Social Question

Blackberry's avatar

"I wish you were 20 years older." Why can't the older women give young men a chance?

Asked by Blackberry (31923points) October 12th, 2011

What is the problem here, people? If the chemistry is there, give us a chance!

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

65 Answers

Coloma's avatar

They can, you just have to find one that wants to. lol

Judi's avatar

I don’t like the idea of being anybodys sugar mama.

Blackberry's avatar

We don’t want the sugar, we want the mama. Hahaha!

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

Blackberry, I have noticed this same behavior. Usually a woman older than me says “I am too old for you”. At some other point in conversation these women will also disparage me for dating younger women.

Kardamom's avatar

I find that I don’t have much of anything in common with males or females that are 20 years younger than me. I have friends of all ages, but the idea of being romantically involved with a kid, sounds awful to me, even though he would be of legal age.

AshLeigh's avatar

[Edited]
Don’t be gross. Haha.

Coloma's avatar

Ashley dear, don’t tell us anymore, okay? lol

Blueroses's avatar

We do give younger men a chance. It’s as nice for us girls to be liked by a young stud as it is for you boys to have a trophy chicky.

It’s much nicer to have a man than a boy.
I’ve always dated below my age until recently. Gotta say, Hurray for the older man! Oh so much less work for me!

AshLeigh's avatar

@Coloma… My name is Ash-Leigh. :P

Blackberry's avatar

I can’t wait until I’m older. The doors of opportunity will open much wider. :D

Kardamom's avatar

@AshLeigh When you get to be in your 40’s you might change your mind about age not being important. It’s damned important if you want to be with someone who you have anything in common with. Most of the males and females I’ve worked with, and cousins and grown children of my friends have no idea who certain people are, like Anthony Perkins or Alan Alda or Bob Hoskins or Joan Miro or Henry Moore or Slim Pickens or Ralph Waite or Phil Donahue or Jawarhalal Nehru. They have no idea what The New Deal was all about, or what it was like to have to figure out whether your license number was odd or even, and if you would be able to buy gas on a particular day during the gas shortages of the mid 70’s and most have never heard the term Pounce on Pollution. They’ve never used a rotary dial phone and have no concept of lasagna being made in a pan at home, they assume it has always come from a frozen Stouffer’s box and that Mickey D’s is a suitable place to take a date for dinner. A bunch of them smoke and don’t seem to care or even know that smoking can cause cancer and heart disease, because they have yet to see a friend or relative die from any of those diseases, and partying is still used as a verb. They tend to think that romance and conversation are old fashioned and prefer to text and hook up. And I’ve found out by reading some of the posts on Fluther, that a lot of folks, who should know better, in their 20’s and even their 30’s don’t know how to properly use birth control. And voting is apparently stupid and boring and not as much fun as staying home and playing X-box. Well, no kidding LOL.

There’s always the anecdotal stories about how some May December couple got together and it worked out perfectly, but in general, if you are 20 or more years apart (and when you’re in your teens or 20’s even being 10 years apart can be a big problem) because you simply haven’t had the same types of life experiences, nor do you have the same frame of reference.

And for me there’s always going to be the ick factor.

And don’t even get me started on delayed gratification. Yikes!

Coloma's avatar

@AshLeigh

Sorry for the mis-spell. It’s just hard to reconcile a combined age of you and your crush as only adding up to 30 total. lol

Blackberry's avatar

Of course 20 is way too much, but what about 10?

@Kardamom It’s not always that black and white, although I understand.

FutureMemory's avatar

@Blackberry Why do you gotta bring race into it?

Blackberry's avatar

@FutureMemory Err, I meant it’s not that sapien and neanderthalis?

Kardamom's avatar

@Blackberry 10 years is getting closer, but for me, the 10 years would have to be with the guy being 10 years my senior. I just think that females mature more quickly than men, so I’d always be waiting for them to catch up to me. It would be pretty unusual for a woman in her forties to find a man in his thirties that didn’t place a high premium on the woman being super skinny, and having giant perky boobs and expecting her to wait around while he played X-box or Playstation while eating KFC from a takeout box. Most guys that age, would be horrified to even see the body of a real, non plastic-surgeried, non boob-implanted, non dye-jobbed, streaked, or layered Spice Girl hair do on a 40-something aged woman. And I’m guessing not a one of them (unless it was one of my gay friends) would be willing to go to a figure skating show, or to take a day drive to the mountains to look at birds, or to check out the new raw food restaurant. Nor would they want to go over to his or my elderly relative’s home to help tidy up Auntie Jean’s kitchen and her garage, or read a book to her or take her out to Hometown Buffet and a trip to the beauty parlor. And he most definitely would not want to take me home to meet his parents, because most likely he’d realize that I probably have more in common with them, than I do with him.

