General Question

zarnold's avatar

What to avoid when courting the ladies?

Asked by zarnold (695points) May 19th, 2008

OK, I know there are tons of questions that go something like, “I like this guy/girl. What do I do?”, So I thought I’d ask – Are there certain (not necessarily obvious) things I should NOT do when approaching women? I’d really appreciate some female advice on the topic, but I’m not too picky. Thanks!

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47 Answers

wildflower's avatar

It’s hard to say what you should avoid without knowing what you would do, but here’s a few universal don’t-s:
* Don’t suggest you can give her more time to get ready when picking her up for a date (it’ll suggest you think she looks terrible)
* Don’t stare at her boobs when she’s talking if you plan on connecting with her for more than that
* Don’t respond to “do I look fat in this”. Change the topic or use a standard, like: “You look great as always” (be consistent though, the slightest variation will be misinterpreted)
* Don’t bring up ex’s for at least the first couple of months (no girl wants to be the rebound cure, second best or consolation prize)
* Don’t lie to impress. Women often have a better memory than men when it comes to anecdotes and details. It will come back and bite you on the ass if you do.

psyla's avatar

Avoid drinking too much whiskey while driving to her house. This might be interpreted as a prelude to a marriage proposal.

wildflower's avatar

@psyla
Could also be interpreted as needing booze-goggles and/or liquid courage to be seen with the likes of her…..basically it can’t end well!

psyla's avatar

Correct, or it could be interpreted as expecting a bad ending. Yet it would be an effective test to see if the girl was overzealous. It would depend on the man’s intentions if the girl’s acceptance of the man as a drunken sot was a favorable omen.

playthebanjo's avatar

don’t use conversation starters like “would you like to see my new machete?” or “have you ever been restrained with duct tape?”

wildflower's avatar

Can’t believe I forgot this in my first post:
Whatever you do, DO NOT say: “You remind me of my mother”!

@playthebanjo
Although disturbing, you have to admit the machete is kinda intriguing…..

cheebdragon's avatar

“Yeah, and on Friday nights I play Daddy Mack in a Kriss-Kross tribute band.”

GD_Kimble's avatar

Don’t come on too strong, too quickly.

playthebanjo's avatar

@cheebdragon – is there such a thing as a Kriss-Kross tribute band? I will pay big money to see them. Kriss-Kross’ll make you wanna…jump, jump…...over a cliff. LOL

zarnold's avatar

thanks a lot everyone!

edmartin101's avatar

Don’t say on your first date: “you look so sexy, do you live alone? let me take you home”, “you have beautiful legs”

kevbo's avatar

unkempt hair
untrimmed hair (i.e. face, nose, eyebrows, ears)
snorting & phlegm
rough lips
nasty teeth
rough skin (hands, face)
bad smells
bulging, overfilled pockets (your clothes won’t fit well)
bad shoes/belt
bad posture
use of tobacco
lack of confidence
lack of personal style (doesn’t matter what so long as it’s something)
dirty car
dirty, poorly lit, or cluttered home
being the sensitive, new-age guy
being a friend (as opposed to being a flirt or someone who is obviously interested in more than friendship)

marinelife's avatar

The best way to interact with a woman is that same best way to interact with any new friend. Listen. Ask her about herself. Explore common interests. Don’t talk about failed relationships on early dates.

elchoopanebre's avatar

It’s hard for me to pigeon-hole every female and say that there are things none of them like. So far in my life, all my girlfriends have been completely UN-textbook. I basically did everything wrong and it didn’t bother them.

ljs22's avatar

Don’t agree with everything she says automatically.
Don’t flatter too much. While compliments are nice, if they’re egregious you won’t sound genuine.
Don’t go on and on about your job.

psyla's avatar

Don’t tell her that her choice of clothing is inappropriate and that she has to go back inside her house and change into something less flashy.

gailcalled's avatar

I would start by courting only one lady at a time.

psyla's avatar

If you’re unsure that you have chosen the best one lady to court, do not bring up the topic in conversation. Do not discuss with her how unsure you are that you have chosen the right lady. Especially, do not get drunk and bring up the topic.

playthebanjo's avatar

To insure success, you should always talk about previous girlfriends and how they compare to her. You should bring them up as much as possible.

psyla's avatar

I agree with playthebanjo. Do not forget to describe each of your prior girlfriends one by one. This shows that you have experience with women and is also a highly entertaining topic, especially when you and her are alone.

wildflower's avatar

….and when you’re not alone, make sure to ogle and comment on all the other ladies around.
of course this is assuming you’ve passed the point of wondering if she’s wrong for you and you know for sure she is. Shouldn’t take long to free you up for the next one

glial's avatar

Listen more than you talk, but don’t be quiet.

