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Kandy's avatar

To Christians, I'm losing faith and needing help, Please?

Asked by Kandy (363points) January 8th, 2012

I am not the perfect follower of Christ. I go to church with my father when I can, and I pray to the Lord a lot. I know that isn’t enough for a “real” connection. I am finding myself straying away from my Christian faith more and more as He throws things at me. I’ve messed up quite a lot over the past year, and I feel unworthy of God’s love and forgiveness. I don’t know where to turn or what to do in order to feel as if I’m surrounded in God’s love. Please help me, I’ve asked Him for forgiveness and guidance, but it isn’t enough.

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58 Answers

Linda_Owl's avatar

I would give you an honest answer, but it is not one that you would care to hear – so I will refrain from answering your question.

filmfann's avatar

Kandy, We are all unworthy of his forgiveness. That is what makes his grace so amazing.
My advice to you is to forgive others, and help them in any way you can. You will find His love working thru you.
And you are in my prayers.

Berserker's avatar

You said you go to church sometimes, I would recommend going over there, and telling all this to a priest or pastor, they might have answers for you, or some help and suggestions. Or try some people close to you who share your faith, like your dad.

XOIIO's avatar

There is the logical choice, accept that none of it is real and you will have no burden.

Kandy's avatar

@Linda_Owl Go ahead. You must want to say it or you would not have mentioned it.
@XOIIO Yes, that would be the logical choice, and probably an easier one than to look for help from Him. I cannot do that though, I’ve tried and it just doesn’t feel right. I respect those who do think that way, though. It just isn’t for me.

john65pennington's avatar

I will be honored to answer your question. It’s a tough world we live in and the devil is always waiting just around the corner, to encourage you follow his lead and not that of the Lord.

I played in a rock and roll band for many years. I drank a lot of alcohol, not because I was an alcoholic, but because it was free and being a drummer, I sweated a lot and was constantly thirsty. I would play at parties on Friday and Saturday and go to church on Sunday morning. Somewhere in my soul, I knew this was not right and I had to change something, somewhere. So I did. I had to have back surgery and this was a good time for me to get right with God. I quit the music and I quit the alcohol. Out of this, the good Lord led me to a very good woman and still my wife,

We both went to church and took that very first step toward being baptised again. This cleaned my soul and my life was back on track. I asked forgiveness of my sins and I was forgiven. Life, after this, has just been wonderful. All good things began coming to my wife and I. In one year, 1969, we had a new house, a new car and a new baby. That was a great year.

Not only just physical things will appear in your life, but you feel like you have been cleansed from heat to toe.

Your answer is to take that first step and be baptised again and ask for forgiveness of your sins, whatever they might be.

Pls give it a try.

digitalimpression's avatar

Psalms 103:11–12
11 For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.
12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

James 4:7–8
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

Just like in Pilgrims Progress we’re going to face certain “characters” that want to take us off course. I can empathize with you 100% because in the last few months I’ve done the same thing you have. It always seems easier to go the way of the world because it is easier! But the reward to your mind, body, and soul for taking the “narrow path” is much greater.

Listen to your heart. You know the right thing to do.

I would also love it if you could take a look at this story . You’ve perhaps heard it before.

Through Horatio Spafford’s suffering was born a song that has been encouraging and uplifting Christians for generations.

Kandy's avatar

@filmfann Thank you, very much. Your words were simple yet gave me a sense of hope. Mainly because I don’t voice my faith often, I don’t seek help. You helped to remind me that He is forgiving and very loving. I just beat myself up over my sins and it gets to me. I tend to forget that. But just because I know he is forgiving, doesn’t make me feel better. ...Does that make any sense? I hope it does.

