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Berserker's avatar

If you were the god/goddess of something, what would you champion?

Asked by Berserker (33519points) December 18th, 2011

Take the ’‘several gods’’ approach like in Greek or Norse mythology, and choose one idea, thing or concept that you would champion. It can be anything, something corny, funny, imaginative, something important to you, something hilarious.
What do you champion? Any rituals and things that your worshipers would do? How do they depict you physically? And how does your choice relate to yourself, as in who you are, what your life is like, etc. That is, if you choose to make it relate to yourself. Be all serious or silly, it’s all cool.
Let’s see what kind of crazy ass pentheon the Fluther Gods would create. :D

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59 Answers

Michael_Huntington's avatar

Depravity and wickedness!

MilkyWay's avatar


chyna's avatar

Goddess of homeless animals.

Michael_Huntington's avatar

Hm, I guess there would be very few requirements such as listening to Slayer on a daily basis and having zero tolerance against ignorance. I would encourage my followers to offend, mock or ridicule and be arrogant!

elbanditoroso's avatar

I would be seen as the god of atheism.

deni's avatar

Deni, Goddess of Pizza.

Berserker's avatar

@Michael_Huntington I could go for this kind of worship. Not so much the principles, (which I still admire) but daily Slayer listenings. Slayer fuckin rocks. :D

@elbanditoroso Lol XD

linguaphile's avatar

Me: “Hey kids, if I was a goddess of something, what would I be?”
My kids in chorus: “Books.”
Me: “Books????”
My son: “39… no 41 crates of books?”
Me: tic,tic… I do not have a book problem… tic,tic

What they said.

SavoirFaire's avatar

I would champion yarn, squirrels, scarves, and squirrels wearing scarves made of yarn. To honor me, my worshippers would knit scarves for squirrels out of yarn. I would be depicted as a handsome hobo. Legends would say that my bindle wards off curses, falcons, and bad macaroni salad.

Berserker's avatar

@SavoirFaire Fuckin falcons…:D

SavoirFaire's avatar

I know, right?

poisonedantidote's avatar

First I thought I would be the god of unproven claims, thus allowing me to look ironic and clever and at the same time take credit for all the other gods work by insinuating none of them are real and that I am the one true god.

Then I thought why not just make my self the god of gods if the power is all I care about, but I soon realized that this would render me as some kind of lame supervisor who actually does not do anything, yet still taking all the blame for what all the other gods do.

So then I thought I would go for the thing with least responsibility, and thought I would perhaps be the god of pedophilia so that no one likes or believes in me, thus allowing me plenty of free time, but then I remembered the 1.2 billion catholics and realized that not only would I have a lot of followers, but that I’d also be very busy.

So finally I decided to settle with being the god of pocket fluff, my responsibilities would be minimal, but I’d still have all the power that comes with being a god.

blueberry_kid's avatar

Goddess of Fruit and Teenagers

Berserker's avatar

@poisonedantidote And pocket fluff certainly needs its chief deity, of course. :)

Worship the fluff, bitches!

@blueberry_kid Interesting. :) And you could make the truth come out; more teens eat fruit than people realize. At least I did as a teen anyways. Mostly raspberries, but still.

tinyfaery's avatar

I would be the goddess of dessert. To worship me, one must eat dessert every day and leave a serving outside so I can have a sample. If the dessert is not to my liking I would take away all the sugar so they would suffer a life without sweetness.

Joker94's avatar

Call me Joker, God of Alternative Comics and Cartoon Watching. I would hope to be depicted in paintings as laying on a comfy, comfy couch, wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt, and watching TV with a few friends.

Berserker's avatar

@tinyfaery I like a lot of meat though, even for dessert. But sweatened meat exists! Does that count?

@Joker94 I’d be definitely up for that. I love cartoons and webcomics, but I have a hard time in finding fun and original stuff.
And again, I give praises to you, for telling me about The Saga of Biorn. :) I still love that to death lol. ^^ (NO PUN INTENDED LULZ)

KateTheGreat's avatar

Marksmanship. I’d be the Goddess with the guns. ;)

Berserker's avatar

@KateTheGreat I like shotguns. I wanna be your shotgun priestess, if you’ll have me. :)

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I shall be the Goddess of Chocolate and Rum. Party in my temple at 9:47 PM sharp!

