General Question

Charles's avatar

How can you tell if a woman is in love....or desperate?

Asked by Charles (4815points) April 16th, 2012

Any signs that point to a woman who is desperate?

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13 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Desperate for what? A person? A relationship? I think I need more information. All of us are desperate at some points in our lives, for something. I’m afraid trying to come up with a list of ‘women who are desperate’ never ends up in anything good, for women.

chyna's avatar

I would think the same signs are there whether it’s a man or woman that is desperate. Calling all the time, texting all the time, wanting to see someone all the time, wanting to move in or get married as soon as you start dating, checking up on the person, reading their emails and texts from other people. Any one thing that is too much to the other person looks desperate.
That is not to say the above things are always a sign, but if it makes the other person uncomfortable, then they could perceive the person as desperate.

wundayatta's avatar

In general, people who act desperate seem to have exaggerated responses to the situation. Their responses seem to go over the top. They are unexpected and difficult to believe. It seems like the person is placing hopes in something that is really a long shot. A very long shot.

Love is a different issue. There you would get the idea that she really enjoys her lover’s company and wants to spend all her time with them. She shows signs of caring for that person a great deal. She is happy in that person’s presence. She seeks out opportunities to be with the lover. It’s all pretty standard.

tom_g's avatar

I’ve been sitting here self-editing all of my bad jokes.

@Charles – Maybe you can approach this question by first turning it around to look at yourself. What criteria would you use to identify desperation in yourself? And what would you define as “desperate”? Is this some kind of lowering of standards or something?

Once you have at least addressed the question as it applies to you, you then might ask what it means to identify it another person. You might also want to figure out if there is a difference in identifying “desperation” in someone who is aware of their own desperation or completely unaware of it.

Anyway, I don’t think the question – as it stands right now without much detail – means anything. I have a working idea of desperation that covers much of our existence. You might have a very narrow definition that will help us answer your question.

CWOTUS's avatar

Unrequited love creates its own desperation. There may be no “difference” to be seen.

tedd's avatar

I dated a girl the summer after my freshmen year of college. She had just graduated and lived in the townhouse across from the one I’d just moved into with several friends. We didn’t date long, a few months, and then she landed a job 7 hours away. The relationship essentially ended (amicably) with me visiting her at her new home.

Fast forward to my 4th year of college (or rather the summer just before it). I went down to visit her for a few days. We hit it off again, but things were quite obviously different with her. Where as when we’d dated years earlier her her interest in me was plainly genuine, her interest this time… was almost as if she was sizing me up. She asked me questions like how school was going, how soon til I graduated, what my degree would be in, what I wanted to do for a job, several more core questions about my plans for my future, etc, etc…. It became abundantly clear she was trying to see if I would make a good husband. It didn’t make things too awkward honestly. I just told her the truth, we had a fun weekend, and that was that. She ended up meeting her eventual husband (and eventual father of her child) about a month after I visited.

That was the most “desperate” I’d ever seen a woman. She was in her mid/late 20’s, and she was more of a religious/conservative type. So that she wasn’t even dating a strong potential husband was probably eating her up inside. To her credit she seems incredibly happy with her husband, so that’s good.

Coloma's avatar

I agree with @chyna

A certain amount of calling/texting, etc. and excitement is normal in a new relationship but…if the need for contact becomes obsessive, constant, among the other things listed, it is more desperation and neediness rather than healthy interest and desire for contact.
Yep, big red flag if the person is talking living together or marriage after only a few weeks.
I dated a guy a few years ago that was talking about relocating up to my area and living together within 3 weeks of dating….WTF?

Whats really scary is when the person in question is in their 40’s or 50’s. Relationship neediness and anxiety is more common in younger peeps relationships but once you’re in your 40’s or 50’s it takes “desperation” to a whole new level. lol

deni's avatar

When I think of a desperate woman in the traditional sense (in my mind) I just think of a woman who is overly obsessed with a guy, too much calling, texting, possessiveness perhaps, never has anything of her own going on, no personal hobbies or goals, clingy….always available at the drop of a hat. I try not to enter into relationships and get to the point where I “love” someone and still don’t know if they’re being genuine or just are desperate and need me to fill a void in themselves.

Pandora's avatar

Unfortunately its easy to be both at the same time. But I’m always suspicious of a person who speaks about their love interest as if it were some good investment that will take them aways from their nightmare life.
Clues would be, ” I can’t wait to start our life together. Everything will be so different and I can escape my family.”
This person is a great finacial catch. I’ll finally be able to afford all the stuff I wanted and could never get.
This person slaps me around but it doesn’t matter, he or she is so worth the pain.
This person has a lot of baggage but I’m going to ignore it. I just can’t wait to get the ring on my finger.
No we don’t really spend time with each other or even really communicate but it doesn’t matter, I’m going through this wedding because I already spent tons of money on the wedding and clothing.
I will become whoever or whatever they want me to be. I’m walking down that aisle.

linguaphile's avatar

This is a really good question—but many of the answers seem to blur the line between desperation and love. I’m reading that there doesn’t seem to be one clear demarcation line.

I get really enthusiastic when I meet someone I hit off with—male or female. I can become really, really excited and intense in my curiosity and interest; all I want to do is get to know that new person and that’s my natural first reaction. Unfortunately, it can make me look desperate and foolish and I’ve run off some people in the process. On the most part, I’ve learned to temper it and rein in my hyperactivity, but I do wear my heart on my sleeve and I do so love connecting with people.

My point is—there’s a difference between desperation, love, and just honest enthusiasm. The difference seems to often be in the eye of the beholder—the receiver of the attention.

Coloma's avatar

@linguaphile Well said and agreed.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I agree with @linguaphile. One person’s attempts at interest, enthusiasm and connection could be interpreted as “sizing up” or hunting for “Mrs. Degree”.

As far as age being a factor, this is what I’ve seen and also experienced- younger people sometimes move boldy and quickly, driven by excitement and newness. Older folks (over 25) also can move boldly and quickly but because of experience recognizing positive flags/traits that work well for them.

ninjacolin's avatar

I’m gonna go ahead and claim there’s no difference.

If the love/desperation is reciprocated, then you have a situation where the love/desperation is satiated and everyone lives happily ever after.

Otherwise, you end up with one person who is desperate for something that they can’t have and another who’s desperate to avoid what the other wants.

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