Social Question

jamia's avatar

My fiance is embarrassed to show his face around my family after they walked in on us, what to do? (NSFW)

Asked by jamia (60points) December 9th, 2011

Okay, well, I’m 22, and my fiance Mikey, is 26, and we just got engaged a couple of weeks ago. Mikey is the most important thing in my life, and I love him so much. He’s the sweetest, kindest, most gentle and understanding person I’ve ever met, so of course, I’m extremely excited to marry him. :) Well, normally I would have been so excited to tell my whole family. They’ve always loved Mikey; I’ve taken him to every family event (holidays, birthdays, picnics, etc.) since we started dating when we were 19, and I don’t have to worry about him fitting in. He’s a little shy, but he gets along so well with everyone. Well, our family always goes on vacation together for a week in August, and this year, I decided to ask Mikey to come. Our family always stays at the same resort, and we get a whole row of rooms, so that we’re all next door to each other. Normally, I stay in a room with my mom and my stepdad, but this year, Mikey and I got a room to ourselves, as well.

Well, one day during our vacation this Summer, it was around 9:30 in the morning, and Mikey and I had gotten up early and eaten breakfast already. For some reason, we were both really… in the mood… and had sex. In the heat of the moment, we didn’t check to see if our door was locked… My family (two of my aunts, three of my cousins, and my uncle) walked in on us in the middle of things. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life, and Mikey was mortified. My family is VERY religious, and believes strongly in the “no sex before marriage” idea. I’m not careless about it, Mikey was my first, and he’ll be my only. I just believe that you should be really in love with someone before you think of having sex with them, but my family is very different. Since that happened, Mikey hasn’t been to the last two family events, because he’s so embarrassed, and he thinks they’re going to hate him for it. I have to admit, I’m still really embarrassed, too, so I can’t even imagine how he’s feeling. So we were planning on telling my family on Christmas that we’re engaged, but Mikey is worried about seeing everyone, and about how they’re going to take the news.

No one has spoken about what happened on vacation, but last time I said something about Mikey back in October at my cousin’s birthday, it was pretty tense and awkward. So my question is, what should I do about this? I don’t want my family to think any less of either of us because of what happened; I want them to be happy for Mikey and I. I’m really worried, and I know Mikey is embarrassed just to show his face after what happened. What can I do to help him feel less nervous about this? Any advice?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

21 Answers

plethora's avatar

I would suggest confronting it openly, first you and then the two of you. Tell them you are engaged, how you feel about him and that he is going to be a part of your life, and since that;s the case, you surely would appreciate their welcoming him as they have in the past. IF, they will not, then that says a bit about your family that you will have to deal with. This is one of those moments that brings out the best or the worst in people. But not bringing it out into the open is the worst thing you can do.

wundayatta's avatar

They were probably embarrassed, too. I doubt that anyone will mention it. He just has to suck it up and show up and eventually get used to the idea of what happened. Maybe when you get married, that will make it all right.

Judi's avatar

You got a room together. I’m sure they knew what was going on (and probably gossiping about it before hand) and are just as embarrassed as you are.
If they are as religious as you say, they will be relieved that you are getting married and no longer living “in sin.”

Dutchess_III's avatar

Just pretend it didn’t happen. They’ll get over it. They can share the responsibility since you are really supposed to knock on the door and wait to be allowed entrance, and they didn’t.

All of us have been “caught” in one way or another.

tranquilsea's avatar

I agree with those above me who say that this will blow over. Your fiance needs to start going to family events and holding his head high.

If he really wants to mess with the family members who walked in on you he could wink at them once or twice.

Really they should feel more embarrassed than you and your fiance.

tedd's avatar

Well you might as well confront the issue now and get all the awkwardness and tenseness out of the way in one sitting… rather than let it fester for months or years.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Hopefully this will turn into a subtle, inside family joke over the years!

wonderingwhy's avatar

It’s hard to be specific without knowing your family personally but maybe this will help in general.