@john65pennington and @digitalimpression I started crying while reading your responses. You don’t know how much your answers meant to me. If I could hug you both right now, I would. I’d probably still be crying, but it would be a hug full of love. Thank you. So very much.

digitalimpression's avatar

@Kandy Oh, and by the way, your pic gave me a good laugh even though I have no idea what that little guy is. =)

Kandy's avatar

@digitalimpression Haha, well I am glad. :3 He is an “Internet Troll” found a lot on Memebase or Memebaseafterdark. The picture was actually a GIF, he was dancing but when I saved the picture, it didn’t stay in GIF format.. le sad sigh

KatawaGrey's avatar

I am not a Christian but I am a believer and quite spiritual.

When I find my faith wavering, I just remember that there is divinity in each of us and no matter how little we feel it indeed you may not feel at all at some times it is still there and nothing can remove it. Also, no matter how much you “mess up,” God will not abandon you. He never abandons you, even when you feel at your deepest and darkest. Just look inside yourself and find that spark of the divine that is in you, and you may find some comfort and be able to re-affirm your faith.

Also, just a heads up, fluther is a largely atheist/anti-theist site. You may find a lot of nasty and rude responses about your faith, but don’t let that get you down. If you ever need someone to talk to about it, I know a number of spiritual users, many of whom are Christian, who you can turn to privately if you so choose. Welcome aboard!

wundayatta's avatar

I’m curious why you only want the help of Christians. There are a lot of smart and wise people here. You don’t say what your problems are, but I would encourage you to seek help for your problems from others here, including those who aren’t Christians.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@wundayatta: Her problem is about being close to God. Most people on fluther wouldn’t know how to help except to say how stupid it is to believe in god.

digitalimpression's avatar

In general… nvm @KatawaGrey beat me to it. =)

poisonedantidote's avatar

Hello, the stream of answers seems to have slowed down, so I think it’s safe for me to provide an answer now. The reason that I did not answer until now is because I am an atheist, but none the less I have some information that could maybe help you feel a little better.

The first thing I am going to suggest, is that perhaps you are dealing with some guilt. Before you try to make good with god, perhaps try to make good with your self first. There is a possibility that the nagging sensation is not the disapproval of a deity that you have a relationship with, rather it is your own judgement. If you are dealing with some guilt or problems that you can not forgive yourself for, it would make it hard to see how your god can forgive you.

The second thing I would like to mention, is that faith is not faith if it can’t stand up to the occasional doubt. I don’t consider faith to be a virtue, but if you do then you should welcome doubt, after all, what is faith if it can’t take the odd kick or two. Welcome doubt and if your faith survives it will only make it stronger.

Finally, I would like to point out that it has been said that to live another persons life is to forgive them of all wrong doing. If this is true and it is also true that this god of yours is all seeing and all knowing, then you have all ready been forgiven.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@Kandy “I am not the perfect follower of Christ.”

Would you care to point out the one who is?

Read your Bible Christian. Nothing brings you closer to your God than reading The Word of your God.

digitalimpression's avatar

James 1:5–8
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

@poisonedantidote Your suggestion is to doubt? Isn’t that like me telling you to doubt your stand as an atheist?

poisonedantidote's avatar

@digitalimpression That was one of the suggestions yes. As for doubting my stand as an atheist, I would not be a very good atheist if I was not skeptical of my own position from time to time.

digitalimpression's avatar

@poisonedantidote I can see this isn’t going to be productive. All the best to the OP.

Judi's avatar

I have found that the times of deepest doubt and deepest anguish are usually the times of deepest growth for me. Those dark and lonely times are when God is forming me, molding me, like a butterfly in its chrysalis state. When I look back on those times that were the darkest, I realize that those were the times I was transformed.
“Be still and know, that I am God.”

Sunny2's avatar

Go to the minister or priest of your church and ask what to do. That’s what they are there for. They should be able to set your heart at ease.

King_Pariah's avatar

I’m glad to see not too many of us atheist/nihilist jellies have shown up to rip on her faith. Good job fluther!