And again, there’s just the ick factor.

Blackberry's avatar

@Kardamom I would pay a woman to do that stuff with me. I’m a sad man now.

XOIIO's avatar

Even worse, this

FutureMemory's avatar

@XOIIO You get friend-zoned a lot, too?

Blackberry's avatar

What a hilarious night.

Blueroses's avatar

I’m gonna cast a firm vote for 10 years my senior. you got it @Kardamom

XOIIO's avatar

@FutureMemory Not really, since I didn’t rally see a point to dting for a long time, but a couple times yes. Didn’t get to me though, since I knew it would never happen.

ucme's avatar

Maybe this is an american thing. I know in the days before I was manacled to the wife, there were more than a few “older birds” only to willing to get humped by a “young buck” such as myself. I mean, their legs simply flopped apart after only a couple of drinks & a complimentary remark, exaggerated of course :¬)

Blackberry's avatar

@ucme makes me want to be British.

ucme's avatar

@Blackberry Yeah well, there is a limit age wise. I mean, anything over 50 is like snogging a heat damaged old leather cushion XD

Blackberry's avatar

Ew….Yeah definitely.

FutureMemory's avatar

Nice to see ucme displaying his usual level of class.

ucme's avatar

Hey, opinions are like arseholes remember. Oh & must you post a commentary on any answer you don’t like? I mean, really?
@Blackberry Dat’s right!

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
Response moderated
Blueroses's avatar

Hey, boys! Don’t make me get out the ruler and settle this contest :)

XOIIO's avatar

@Blueroses I didn’t know you had a yard stick with you

ucme's avatar

@Blueroses Oh I think i’ll “measure up” quite favourably. Please don’t spank me though, I bruise rather easily.

augustlan's avatar

[mod says] Settle down, gentlemen.

augustlan's avatar

To answer the question, if I weren’t married I’d be willing to date a guy 10 years younger than I am, as long as we were in similar places in our lives. For instance, if he wanted kids… no way. I’m done with that, you know?

chyna's avatar

Ten years younger than me would be no big deal. Twenty years is going to be a huge difference in where we are in our lives. I’m thinking more of retirement plans, he’s thinking of raising his kids.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

It all depends on the person. I’ve come across younger people that were very mature and able to relate to just about anyone, including older people and I’ve come across older people that were the opposite. I think if you pass on someone because of some arbitrary idea you’re missing out on what could be something pretty special. If you take a chance and it doesn’t work out what are you out?

ucme's avatar

@augustlan That little spat was settled almost as soon as it had begun, at least to my mind.
Well played anyway, as usual ;¬}

picante's avatar

Well . . . I’m a bit late to the conversation, and it looks like a grand time was had by all . . . but maybe one reason women that are two decades older than the suitor might reject the idea is because we’d worry that you found us to be “a heat damaged old leather cushion.” Just sayin . . .

Ayesha's avatar

@Blackberry You really wanna bone a hot mom :)

Blackberry's avatar

@picante We all turn into heat damaged furniture eventually lol.

@Ayesha You have no idea…...:)

ucme's avatar

Ah yes, time waits for no man/woman. Cest la vie!

GabrielsLamb's avatar

Because if you do date, see, or have any kind of sexual interactions with a younger man… You get labeled a pervert as well as a whore among other things.

As if you’re some kind of predator… and get treated that way as well. As if you have absolutely NO common sense and don’t know how to deal with people as individuals and because of bitches like Debra Lefey who actually dated a 14 year old, we get labeled “cougars” for dating younger guys who are perfectly well aware of what they are doing and are probably for all intents and purposes ten times the bastard that she could ever be.

*Trust me, I know!

jca's avatar

I am 45 and someone 20 years younger would be 25. I might feel a 25 year old might be good in the sack but I know what I wanted to do when I was 25 – party all the time, party all the time, party all the tiii-ime. Even if the 25 year old did not want to party all the time, they might be into different things than I am. Also, they might want different things out of a relationship than I can offer.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Wow, @GabrielsLamb , you sure have a bitter outlook. That is not true across the board, maybe it was for you, but your experience is by no means universal.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@JilltheTooth You DO realize that everyone tends to generalize when providing personal experience right? And you DO realize I hope that I know that doesn’t apply to every single situation and man in the history of the universe concerning it, without people having to tell me that right…?