Berserker's avatar

I’ll be there early. :) Mostly for the rum though.

muppetish's avatar

Storytelling. It’s not a particularly funny answer, but I think it is the truest to who I am and what I would actually wish others to take to heart.

Berserker's avatar

@muppetish It’s an awesome choice. :)

wundayatta's avatar

Definitely the god of too much thought. I would be a god that would be somewhat difficult to pin down. I guess you’d have to think to much about it, and of course, then, since you were thinking too much, you’d never be sure you were doing it right, and whether I was actually the god you were hoping to appeal to.

So I would be, secondarily, a god of uncertainty. Now why, one wonders, would one want a god of uncertainty. I guess there would be times when you weren’t certain you wanted something to happen, and so you would pray to me to make it come out the the right way, depending on what way that was.

Praying to me would involve very intense and complex rituals. Of course, the rituals would never be the same twice, so how could you say they were rituals? And yet, they would be rituals, albeit of uncertain utility. Being a god with a refined taste, you would have cook complex and delightful meals to offer as sacrifice to me. You would have to plan these meals for weeks in advance, and at the last minute you would second guess yourself and go with something completely different. I would be the god for the obsessed.

And being the god of the obsessed, I would also be the god of lovers and the god of creativity. Alas, as god of love and uncertainty; of refined taste, creativity and of too much thought, I would not appeal to a lot of people. Young men of an intellectual bent and a nihilistic spirit would pray to me in an ironic way, thinking I would bring them a kind of good juju for being an intellectual.

Women with a creative bent would also pray to me to bring them love, since the kind of guy they wanted is somewhat rare and hard to find. The problem for women, though, is that sometimes I answer their appeals personally, and once they’ve had me as a lover once, they are forever ruined and can never again imagine settling for an ordinary mortal. But I answer those appeals personally only very rarely, and so for most women whose appeals I answer, things turn out quite happily. Such is the uncertainty of life, no?

Oh, and I would also like to tell you about the specials rituals that women who pray and make sacrifices to me go though. Unfortunately for you, I can’t tell you that. They are difficult to perform, and are exceedingly x-rated in nature, and involve a great deal of creativity on the part of the woman. It takes a very special and rarely talented woman who can get me to look with favor upon her prayers.

Just saying.

Joker94's avatar

@Symbeline Glad to know there’s a fellow nerd out there! And I’m glad you liked Biorn, I love that guy! :D


God of Black and Navy Blue Turtlenecks!

Pandora's avatar

Goddess smart remarks and animals.

Bellatrix's avatar

Goddess of cats and dogs. Just because I like them a lot.

mazingerz88's avatar

I’ll be the God of Proscrastination, therefore, uhm, can I do this later? : )

partyrock's avatar

Goddess of creativity and fashion…. does this even exist? Goddess of jewels ??

partyrock's avatar

Goddess of cinema :)

Bellatrix's avatar

@mazingerz88, given my progress today, I should be your understudy. If you are going to have a holiday from looking after all procrastinators, let me know.

mazingerz88's avatar

@Bellatrix Later, potential disciple. Later. Hohum. : )

Bellatrix's avatar

:D I even have a tiger avatar in your honour! (Accidentally mind you.)

mazingerz88's avatar

@Bellatrix I shall rain upon your avatar words of praise as soon as I find myself doing it. And many thanks…are…forthcoming. : )

judochop's avatar

God of fire palease.

Blueroses's avatar

Goddess of pajamas. And fluffy blankets. And freshly laundered sheets. And fried cheese. And mashed potatoes.

Fuck it. I’m the goddess of comfort. Honor me by falling asleep in front of the television.

linguaphile's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate For your party

I’ll also become @mazingerz88‘s procrastination priestess :D

Facade's avatar

goddess of music

lonelydragon's avatar

Music and literature.