Anyway, I believe, as others have pointed out, that it may be the wisest choice for you to talk to a priest/pastor or a few. I know I had some awesome pastors when I was christian and I hope you do as well. Trust me, you are not alone in feeling this way and i doubt you’d be the first to ask for guidance from your pastor or priest. Many people have had to overcome obstacles that pop up in their faith. You’ll be fine.

JilltheTooth's avatar

I couldn’t find where you said what denomination you are, @Kandy , but I would echo what some of these others have said, maybe talking to your priest or pastor. If you are uncomfortable with that idea, as a wavering is sometimes difficult to admit to the head of the congregation or parish, maybe a deacon, an elder, or a nun would be a choice to consult with?

@Linda_Owl and @XOIIO : Why did you bother? Just for rudeness sake? Was that necessary?

basstrom188's avatar

Embrace your new found disbelief it will set you free

King_Pariah's avatar

If you guys feel the need to attempt to discredit her beliefs and shove atheism down her throat, don’t post. You’re not helping, hell, you’re no different than the Spaniards shoving your beliefs down other people’s throats.

wundayatta's avatar

@KatawaGrey Usually people want to be close to God for a reason. They tend to have specific troubles that bother them and they turn to God for help for those problems.

Of course, God isn’t the only source of help. And if we understand the underlying problems, then we might be able to offer some assistance that would get to the root of the problem.

Unfortunately, in this case, by leaving the problem so vague, the OP can bait all the people who believe in God into spending time here, presumably under false auspices, since the OP identifies as “just another internet troll” (or did so at the time I looked at his or her home page).

This allows God believers to talk about God in their own unique ways, and also encourages the opening of flame wars between believers and non-believers. Personally, I find the adage that “God helps those who help themselves” to be a compelling bit of logic, since it neatly bypasses to necessity of defining a God.

In any case, it is interesting to find someone identify as a troll. I wonder what that says about this question. Should it be answered as it appears to want to be answered on the surface of it? Should we each interpret it for our own ends? Should it be treated as a trolling question and if so, what does that mean? Ignore it? Or is there any real meat in it even if it is a trolling question?

JilltheTooth's avatar

@wundayatta : The people of faith who have addressed the OP’s concerns don’t feel that it is vague, you can see that by reading their posts. I find it amusing that you, who have called the belief in God and I quote “willfully ignorant” should presume to know why anyone would want to ” close to God…”. You base your above post on the premise that the original poster is a troll, and yet you are the one who said “Trolling doesn’t exist” in this quip on this Q just a few days ago. We are aware of your rampant anti-theism on this site, stirring up crap in this particular Q just seems spurious at best.

fundevogel's avatar

@King_Pariah “If you guys feel the need to attempt to discredit her beliefs and shove atheism down her throat, don’t post. You’re not helping, hell, you’re no different than the Spaniards shoving your beliefs down other people’s throats.”

o rly?

Sorry, I really am a history nerd. I can’t help pedanting it.

Judi's avatar

@wundayatta , just another FYI to set the record straight. There is nothing biblical about the common phrase, “God helps those who help themselves.” Actually, Jesus says something quite different. Jesus helps those who totally screw up and have exhausted all other avenues of help. The arrogant and strong, who don’t think they need him can fend for themselves. Jesus came for the broken and humble.

Charles's avatar

“I am finding myself straying away from my Christian faith more and more…”
Congratulations on working yourself out of that mental prison. I am proud of you.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@wundayatta: There is nothing in the question to indicate this is a trolling q, unless you know that this person is actually an alternate account of a vocal anti-theist trying to make us all look like fools. I highly doubt that, though, considering that an anti-theist would phrase the question very differently.

You may not see it as a viable problem, but for the spiritual among us, feeling farther from our god is an actual problem. @Kandy may have no problem that you as a vehement anti-theist can see. Her life might be otherwise perfect. The problem is feeling farther from God, and this may be causing other problems in her life, not necessarily the other way around.

@Charles: That is a horrible and unnecessary thing to say. Just because you disagree doesn’t mean it is a “mental prison.”

