m working on it), and I’m feisty (I’ll rip off your Tchotchkes and feed them to you (stuff them down your gullet)) if you don’t treat me well, and I am a bit stubborn.

I’m still very stubborn.

OpryLeigh's avatar

The pros – I enjoy sex, I like to take care of my appearance, I love to laugh and I am very loyal if I love you.

The cons – I worry about everything and if I can’t get hold of you on the phone for longer than half an hour I freak because I assume you must be dead, I don’t express myself very well when I have a problem and so I am more likely to sulk in an arguement.

All of the above have stayed the same since I started having relationships.

TexasDude's avatar

@Jude marry me?

@Mariah I’d date the hell out of you. I like independent girls who don’t bitch about petty bullshit who appreciate the benefits of alone time.

AshLeigh's avatar

Haha. I like how @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard asks one girl to marry him, and tells another one he’s “Date the hell out of them” all in one post. GA. XD

TexasDude's avatar

@AshLeigh that’s just how I roll :D

MilkyWay's avatar

Pros: I’ll last all night, and most probably in the morning too.
I’m open to ideas, can cook, dress smart, an artsy kind of person. I’d say I am intelligent, fun and adventurous.
Cons: I’m like a clam. You’ll have to work pretty hard to make me open up. I’m a shy person. I’m also a tad bit possessive, but I think I can get over that.

CaptainHarley's avatar


Think about my little finger as you retire tonight! Mwahahahahaha! : D

incendiary_dan's avatar


- I’m a fantastic cook. That has only gotten better with time.
– I can will survive the zombie apocalypse. That’s fairly comforting, according to my partner. :P
– I am capable of carrying on conversations about a variety of subjects, even those that make little to no sense. This is as true today as it was eight and a half years ago when my partner and I first got together, and in fact that was a big part of why we’re together.
– I don’t treat women in ways that infantilizes them or makes them dependant, and in fact quite the opposite. I encourage independence. (except in my cooking, because I do almost all of it around the house)


- I tend to procrastinate.
– I often forget to do things. I’ve started making lists to help with that, but sometimes I forget to check the lists.

redfeather's avatar

@CaptainHarley nooooooo thank you haha

Bellatrix's avatar

I think some of my positives could be negatives and vice versa. This is also very subjective.

I am interested in people and can put people at their ease.
I am confident and self-assured but not in an arrogant, boorish way.
I am very (too) approachable.
I can be very funny and often have the people around me laughing.
I am intelligent.
I am good at my job and can be quite assertive.
I am financially secure.
I will try anything once.
I don’t play games. What you see is what you get and I really can’t be bothered with game playing.
Men know where they stand with me.
I am told I am attractive.

I know I am intelligent and won’t pretend otherwise.
I can be too confident for some people.
I listen to people but I also talk, A LOT!
I can be a bit loud and excitable.
I don’t feel any need to pretend.
I can intimidate people (apparently!!!)
I am not skinny.
I don’t see myself as being very attractive.
When they were dependent on me, my children always came first.
I am driven.
I can be selfish.
I don’t like housework.
I forget to keep in touch with people because I am wrapped up in my work.
I never give up.
I hate being controlled.
If you push me, I am more likely to do the opposite.
I can be demanding.

I write too much and there are so many ‘I’s there…

boxer3's avatar

@redfeather , just cracked me up- and at first I felt bad about thinking it was funny, but I don’t anymore after realizing @CaptainHarley has a real life wife. ha. oh man .

blueberry_kid's avatar

I also don’t give a crap about stupid shit. But, I didn’t know whether to put it as a good or bad thing.

JLeslie's avatar


- I like to learn new things
– See new places
– I’ll tell you how wonderful I think you are (I really mean it if I am dating you)
– I find little things that are special to me about you and let you know when I notice them, like my husband special wrinkle by his right eye.
– I understand men typically need some peace and quiet.
– When I first see you walk in the door or when you pick me up I smile, I am happy to see you.
– I love spending time together, but am fine if you are doing your own thing also (well, I guess it depends how many hours or days you are doing your own thing.
– My cooking is ok. I’ll make you pipian, and carnitas, and pollo con salsa verde, and chuleta empanizado, and frijoles charros, and ensalada con limón (haha those are special for you @bob_ ) and a few italian dishes, and lox and bagel in the morning, and more.
– I am a saver more than a spender. I am happy with relatively modest things, but I am savvy in the materialistic world, so if that is where you are at I can fit in fine.


- I have some health problems.
– I need to lose 10–15 pounds
– I tend to have too much regret and dwell on things out loud, which can be annoying to the people around me.
– I don’t keep a perfect house, there is always a few piles of paper in my office and in the kitchen many times also. (I am good at keeping things clean though, it is just the putting away I am lazy about).
– I am a little freaky about germs when it comes to catching an illness, not normal germs that are around us. If you get sick I will stay far away from you. If you need my help I will help you, but then wash my hands and sleep in a different room.
– I have a little bit of a temper, can raise my voice a little too quickly, but never physically violent, and I prefer to talk things through than yell, but if you prefer to not discuss a misunderstanding or disagreement that passive attitude pushes my buttons.

Not sure if these are pros or cons

- I almost never drink.
– I love watching TV together.
– I am not keen on getting flowers, I like more practical gifts typically, and I things that do not dissapear or die in a week.
– I don’t like dogs very much.

CaptainHarley's avatar


You have NO idea! ROFLMAO!

CaptainHarley's avatar


LMAO! Mwahahahaha! : D

bob_'s avatar

@JLeslie Tu esposo es un hombre muy afortunado.

