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disenchanted_poisongirl's avatar

What should I do now? (details inside)

Asked by disenchanted_poisongirl (1443points) January 19th, 2012

First of all, you should know that I’m a girl, and I’m 14. Anyway, there’s a girl I really like. We said we were going to be just friends, but when we are together, it’s obvious that we’re more than friends. I mean, she calls me baby, we kiss all the time, etc. But she’s not my girlfriend, because we agreed that we were going to be only friends. (It’s weird, right?) Also, last time I saw her, I told her that I was in love with her (and now that I think about it, I’m not sure if I meant it) and she said that she couldn’t fall in love, or really love someone. And now, it’s like I never said it. What did she mean? And what should I do now? I know that I’m crazy for her, and believe me I’m trying to hide it. I don’t want to feel like this, if she’s never going to feel anything for me. Should I pretend I never said it? Or find someone else? I don’t want to, but… I don’t know. Please, help me

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18 Answers

marinelife's avatar

Perhaps you need to ask her why she feels she can’t fall in love or really love someone. Ask her to describe how she does feel about you.

Tell her that you would really like to be girlfriends, and see what she says.

Then you will have a better basis to decide if you should move on or not.

disenchanted_poisongirl's avatar

@marinelife I’ve asked her how she feels about me, and she said I meant a lot to her (what is that supposed to mean?) and that I’m the best thing that has happened to her -but still, she doesn’t love me. I don’t understand.
Also, I’m afraid to ask her to be my girlfriend, because I don’t know how she’s going to react. I don’t want to lose her…

marinelife's avatar

@disenchanted_poisongirl That is the dilemma when friendship turns to romance, but what do really have now except a hollow relationship?

SpatzieLover's avatar

And now, it’s like I never said it. What did she mean? And what should I do now?

You’ll want to ask her these questions you listed above. If she answers indirectly, then maybe she’s seriously not ready to commit to a romantic relationship.

Do you know if she’s hiding her sexuality from her family?

disenchanted_poisongirl's avatar

@marinelife I don’t know…

@SpatzieLover I’ll ask her next time I see her. I don’t know for sure, but I think that she’s hiding it. Her friends know, though.

syz's avatar

You’re 14? Don’t you think maybe you should cool it for a few years?

Hain_roo's avatar

At your age she most probably does not know what she wants and most probably isn’t emotioally ready to contemplate ‘love’.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

Ha-ha, @syz . I feel the same way, but alas, I remember when I was fourteen and affairs of the heart seemed very important at the time.

If this girl calls you Baby, and kisses you, and pals around with you as a girlfriend would, then just enjoy it. Who cares if she can say “I love you” or not. There are more ways and more convincing ways to say it than just with words. Why look for another. You have the person you want right now, don’t you?

Zaku's avatar

If you really love someone and they return your affection, then think about why you would need for them to make statements of commitment to you, that are not what comes naturally and spontaneously to them without you prompting them.

Needing someone to commit to you isn’t love – it’s fear of loss.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Ah, to be 14 and into girls again! (which I still am into, but you know!) Look, just have a talk (without kissing) where you let her know that you might not have meant you love her but you feel for her strongly. Also, consider that in actuality all human relationships are not black and white and are never really platonic or only romantic. Our society teaches us otherwise but our experiences show the truth. Yes, you might not be just friends or just romantically involved, but so what?

disenchanted_poisongirl's avatar

@Hain_roo Probably. I’m not sure about anything, right now.

@Skaggfacemutt You’re right. And yes, I have the person I want, but… but. I don’t know.

@Zaku I don’t need commitment, I just need to know. Even if she feels nothing, I still want to know.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir That’s what I’m gonna do! I didn’t expect human relationships to be so confusing and complicated…

It’s like I’ll go crazy, or something.

Hain_roo's avatar

I say enjoy being 14 and just have fun, Life gets lots more complicated as it goes along, enjoy being a kid for a while longer ;)

Brian1946's avatar

Is that Amy Winehouse in your avatar?

disenchanted_poisongirl's avatar

We talked. She said “I think I should let you go” because she was with me “just to have fun” and “can’t feel anything”. Well… she said all these things, and then she said she wanted to stay friends. But I can’t do it.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Good for you for opening the conversation back up. Better for you for becoming aware of what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship.

BeckyKytty's avatar

Just bear in mind, Love is a Verb,
It is something we do, not necessarily what we are feeling.
Lust, attraction, feelings of caring can elude us at times, but we know to keep giving love in spite of the feeling.
We fall in and out of feeling in love, but when we give love, and don’t feel all the squishy, mushy stuff, and give out of hearts, the action, the verb is actual loving.

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