JilltheTooth's avatar

@Charles : ”...working yourself out of that mental prison.” What a conclusion you leap to! nowhere does the OP say she is “working” her way out of anything. What arrogance to extrapolate motives that were never stated anywhere.

fundevogel's avatar

@JilltheTooth For what it’s worth religion was a mental prison for me. If @Charles experienced it as I did the prospect of escaping it would be cause for celebration. It isn’t arrogance to extrapolate another’s emotions from your own related experiences. It just doesn’t always work.

Uberwench's avatar

As a rabid atheist, I agree that some of these responses are silly. Not all of them, but some of them just make us look bad.

King_Pariah's avatar

This is just despicable. I thought Fluther consisted of quite a few more or less noble, intelligent, kind, and helpful individuals. Apparently, I am wrong. I am glad I can make the distinction of being a nihilist thus lessen the little affiliation I have with the disrespectful atheists on this thread. However, good job to those who maintained a respectful and helpful environment.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

If all the anti-theists could please refrain from vomiting all over the question…



As a fellow believer, I too struggle with my faith from time to time. The key is to keep reading your bible and keep talking to God. And when you’re feeling a lot of doubt, express that doubt to God when you talk to him. It helps.

XOIIO's avatar

@JilltheTooth I bother because that’s the point, it’s the truth. Why worry about something that isnt real all the time?

Uberwench's avatar

@XOIIO Time and place, man. Time and place. I’m all for letting the claws out, but this question just seems like the wrong place.

King_Pariah's avatar

No @XOIIO, it’s your truth, and the truth for many others. This is @Kandy‘s truth, and the truth for many others. Until there is rock solid evidence pointing one way or another you can neither prove nor disprove her beliefs. So stop being disrespectful, this is, as @Uberwench pointed out, neither the time or place for debating the existence of an all powerful being.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@XOIIO Stop trying to justify your pointless remark. Jill was asking why you bothered with that comment because this question isn’t about “Is God real”. You missed the actual “point” entirely and spewed anti-theistic nonsense when it wasn’t warranted. All you did was crap on the question and the OP’s beliefs.

JilltheTooth's avatar

@King_Pariah : Unfortunately, the anti-theists on this site have been hiding behind the label of atheist for quite a while now. It’s a shame. Fluther boasts a large number of atheists who do not feel that it’s necessary to proselytize and/or ridicule persons of faith, but are willing to discuss these issues with agnostics, deists, theists, and members of various religions in a respectful manner. Often, however, the loudest voices are the only ones that are heard.

fundevogel's avatar

@JilltheTooth I have made no secret of being an atheist, anti-theist, misotheist and what have you. I didn’t think any of those things meant I was inherently a dick either though.

I am truly sorry though if you haven’t felt free to express yourself here.

JilltheTooth's avatar

@fundevogel : I didn’t specifically name you or anyone, in fact I specifically talked about people who refer to themselves as “atheists” when they’re clearly “anti-theists”. If you have stated as you just said that you are ”...anti-theist, misotheist and what have you..” then I’m not talking about you, now am I? Please don’t be putting words in my mouth. And really, do you think that I haven’t felt free to express myself here? Really?

fundevogel's avatar

@JilltheTooth I’m not trying to stir things up and I was hoping you weren’t talking about me. My primary concern was that you seemed to be equating anti-theism with assholery and I don’t think one should imply the other. There are assholes of every stripe, I hope that there aren’t anymore represented among those groups than in any other. Though they may seem to be if the only anti-theists you know to be anti-theists are that ones that like to go on a warpath. That’s why I do like to point out that I belong to all those groups.

King_Pariah's avatar

Oh c’mon @fundevogel, you know she was targeting the anti theists who were being over the top and disrepectful here. There is no need for that. Just as there is no need for the whole “I’m right, you’re wrong, stop believing in God” bullshit. It’s completely out of place here and may as well be trolling in this thread.