JLeslie's avatar

@bob_ Muchas gracias. Actually the health problem have been a really difficult problem on and off. It can overtake the good things. Not feeling well and dealing with the health system takes a big toll.

blueberry_kid's avatar

@JLeslie and @bob_ Estudes saben espanol?! Ooh! Por que no me dehistes nada?! Yah sabia que @bob_ ablava espannol, pero @JLeslie ? Nada?!

JLeslie's avatar

@blueberry_kid My Spanish is pretty good, not great. @bob_ Is a Mexican living in Mexico.

blueberry_kid's avatar

@JLeslie I know! He lives in Monterrey. We had a whole conversation in Spanish. I’m pretty fluent.

another good thing!!!

JLeslie's avatar

@Blueroses Mi esposo es un Chilango. Soy Gringa. LOL.

CaptainHarley's avatar


[ Waggles his little finger at you and leers! ] : D

AmWiser's avatar

Pleasant, down to earth, faithful, fun to be with, charming, smart….the list goes on and on. But alas, I’m already taken.

Bellatrix's avatar

And you have the cutest piggy tails @AmWiser.

MacBatman31's avatar

Dating me is pretty filled with both, I think.
I’m a rugby player, people have a fear of that breed of person.
I enjoy a good laugh anytime.
I can be serious.
She doesn’t have to drop everything and be all over me.
I’m independent.
I play sports, so even when I make a fool of myself, I try to show off.

I’m a big boy, so get ready to eat.
I like to drink, even when she doesn’t.
I’m posessive, not overly posessive, but I can be pretty bad.
I’m the jealous type.
I use the fact I am a big, bad rugby player to my advantage to other guys.
And I have a thing for being insecure once in a while.
Oh, and I worry about my weight a little too much

TexasDude's avatar

Oh yeah, @MacBatman31‘s post reminded me… I have a fiery jealous streak. I mean a really bad one.

MacBatman31's avatar

Happens to the best of us, but with women, I’ve noticed, you’re either too jealous, or not jealous enough. Its a load of crap!

Jellie's avatar

You know, on paper, there’s a lot of fit lads/girls on here…

boxer3's avatar

@CaptainHarley , On what I have no idea about. On second thought,, maaayybee I shouldn’t ask questions. haha.

AshLeigh's avatar

Please keep your little finger away from me. :-)

CaptainHarley's avatar


Nooooo! I intend to wiggle it at you until you faint! Mwahahaha!

CaptainHarley's avatar


How very wise you’ve become since joining Fluther! : D

AshLeigh's avatar

@CaptainHarley I’ve never fainted in my life. :) So good luck with that one.

CaptainHarley's avatar

LOL! What’s that they say… first time for everything? : D

MilkyWay's avatar

One word. Ew.

CaptainHarley's avatar


AshLeigh's avatar

O__O This conversation has taken a turn for the worse…

CaptainHarley's avatar

On FLUTHER? Impossible! : D

bob_'s avatar

Last year, I said:

[Updates in brackets]

Pros: good sense of humor, financially comfortable [spotless credit report, yo], good listener, good at solving problems, can fix certain things about your computer, like to just chill, like to get flowers, supportive [I can make you feel good, and not just with some cheesy lines, you will feel good], know lots and lots and lots of random shit and can talk about pretty much any subject, like to travel, don’t smoke, pretty fun to be with when drunk, resourceful, can change a flat tire (it might take a while, but it will get changed), can wear a suit and tie, pretty good with words, confident, fuckin’ smart, don’t actually ask for a sandwich all that often, if you like to cook yay! but if not I don’t expect you to just because you’re a woman, okay in bed (though I have been complimented on my handiwork, if you know what I mean), and best cuddler in this galaxy and its surroundings.

[So, basically, the pros have stayed pretty much the same. Oh, wait, I’ve also been told I have a nice accent.]

Cons: might come off as arrogant to some people [or as a sarcastic asshole], (a bit too) competitve, like to (obsessively) plan things and get very irritated when things don’t go according to plan [I think I’ve been improving there, now I sometimes make plans to just go with the flow, heh], don’t like to go camping, not much of a party animal, not wild about pets (especially cats) [I guess I could be okay with a dog, like a golden retriever, those are cool], when I’m in a bad mood I’m in a bad mood [I haven’t been in a bad mood recently, just kind of in an eh mood], can be selfish at times, somewhat jealous, hold grudges, don’t know shit about fixing cars, very stubborn.

[I guess I’m also inexperienced when it comes to dating, since I’ve only been in one (long-term, on-again-off-gain relationship; I am currently single, but not looking for a relationship. I am about to start a job that will be very time-consuming. I have, in the past, not been the best at communicating my feelings (which has led to some snap decisions), but I’ve been working on that.]

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
zensky's avatar

I snore and sleep very little.

The rest are cons.

bob_'s avatar

Could whoever posted and got modded for writing standards give it another shot? :)

size7's avatar

@bob_ my apologies, it appears to have been me.

My Pros & Cons can be one thing to one person and something else to another. So, how about I just list things about myself so people can decide for themselves.

I smoke.
I drink (a lot)
I am very sexual. Sometimes to the point where I just won’t want you to touch me because I know I am going to have to take care of it myself.
I am a natural sub. sub not slave. Many can’t make the distinction between the two.
I like to eat.
I can’t cook but I love to bake.
I am for legalizing marijuana but don’t smoke it.

So, I guess from this list you can decide what is a pro and what is a con.

JLeslie's avatar

@zensky Is sleeping very little a pro or con in your opinion?

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