Relax. I do have an intellect you know.
DO you realize that you tend to jump my shit a lot and use expressions like “WOW” when I say things that are more based on your opinion of whatever I say as opposed to what I am actually saying?

So basically… we know, you are a better person than I am… congratulations. I gave you Lurve for it… can we move on now from what you think and feel and believe about everything I say?

I know, you don’t like me… Join the club baby there is actually a club too you know? You can be the president…

JilltheTooth's avatar

And again I say Wow. Just wow. I’m not actually following you around, I didn’t even know that was you until I hit the ”@” button because you’ve changed your avatar. My post was based on your post on this thread, nothing else. Your post was indeed bitter and angry, I responded to that.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@JilltheTooth Okay… Whatever. Doesn’t matter… move along, nothing more to see here.

And it ISN’T bitter or angry… It is factual and it simply is what it is.

But thanks for ONCE AGAIN pointing out what YOU believe I am feeling.

*And for the record… I do not apologize for calling Debra Lefey a “Bitch”

If that’s what you mean by angry? But I certainly wouldn’t follow her around and hate on her for being an idiot. They have other people to do those things.

she has a club too

Scooby's avatar

@GabrielsLamb there’s alot of it about ;-)

Ponderer983's avatar

I think in theory this may appeal to you, but if it happens, you’ll become disenchanted with the act. I’ve dated younger guys and I have sworn off it for life. Every time it’s one thing or another that ruins it, all related to the age gap. The cougar thing only works for a short term, but in the long, we don’t need to be anyone’s mother. Plus there is the whole sagging body parts and loose vagina O.o

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@ponder What pray tell is a “loose Va-Jay Jay? You mean from like having babies or somethng else that i’m not too sure I want to know? LOL

@♥ scooby

Ponderer983's avatar

@GabrielsLamb hahaha yes loose from having kids and having had presumably more sex than a younger person, and just in general with age, you lose muscle – and there’s a muscle down there! I’m not saying from experience because I’m young and haven’t had kids, but I know these things happen when women get older. Just like men have a hard time getting and erection and their balls sag——I’m just sayin’ lol

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Ponderer983 I think having sex makes it better, no? I think that’s a myth.

I wouldn’t know about the babies part, But I have heard it does happen I never had natural birth so I’m good.

LOL @ Saggy ball sacs! ROFLMAO! Ewwww…

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Well, 20 years younger than me would make him 9… so… it’s not going to happen. Just sayin’. I remember a few years ago there was this rumor floating around the neighborhood that one of the boys (he was 17 or 18 at the time) had a huge crush on me. The rumors grew so out of control and I was creeped out enough to have a sit down with him. So, even 10 years younger makes me feel gross.
I noticed that it also makes me feel old. Which probably has a lot to do with it.

Paradox1's avatar

@Kardamom ”...and expecting her to wait around while he played X-box or Playstation while eating KFC from a takeout box.”

Wow you have some really distorted views of the successful young college graduate today. Most of my very hard-working and independent friends are not like that at all, we all work hard or have our own companies, rarely if ever eat take-out preferring the healthy option, exercise daily, and we’re not even close to 30. Only one of my friends plays video games, and he does seem childish, but to think that everyone is like that? Please.

Brian1946's avatar

My wife gave me a major chance when I was only 47. ;-)

creative1's avatar

Sorry but I am not just looking for a man who wants a older woman for sex. That is all a man who is 20 years younger is looking for from someone in there 40’s. Why don’t you stick to the women closer to your own age?

Blackberry's avatar

@creative1 Because…...I don’t have to? :P

Paradox1's avatar

@creative1 Some of us have Oedipus Complexes or are simply “mama’s boys” and want that mother figure (consciously or unconsciously), just as young girls sometimes have “daddy issues.” So no I think you are completely wrong that a 20 year old wants a 40-something year old for sex. Do you even realize what you’re saying? Almost every time the girl near a young male’s age is going to be way better “for sex,” in terms of looks, stamina, social status, etc. It doesn’t make any sense that he would go older for the primary purpose of having sex.

augustlan's avatar

If I were single, I’d totally give @Blackberry a chance. Just sayin’.

Blackberry's avatar

Righteous!

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