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punkrockworld's avatar

What would you do if you knew your dad/mom is cheating on your mom/dad? Tell the other parent or not?

Asked by punkrockworld (960points) May 23rd, 2008
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

26 Answers

bulbatron9's avatar

Punkrock never tattles!

El_Cadejo's avatar

I would first talk to your mom/dad(one whos cheating) and tell them you know and they should tell your mom/dad(being cheated on) about it or you will be forced to. But its better for any hope of saving their marriage for them to hear it from their SO rather than their child.

Zaku's avatar

I would tell the cheating parent, to wake them up and get them to do something responsible. If I were a kid, I’d naturally get very upset, go through grief and coping and weird meaning-making from being introduced to adult relationship heck as a child.

marinelife's avatar

This is not a good situation to be in the middle of. If an attempt at talking to the cheating parent does not work, you might go to a sympathetic adult. Their pastor?

How painful.

punkrockworld's avatar

Thanks for all your comments. Very helpful.

babygalll's avatar

I would confront the parent who is cheating. No beating around the bush. Just come out and tell them you know what is going on. Tell your parent who is cheating to come clean with the other parent. The sooner the better. The longer they wait to come clean will just make a big mess of things.

pumahawk's avatar

make sure you nip it in the bud early on.

this is one of those things that will for sure get exponentially worse if you leave it alone. maybe try and play marriage counselor, and sort out whatever problems are going on. it would surprise you how much a marriage can be like a teenage relationship, even after 20 years. o_o

richmarshall's avatar

First off..I am sorry you have to deal with something so difficult. I agree with the other posters that you should confront the offending partner first.

TheHaight's avatar

I’m sorry you have to go through this. My boyfriend went through this with his mom and dad. The dad was cheating on the mom, and she took him back not only once, but twice. I think the truth comes out either way, I’d let them know. My boyfriend was there for his mom. The mom even attempted suicide- but my boyfriend found her and… Saved her from driving her car into a tree. Basically, being there for your mother/father will help out so much. It helped out my boyfriend and his mom, and now she has even remarried and is thee happiest person. Good luck.

DeezerQueue's avatar

Discovering that your parents aren’t perfect and capable of making huge mistakes is a double whammy.

I agree with some of the others, approaching the parent who is having the extramarital affair is probably the first place to start. Be prepared for the response. They may start off by blaming the other spouse and begin with an entire laundry list of their shortcomings and how they’ve failed them in the marriage. They may lash out at you about other things, including yourself, trying to deflect the real issue. There is also the chance that your other parent already suspects an affair. No matter what the reasoning is, you should stop it dead in its tracks and suggest that they take it up with a marriage counselor, that as their child it’s not appropriate for them to discuss these things with you, that you are merely informing them that you have knowledge of the fact.

I think in the end I would probably seek out counseling of some kind to deal with the situation. The church or school counselor may be a good place to start. As things evolve you will find out what the best thing is to do.

You seem to have an awful lot on your plate at the same time, that’s life how generally works, but I still wish you much strength in having to go through it.

DS's avatar

I won’t tell perhaps your mom/dad knows about it already. It’s not your role to interfere in their relationship.

willbrawn's avatar

its happend with my parents a couple times. So I personally would not hold back ad would tell the other parent. I dont play the infedility (not sure if thats spelled right) game.

buster's avatar

get something out of it. blackmail the offender.

pattyb's avatar

I never told my mom about my dad and his extra curricular activities. She eventually found out herself, most spouses do. Its been many years, and I have never had any regrets by not telling or by getting involved. The outcome was the same no matter if I got involved or not. They never split up, but the damage was done and the bond was forever weakend and strained.

e bond was forever

LunaFemme's avatar

This is tough, but I think I’m with the say nothing crowd. You may be making assumptions about their relationship that sasthe child you really aren’t privy too. Maybe they have an agreement with each other. Maybe the cheatee knows deep down & really doesn’t want to confront this.

