General Question

skateangel's avatar

Would it be weird to randomly message an old friend on Facebook?

Asked by skateangel (321points) October 5th, 2011

We live in the same place (I think) but we haven’t talked in a long time. I’m afraid it’ll be awkward or maybe she’ll ask me to meet and I’d be nervous. Also would she be able to see I don’t have any friends yet on my Facebook? thanks

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28 Answers

XOIIO's avatar

Well why do you want to message them, and what does it matter if you don’t have anyone on facebook, its all bullshit anyways.

Blackberry's avatar

Not at all.

Kardamom's avatar

Depends upon what you are seeking to gain from contacting the person. If it was an old friend that you really liked, but because of the years and people moving to different towns, or getting married and changing their names so you simply lost track of them, but would like to re-kindle your friendship, then by all means go ahead.

On the other hand, if it was a person that you had some kind of weird falling out with, even if it was a long time ago, I for one, would rather keep my past in the past.

If it was an old flame, be very careful about what you really want. If you know the person is in a relationship, be very tactful and try not to stir up trouble for him and his current spouse. If you want to get together with him, invite his wife too.

If it was someone you only barely knew from high school, be aware that the person may not even remember you.

If it was someone that you had a crush on, but were never in a relationship with, again, know exactly what it is that you are looking to gain. You or the other person could end up very disappointed and regretful if you mention the “crush” or the person could tell you that they had a crush on you way back then too, and might be interested in persuing you now. Just know what you want, ahead of time, be polite and be prepared to find out news that might shock you.

chyna's avatar

It would not be weird at all. Facebook is for reconnecting. Good luck. You might add in your message to her that you just discovered facebook thus explaining why you don’t have any friends yet.

I always feel like the “ugly sister” when I answer right after Kardamom. Her answers are long, thought provoking, in depth answers. Mine are usually only a couple sentences. Sigh.

dappled_leaves's avatar

No, but don’t be disappointed if they don’t respond.

SuperMouse's avatar

I have messaged several old friends on facebook and for the most part it has been good. Yes, she will be able to see how many facebook friends you have.

Kardamom's avatar

@chyna But mostly my answers are just long winded LOL.

I’m one of those folks who hates Facebook. I only reluctantly joined because my younger relatives won’t e-mail or use the phone and it’s easier to share photos with all of them from all of the family functions that we go to. I only have a few close friends, that live far away on FB. My other close friends (that live in my town) are not on my FB. For me that seems silly. I see them or talk to them in person.

I’m also very wary about my privacy and I have no desire to spread my business around, although I know most of the younger people live their lives that way and it’s fine for them (although I suspect that a lot of young folks have indadvertently put themselves at risk for all sorts of upleasant things).

I’m also one of those people that likes to keep the past in the past. I don’t want to dredge up old hurts (mine or theirs). I don’t have any un-requited feelings for anyone and I’d just like to keep my fond memories intact.

skateangel's avatar

@SuperMouse Oh okay.How do you think I should explain not having any friends on it? (The real reason is cause I have social anxiety but I don’t want her to know that:(
and thanks for the answers everyone:)

chyna's avatar

@skateangel Re-read my answer. I added to it after I posted.

Kardamom's avatar

@skateangel All you have to tell your friend is that you really aren’t a Facebook user, but you thought it would be helpful to find her. Doesn’t matter if you have any other friends on there or not. If you end up talking to her, either on Facebook or in person or on the phone, re-iterate to her that you really aren’t a Facebook user. : )

And then you can tell her all the reasons why FB stinks LOL. Even if she uses it all the time, if she’s someone worth spending time with, she’ll respect your desire not to use it very much.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

I wouldn’t know, I am not among the Borg.

Bellatrix's avatar

Isn’t that one of the key benefits of Facebook? That you can connect in with those you have lost contact with or you can maintain contact despite geographical distance? Go for it. What is the worst that can happen? They ignore you?

I contacted a friend I lost contact with only this week and it was very positive and I am looking forward to when we can meet up for a coffee. So glad she has a Facebook page. As to having no FB friends, just tell her the truth. You are not really a Facebook user but are glad to have found her. Be sincere and honest. I hope it works out. I would be surprised if it didn’t.

SuperMouse's avatar

@skateangel it sounds like you are pretty new to facebook and that is a perfectly fine explanation as to why you have so few facebook friends. Good luck!

CWOTUS's avatar

Everything is weird. The important thing is “Will you enjoy hearing back from your friend?”

GabrielsLamb's avatar

Here ya go… Enjoy! *Just in case this *Friend, is a new fangled word for an Ex?

lillycoyote's avatar

I don’t think so. That’s pretty much the only reason I’m on Facebook; to stay in touch with and reconnect with old friends, and with family. I messaged an old friend from junior high and high school a couple of years ago and it was great to get back in touch with her, and when she was in town visiting and taking care of some issues with her father we met for coffee and had a great time. It was very nice to see her again.

trailsillustrated's avatar

NO I do it -sometimes I hear back and sometimes I don’t

JLeslie's avatar

Not weird at all. That is what people do on facebook all the time. I think you can hide your friends if that concerns you, so she won’t be able to see them, not sure if it hides how many friends you have. It doesn’t matter though, if you just joined facebook she might be the first friend you contacted, or maybe you choose to not add friends, but just message people privately. Maybe you barely log on to facebook. All those explanations are ok. Many people have accounts but never write on their account and limit their friends to just a few because they have senior positions in companies, and companies really frown on it, or it just isn’t a great idea for top executives. So many reasons. Just a tip though, don’t offer an explanation why unless you are asked.

Let us know how it goes. The best part about crackbook is finding old friends.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I think that’s a good part of what Facebook is for. I don’t think it’s weird at all. In fact, I think it’s very common.

CWOTUS's avatar

We just had our high school’s 40-year reunion. I have more high school “friends” now than I ever did then. Some of them actually seem friendly now.

wilma's avatar

As @JLeslie said, you can hide your friends on facebook there is that option in the privacy settings.
Good luck, I hope that your attempt to reconnect is a positive experience.

rojo's avatar

I have done it, and had it done to me. No big deal but after the initial flurry of “What has your life been like” it fades into the background. There is a reason you did not stay in touch in the first place. That being said, go for it.

Response moderated (Spam)
skateangel's avatar

Thanks so much for all the great answers guys. Though it’s been more than a month now and she still hasn’t replied:/ Maybe she has her own life now

AnonymousWoman's avatar

Not necessarily. Personally, I like connecting with old friends again. I don’t think it would be weird if an old friend or even an old acquaintance I had good times with contacted me on Facebook. There’s this guy I knew in Grade 8 and High School who I really miss. I often wonder how he’s doing. If he got Facebook and added me, I would be really happy about it! Sadly, though, he does not seem to be interested in Facebook. :(

Bellatrix's avatar

She may have missed it. Or meant to answer it and forgot. Give it another try. Ask if you offended her and if there is a reason why she doesn’t want to be in contact? Tell her you understand if that is the case, but if she could just let you know she would prefer not to re-instigate contact. I did that and my friend, who I had sent text messages, got it on FB and was horrified I thought there was a problem.

Or she may just not want to reconnect.

Strauss's avatar

I had an old friend I hadn’t seen in 35 years ask my wife (via facebook), “Are you holding <yetanotheruser> hostage?”

_Whitetigress's avatar

I’ve done that. They always seem pretty awkward. I guess the connection I had with them in the past was just that, in the past.

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