Embarrassment, though we sometimes at the moment wish it was, is not commonly lethal. And, as they say, this too shall pass. I’ve always found it best just to accept it and do my best to laugh along with it. To me life’s just a little more fun that way and it gives you something nice to look back on that you probably, at the time, didn’t see quite that way.

If I were you I’d stand up together, hand in hand and just make your announcement, after all that’s what’s at hand, and what’s important.

“As you all know, some of you more… ‘vividly’ than others, Mikey and I have been together for some time now. And today, with all of you together, we would like to announce our engagement.”

Bottom line, you can’t help how they feel, but you can do a lot about how you handle it and some of them may take their cue from that. Laugh about it and move on, if they’re wise about it, they will too.

CWOTUS's avatar

Tell him it’s just practice for when the kids start to walk in on you in a few years. Really, this is nothing. You had a room together at the motel; did they think you spent the night praying together? Whoever walked into your room without knocking feels worse than Mikey or you do (and if you’re going to marry him and he’s going to be a man, we assume, someday, then you have to drop that “Mikey” thing). You two need to be together, and apparently you need to sneak off by yourselves more often, too.

jamia's avatar

@CWOTUS I’m sorry, what? Mikey isn’t some nickname I have for him. That’s his name; it’s what he goes by with everyone. I don’t see anything wrong with it…

marinelife's avatar

You need to just bite the bullet and get together with family and Mikey again. Point out to him that other people have sex too. That your family was just as embarrassed as he was, and that all will be forgiven once the glow of the engagement news gets around.

flutherother's avatar

Your family knew you were sharing a room so they can’t have been completely surprised. They shouldn’t have walked in unannounced. It has caused embarrassment all round and you can’t get over it until you all meet face to face and with your clothes on. The first time you all get together you will have to stick close to your fiance the whole time and show you love him and support him 100%.

Dutchess_III's avatar

He’s just saying that names like “Mikey” and “Davy” are usually reserved for kids. You don’t hear of corporate CEO’s or politicians with names like Mikey or Davy. They go by Michael and David.

redfeather's avatar

Wouldn’t they know what was going on if you two were sharing a room?

KoleraHeliko's avatar

Your family can go screw themselves. You’re marrying the guy, not them.

JLeslie's avatar

I am in the camp of saying nothing and acting like it didn’t happen. Shame on them for just walking into a bedroom with a closed door without knocking. Let’s say you weren’t having sex, but even if you were alone in the room just changing clothes and were naked. I don’t care how religious they are, to think that a 22 and 26 year old who have been dating for a while are not having sex is ridiculous. I doubt they thought you both were still virgins. Not that there aren’t some 20 somethings who do wait until marriage but it is extremely rare.

I think there is a good chance they are more embarrassed or feel worse than you both do. They were completely wrong, you did nothing wrong.

JLeslie's avatar

I forot to mention I agree with @Judi if they are that religious they will be relieved you are getting married.

Don’t avoid getting together with the family it makes things more awkward, just put it all behind you, no one has said anything because no one is going to. If the people who walked in on you were overly worried about your virtue, I think one of your aunts would have spoken to you or told your parents and they would have spoken to you. I am sure everyone wants to forget about it.

Tell Mikey to stop being embarrassed and be a little pissed off they did not respect your privacy.

filmfann's avatar

Imported from the other, deleted question:

Q: What can I do to make my fiance feel better after my family walked in on us?

A: It sounds like you were making him feel better when this happened…

Hey, if they knew you guys were sharing a room, they probably had this figured out before they saw you hanging on the headboard.
Tell him that he is going to see them a lot in the future, since you guys are getting married, and the longer he waits to see them, the more difficult it will be.

Adagio's avatar

Am I the only one who knocks first if a door is shut? A no-brainer in my opinion.

filmfann's avatar

@Adagio To be fair, they probably thought she was saying “Come in”.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

It’s probably best to not bring it up at all – not with your family, not with him, not with anyone. If you bring your family up with him at all, don’t mention that time… mention other things. There is no need to embarrass him any further.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther