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Charles's avatar

Would you leave your spouse if he/she became too fat?

Asked by Charles (4823points) January 20th, 2012

A lot of people get divorced, we all know that. It seems that the lack of sex appears to be a big issue and a factor in the divorce. Many of those getting divorced say it is because the spouse got really fat and it became a turn off.

How big is too big before you lose interest? 20 lb, 40 lb? Doesn’t matter? Would you be considered shallow if your spouse gained 100 lbs and you didn’t want to indulge?

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16 Answers

dabbler's avatar

It’s probably more complicated than that… a spouse who gained 100 pounds probably also acquired a self-esteem issue along the way and could be embarrassed and off-putting about intimacy.

Having said that… If the marriage was dependent on the spouses being ‘hot’ it was doomed by the likelihood that they won’t stay hot the rest of their lives. —the marriage was shallow in the first place.

creative1's avatar

For me marriage is about the person themself and not weight that attracts me to a person. I need something deeper to go wrong than the shallowness of looking at a persons outside appearance. But I guess that is just me.

geeky_mama's avatar

No offense but that’s the stupidest reason for a divorce I can think of..
For one thing, people can LOSE weight. Even a 100lb weight loss can take less than a year.

I think that would be a complete sham of a reason for a divorce with the REAL reason being something else less easily changed like his sex addiction and her binge eating in response to his infidelity and her inability to trust him.

Jude's avatar

I am going to get in trouble for saying this, but, someone who gains more than 50lbs, I have a hard time being attracted to them, sexually ( say, if they’re small in stature to begin with).

Divorce, though? No.

geeky_mama's avatar

AND every person I know who’s gone through a divorce has lost weight. It’s a known phenomena – Divorce Diet.

So if a man were so shallow as to divorce his wife for being “too chubby” or “not hot enough” what a rude shock he might get when he goes to sign the papers a few months later and finds she’s at her pre-marriage weight and looks better than ever.

Coloma's avatar

Yes, I agree it is extremely shallow to dump a person because they put on SOME weight. A woman giving birth might easily gain 40 lbs. and it may take her a year or two to get back in shape, which will not be exactly the same shape as before. However, if a spouse gains a HUGE amount of weight and makes no effort to lose it, I certainly can understand the loss of attraction.
20–40 lbs. is not a deal breaker, 100+ very well might be.

I have an ex friend who gained a huge amount of weight and her husband had several affairs.
I am not, in any way, condoning his behavior, but she was in total denial of how her morbid obesity lent itself to his straying. I know it was very painful for her, but, she refused to own her contribution in letting herself go to the point of morbid obesity and his straying behavior.
The man married a beautiful and physically fit woman and within 2 years she was the size of an elephant. Sad, but, I can relate to his feeling betrayed, even though he was an ass for taking the sleazy, easy way out.

Blackberry's avatar

I already am attracted to a wide range of body types, which include fat ones, but there is still “too big” for me just like there is “too skinny”.

marinelife's avatar

Many of those getting divorced say it is because the spouse got really fat and it became a turn off.

What is your source for this statement? I have never heard anyone say this.

john65pennington's avatar

This question was a reality check with my wife and I before we married each other. We promised that neither one of us would “lose our shapes” in later life. And, so far we both have stuck with it. My wife is 5 ft 3 in and weighes 120 pounds. I am 6 ft 5 in and weigh 220 pounds.

Mind you, this has not been an easy task for either one of us. But, we are determined to keep our promises to each other and we have done so.

But, what if each one of us had blown our promises and gained a lot of weight?

Good question.

fundevogel's avatar

@john65pennington “We promised that neither one of us would “lose our shapes” in later life.”

I like that you made a commitment to health part of your marriage. It’s always easier to stay fit when you’ve got a workout buddy. :)

JLeslie's avatar

It would have to be a lot of weight. I would say my husband would have to gain over 80 pounds for me to start even thinking, hey, you are gaining a lot of weight.

smilingheart1's avatar

Significant weight gain affects the face right along with the body and sometimes you only recognize the former dear countenance through the eyes. The favorite facial expressions just don’t translate the same, though love if true holds affections on course. Hardest is the loss of energy, the well-being and energy that comes with being one’s best confident self. This is for people who have had the experience of vitality and let it slip. Life long weight battlers don’t know what true vitality is. The relationship if not between two mature people is breeding grounds for infidelity of some sort, keeping in mind there truly are at least 50 ways to leave your lover.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Not leave but if my current spouse gained 100lbs, there’s no way we could even have sex. I’m pretty sure I would love him just the same but also pretty sure my sexual attraction would lesson if for no other reason than fear and frustration over health issues. I can gamble the same for him but his lessened attraction would be more physical than concern for my health. We know each well enough to know what it is about each other that got our motors cranked in the first place.

Right now I am at a weight that is irritating to my husband and I know it but I don’t think he ponders cheating or leaving me over it. I’d have to show no interest in getting back to my healthy weight for him to consider any sort of distraction and even then, it wouldn’t include cheating.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Whilst it isn’t the most important thing, I do believe that physical attraction is important and I can understand why people are no longer attracted to their partner if they gain a lot of weight and don’t do anything to get back in shape. I think the issue lies behind _ why_ they gained weight. I find laziness and gluttony with food a real turn off and they’re personality traits that will cause weight gain. Now, if my partner turned into that person (having never been like that before) then yes, it could be the end of our relationship if he didn’t sort it out. If the weight gain is because of a genuine health issue then hopefully his personality wouldn’t have changed so, whilst I may be less physically attracted to him, he would still be the same person I fell in love with beneath it all.

tinyfaery's avatar

Uhh…(All but one of you do not know my wife so I’ll tell you this.Though she’d be upset if she knew I said this.)

My wife weighed 98 pounds and was 20 years old when we met Oh. My. Gawd. Now she is 31 and has gained quite a few pounds. She is still super sexy and I’d never consider leaving her because of her weight. She still thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world (or so she says) and I’m no skinny-mini.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Weight…actual numbers on a scale, have zero bearing on the love I have for my husband.

I wouldn’t put my kid up for adoption if he gained weight, either.

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