As a nihilist, it doesn’t matter to me if she happened to be Christian, Muslim, Wiccan, or whatever because in the end, what I believe, it doesn’t matter and is pointless in a insignificant and pointless exitstence. It doesn’t matter that she believes in god and much of fluther doesn’t, let her live how she chooses and stop pouncing upon a moment of weakness and start trying to shove anti theism and atheism down her throat. You prove yourself to be no better than a pack of hyenas, and frankly it’s pathetic. Everyone should be able to live believing what they wish without having to be harassed. This is not a “is there a god?” thread. This is someone asking for advice and help. A person asking for reasonable advice and help. So act like how a “decent” human being should act and treat her with some dignity and respect. Well, it doesn’t matter, you only succeed in making yourselves look like immature assholes who need to be put back into pampers and treated like infants. :P

And did you ever think that you may be wrong in your belief? I have accepted that the possibility is there, and am perfectly fine with the slim possibility of burning in hell, that is if there is such a place. Are you?

fundevogel's avatar

@King_Pariah You’ve been outspoken about atheists being pushy about their beliefs in this thread. And toes have been stepped on. But, if you look back you’ll see that I haven’t been here to spread my atheism or denigrate religion. I’m just talking.

So kindly refrain from likening me to a hyena while accusing me of being the harrasser, I’m not fighting.

King_Pariah's avatar

@fundevogel my bad, everything after the first paragraph was directed at the hyenas, not you at all But poking at JilltheTooth’s generalization was not necessary as anyone could see that you were not one pouncing on Kandy’s moment of weakness. I apologize if I offended you, but as for the others, no apology whatsoever.

XOIIO's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate It was advice and the person respects other peoples opinions, and they didn’t complain to me about it, so whats the problem?

wundayatta's avatar

@KatawaGrey At the moment, the text on @Kandy‘s home page is “Just another internet troll. :)”

If this has changed by the time you go look at it, then I can link you to a screen shot I took of it.

I don’t know if @Kandy had trolling in mind when asking this question or not. I think it’s an interesting question, and I think that there are definitely things going on underneath the question. Just as I do for anyone who talks about God. There’s stuff going on underneath. There are a whole set of life experiences that lead to the person seeing things in terms of religious terminology.

@JilltheTooth I think it is pretty clear that the question is vague even to those of faith, since their answers are all over the place. This is fine, in my opinion.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Well, this question turned into yet another anti-theist vs. theist thread. @Kandy, if you want to talk, I encourage you to message me privately. I have recently reconciled a crisis of faith myself and I would be happy to hear you out without telling you that you shouldn’t believe.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I find that sitting in a quiet church alone can really help me clear my head and put my thoughts into perspective. I also feel stronger through my prayers when I am in church rather than anywhere else with the normal day to day distractions. If there is a God I don’t believe that He expects us to be perfect because human beings can’t be perfect. I think He expects us to try to be decent people and take responsibility for our actions and mistakes.

Kandy's avatar

Ohhh my.. There are too many people to even try to name off and personalize messages to. So I will do my best by doing it all in one.. sigh Here I go. :)

I realize I said I am an internet troll. Yes, that is true. I can say I will ask questions that will provoke an EMOTIONAL response. In a good way. Religion is a touchy topic anyways, so why would I want to be an asswipe and start stirring shit up when all I want is help? I am interested in people’s emotions and beliefs. I’m not the troll //who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages// I’m a different breed all of my own. Believe it or not, I could care less. Thought I should clear that up. BUT – I believe everyone should be able to follow their own religious path, whether they decide to believe or not is up to them. I do not “hate” on those of a different belief, because I do not have a set belief. I basically follow the Christian religion but I have some different opinions on some of their ideas and beliefs. My path is very vague all in itself, so it was harder to even try to piece together a question that even remotely made any kind of sense.