There are a myriad of pitfalls in this situation. I think the focus is that you are the kid here & they’re your parents. Some things are just inappapropriate for you to get in the middle of. If it was a best friend I would probably feel differently. So I say, stay out of it and be as loving & supportive of your patents (as u can be) if the shit hits the fan and all dirty laundry is aired.

stephen's avatar

not a good idea! if ur dad is cheatin on ur mom, choose to chat with ur dad not ur mom and if u think that essential to tell ur mom the truth u should let ur dad know ur feelin first,thats the way showin ur respect for ur dad,

edmartin101's avatar

I know how you feel, I went through the same experience with my parents. My dad was cheating on my mom. I was too young to confront my father when he did it the first time. This went on for years and my mom always took him back for the sake of raising us with both parents. Once I grew up, I was in high school and my dad was about to hit my mom with his fist, I just got in the middle between the two to defend my mom. That was the last time I saw my dad at home. My mom has always been a strong woman. She never re-marry but she is happy with us, her children. We love her so much!!

flameboi's avatar

you know something, I did it… no remorse at all because what I did was right, you can’t cover someone who’s cheating, it damage the relationship I have with my dad like forever (we have distanced ourselves, in some way) but I could not live without telling my mom

edmartin101's avatar

What did your mom say? Did she cry? Poor her, I sympathize with her

flameboi's avatar

It was terrible, i was like 14 years old, i mean, it was like ten years ago, come to think of it, I think it was mid june when it happened, but as I said, there are things that you must not cover, even though the consecuences can be a complete disaster… the funniest thing of it is that i saw what i saw one friday afternoon i decided to scape school and hit the mall to watch some france ‘98 world cup games, gosh time goes by so fast!

twilight123's avatar

well actully im not of age to know exzactly what to do in a situation like this im only 12 but i know that when you find out there cheating that, that little momment hurts the most. I know this because im going threw it right now and it’s like hell!!! How it happend was i was looking at my moms phone because i got bored but i looked at her texts first i saw the stuff i sent her then i went farther down and saw a number i didn’t know about so i decided to look at them and it was horrible it said what time should i pick you up at the hotell then it said i love you sincerly ryan!!!! i was shocked it was really surprizing to me. I started to flip and so i called my freinds to ask what to do but i think ill try to confront my mom just know anyone out there i know how you feel.

Alottababble's avatar

I’m going through this for the second time the first time I busted her put but she just reversed it and told me I was lying eventually she confessed to a five year relationship… My dad took her back she made us move and said that if we didn’t take her back she would kill herself in her attempts to manipulate us we let her back in but I am always looking out for clues, my mom supposedly went out of town this weekend to San Jose but her flight itinerary said Arizona she went there before on a cheating trip…. Do I confront my mom and tell my dad even if I know he won’t leave her and today is my sisters bday :(

princesslilsis's avatar

my mom cheated on my dad, on the internet.. so i looked this up.. so yea.. i am a 12 year old girl that crys every single night wondering what to do..
i still dont kno what to do.. :(
i am cry at this single moment..
i feel your pain.

kcarlson's avatar

I am going through the same thing as the 12 yr old girl above me. I really don’t know what to do my mom is having a texting relationship and I know the guy. It is so hard and I don’t think I can confront her :(

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
LolaPop120's avatar

Yeh, I’m currently going through this. I’m 21, and the other day I was goofing off w/ my dad’s phone and found out about these texts he’s been sending to this guy. I honestly don’t know what to do. From what I gathered, they’ve been texting each other for a LONG time, and they’ve even met a few times…yeah. Sigh, I’m at the point where I want to tell my mom about the whole thing because I’m starting to resent my dad for it, but I just don’t know. My mom’s had enough on her plate recently w/ her dad being in the hospital and her job keeping her stressed; I’m afraid that telling her about this would be the breaking point. At the same time, I really feel like I should tell her. My dad doesn’t know that I’m aware of this situation, and I just don’t know what to do. This sucks. I’m done ranting now I guess, and I’ve read what people have suggested, so I’ll keep them in mind, I guess.

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