Rarebear's avatar

Science education.

smilingheart1's avatar

“a goddess of wisdom” (men means “mankind”)

Does not wisdom cry out,
And understanding lift up her voice?
She takes her stand
on the top of the high hill,
Beside the way,
where the paths meet.

She cries out by the gates,
at the entry of the city,
At the entrance of the doors:
“To you, O men, I call,
And my voice is to the sons of men.

O you simple ones,
understand prudence,
And you fools,
be of an understanding heart.

Listen, for I will speak
of excellent things,
And from the opening of my lips
will come right things;
For my mouth will speak truth,
Wickedness is an abomination to my lips.

All the words of my mouth are with righteousness;
Nothing crooked or perverse is in them.
They are all plain to him who understands,
And right to those who finds knowledge.

Receive my instruction, and not silver,
And knowledge rather than choice gold;
For wisdom is better than rubies,
And all the things one may desire
cannot be compared with her.

I wisdom, dwell with prudence,
And find out knowledge and discretion.
The fear of the Lord is to hate evil;
Pride and arrogance and the evil way,
And the perverse mouth I hate.

Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom;
I am understanding, I have strength.
By me kings reign.
And rulers decree justice.
By me princes rule, and nobles,
All the judges of the earth.

I love those who love me,
And those who seek me dilligently will find me.
Riches and honor are with me,
Enduring riches and righteousness.

My fruit is better than gold,
yes, than fine gold,
And my revenue than choice silver.

I traverse the way of righteousness,
In the midst of the paths of justice,
That I may cause those who love me to inherit wealth,
That I may fill their treasuries.

The Lord possessed me at the beginning of His way.
Before His works of old.
I have been established from everlasting,
From the beginning, before there was ever an earth.

When there were no depths I was brought forth,
When there were no fountains abounding with water.
Before the moutains were settled,
Before the hills, I was brought forth;

While as yet He had not made the earth or the fields,
Or the primal dust of the world.
When He prepared the heavens, I was there,
When He drew a circle on the face of the deep,

When He established the clouds above,
When He strenghtened the fountains of the deep,
When Hs assigned to the sea its limit,
So that the waters would not transgress His command,

When He marked out the foundations of the earth,
Then I was beside Him as a master craftsman;
And I was daily His delight,
Rejoicing always before Him
Rejoicing in His inhabited world,
And my delight was with the sons of men.

Now therefore, listen to me, my children,
For blessed are those who keep my ways.
Here instruction and be wise,
And do not distain it.

Blessed is the man who listens to me,
Watching daily at my gates,
Waiting at the posts of my doors.

For whoever finds me finds life,
And obtains favor from the Lord;
But he who sins against me wrongs his own soul,
All those who hate me loves death”.
Proverbs Chapter 8 – NKJ

ucme's avatar

Sustainable erections. I’d call myself Mighty Member & admire my stamina whilst on an all night humpathon…...yeah, that sounds about right.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@Blueroses Something else for your party.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@linguaphile Oooooh, very nice. Thank you!

rebbel's avatar

Gawd of blasphemists.

Blueroses's avatar

@SavoirFaire That’s excellent!

MilkyWay's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Like daughter like mother? Lol!

Berserker's avatar

@Blueroses You sound like an awesome deity. I hug pillows in your honor. :)

HungryGuy's avatar

The god of kinky sex.


@HungryGuy That is certainly you my friend! ;)

Berserker's avatar

@HungryGuy Do you have a vore shrine? I know you do.

Aethelwine's avatar

Adventure. I’ll try just about anything and I will not fail, except eating live insects.

gailcalled's avatar

@jonsblond,:—-So you’ve never swallowed a live black fly or mosquito when it flew into your mouth by mistake?—

Berserker's avatar

I’ve eaten live insects on purpose.
A user on here though, Arisztid, swallowed an entire live lizard…

HungryGuy's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES and @Symbeline – I suppose if I was a GOD, I’d have the power to shrink people to a few inches tall. In which case, my stomach would be my vore shrine :-0

@Symbeline – I think you would be rather tasty…

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