I’m just asking for advice on what I should do and was hoping I’d get responses that made me feel less and less alone in this screwy world. Guess what haters? I did. My faith is growing stronger now, I’ve let go of a lot of what I couldn’t shake off. I am totally fine with non-believers posting on here, after all, I *DID post this on a rather public site, I could have easily gone to an ‘All Christian Followers’ site to ask this question. But I didn’t. I posted it to Fluther. I am open to everyone’s ideas, just not when the atheists and anti-theists try to knock down my faith when it is already low. not that that was what they were doing But I thank all of you for your comments. I really do.

@wundayatta This really stuck with me.. “I don’t know if @Kandy had trolling in mind when asking this question or not. I think it’s an interesting question, and I think that there are definitely things going on underneath the question. Just as I do for anyone who talks about God. There’s stuff going on underneath. There are a whole set of life experiences that lead to the person seeing things in terms of religious terminology.” because you are exactly correct and I think that there are definitely things going on underneath the question. Just as I do for anyone who talks about God. There’s stuff going on underneath. Life isn’t always bright and cheery for me, but it isn’t dark and gray always either. Just like everyone else’s life. It isn’t always perfect and there was a lot of stuff going on underneath. It would have been much easier if everyone thought like that.. :))

wundayatta's avatar

@Kandy Thank you very much for that response. I’m going to say a funny thing for an atheist. But it takes a lot of faith for me to keep on answering what I think are the underneath questions when people give out so much shit for not answering what they think the OP wants.

Maybe if we opened our minds a little more, and tried not to think so narrowly about what other people want, we’d get more creative and useful answers with much greater regularity.

I work very hard to give the best answers I can, and my answers come from a place of great caring. Yes, sometimes I get snarky and snide, and sometimes I just want to have some fun, but I always try to feel the heart of what someone is saying. Sometimes, that heart is filled with pain. Sometimes it’s got a lot of anger in it. Often times anger comes out of pain—feeling lonely and hurt. But sometimes people just seem to want to stay in their anger, and in cases like that, I find it really hard to stay in my good hearted place.

Loneliness sucks big time. I’ve lived it most of my life—a very deep existential loneliness that blossomed into a depression that could have killed me, I think.

But I must have had hope because I never did go all the way out. And indeed, @Kandy, fluther helped me. There is a community of people here who have very good hearts. I say that even though I have had my share of fights with some of them and even though I have insulted some quite strongly and they won’t let me forget it.

But I believe we all have good hearts and we all want what you want. I think we all want to be connected. In fact, I think that what God means to most people—at a level underneath words—is connection. Fluther is a place of connection. Oddly, even when people fight, we demonstrate a commitment to this community. Of course, it’s much nicer when we laugh and say nice things to each other, but still, I feel a sense of commitment here, a commitment to the community and to each other and often a genuine love for others here.

That love is what helps lift the loneliness. That feeling of connection and belonging helps lift the loneliness. Fluther can’t do it all on its own. You need real world support, too. But fluther can save lives. I say that because I totally believed it helped save mine.

Jussange's avatar

Wow, someone recommended I check out fluther because it’s friendly and helpful. I’m having second thoughts after looking over some of the answers that are on this thread which seem to be pretty much harassment of her faith. As @King_Pariah said, some people here seem to be no better than a pack of hyenas. :S

XOIIO's avatar

@Jussange Yes, but you chose a bad question to look at, religion will always leave a bad impression because of the arguments.

Jussange's avatar

@XOIIO I’d be totally fine with threads asking “is god real?” or whatnot going south. That’s to be expected. But when someone is asking for help with their faith? It seem like people are deliberately trying to be hurtful, disrespectful, and detrimental to her faith by attacking her faith when she wants reinforcement, that’s pretty low.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Unfortunately, there are quite a few anti-theist hypocrites that choose to go on every religious thread and prosthelytize.

For some reason, non-dog owners don’t go on “How do I train my puppy?” questions, but ask a religious question and request that only theists answer and select anti-theists refuse to ignore.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Jussange Aside from the religious questions and the political questions….. Fluther is really an amazing place!

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