Don’t whine about…anything.

Clean your house before your date.

Have a plan. “Whatever you want to do” doesn’t count.

nocountry2's avatar

Don’t casually mention that your package is so big some of the others couldn’t handle it.

edmartin101's avatar

Don’t be overconfident you are not just buying, you are also selling yourself as they are also selling and they are looking for a good buyer. Since actions speak louder than words: say what you do and do what you say.

richmarshall's avatar

Don’t pick her up for the first date in your RV.

edmartin101's avatar

@richmarshall yeah, that would be too obvious!!

loser's avatar

don’t drool

psyla's avatar

I agree with edmartin101. When you’re selling yourself, don’t forget to give her a receipt for the purchase. Bargain for comps when negotiating her price. Ask if she could add free cooking & laundry services if she won’t cut her expensive shopping sprees. Don’t forget to fill out a Sales Contract when you sell yourself & have her sign it. Tell her that your personal motto is “If you don’t like my ways, send me back in thirty days”.

edmartin101's avatar

@psyla Dude! you are a total business person. I thought I was good in sales, you just took the first spot on Fluther world sales, great ideas belong to those who create them, huh! A totally different approach to relationships. If we ever get to be humanoids, this will definitely fly.

psyla's avatar

Thanks ed! Good relationships always come with a 90 day warranty for repair and at least a 30 day policy for return or exchange for a relationship of greater or equal value. Do not ask for a restocking fee.

edmartin101's avatar

@psyla Now I am sold on your sales leading skills. We could make a fortune in this new enterprise. You are good at closing the sale, I’ll get you the prospects, we’ll run mass marketing ads; Fluther would be the backbone of such biz. Anybody else wants to join in this grand floor opportunity, time is running out quickly. Take your spot right away and earn instant gratification Fluther points.

psyla's avatar

ed, we could start a matchmaker website based on these concepts!

psyla's avatar

I wonder if the domain therelationshipshop.com is available.

psyla's avatar

Damn, somebody’s got the domain. Maybe we can contract with them for the repair service…

cheebdragon's avatar

I want to help too!¿!

edmartin101's avatar

Hey, we don’t have to start a website for full service, we could just be consultants to all existing dating sites and sell them this new concept in relationships. It would revolutionize the whole industry and in the process we would help so many couples realize their full potential. “A new approach to relationships” would be our motto, an innovative way to move from courting to contracts in just a few simple steps. Call us we can help. Just call us at 1–800 PSYLA CO

cheebdragon's avatar

what about relationship timeshares?

edmartin101's avatar

@cheebdragon WOW! I am impressed by your contributions. We could really make a difference, must keep it low key before the big guys find out, cos we don’t even have a patent in the works yet

cheebdragon's avatar

a good slogan might be “get laid the Psyla way”

psyla's avatar

If we’re going to have relationship timeshares there should be a clause with an option to purchase. We might also suggest a lease rather than purchase payments with a balloon payment purchase option available at the end of the lease. Do not allow clients to refer to these options as a “prenuptial agreement”, as there is a specified time of use in the sales agreement.

nocountry2's avatar

relationshop.com? ;)

psyla's avatar

Good one nocountry2! I’m off to GoDaddy!

susanc's avatar

1. Never refer to women as “the ladies”. We don’t like being lumped into a category,
and most of us aren’t ladies anyway: we’re just humans who happen to be more delicious than you.
2. Don’t refer to your package in any way. We will find out about your package when
we feel like it, and before that moment, it will repel us.
3. If she doesn’t respond to your initial attempts to engage her,
laugh out loud and say she’s great. We like to think we’re tough.
We like to think you think we’re tough. If we think you think we’re tough,
we soften up.

psyla's avatar

I know! “The Ladies” is so generic! It’s like “The Men”, how old-fashioned. What causes you to go from repulsion to curiousity about the package? If a man asks a woman to marry him and become engaged, is she more likely to say yes if he first tells her that she’s a tough girl?

edmartin101's avatar

The same goes for us men, if I meet a woman whom I like to pursue and she happens to be easy, I don’t think she is worth it. I may go out with her for a while but not too long, then I will continue my search. I also like women who are tough to conquer. I am more interested and motivated to find creative ways to persuade her of my pursuit. The journey of courtship happens to be more interesting when there are challenges to attain.

psyla's avatar

The more impossible it is to start a relationship with someone, the more we’d want the relationship. This seems self-defeating and a waste of time, but it’s so sweet!

nocountry2's avatar

…and herein, folks, lies the answer to the “I think I have a crush on a lesbian, what should I do?” question…

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