General Question

emeraldisles's avatar

Can you get used to being disappointed and miserable?

Asked by emeraldisles (1949points) July 30th, 2012

It certaintly seems I always have been with maybe the exception of not being for a little while like a couple of hours or a day.Not going to go into specifics unless you want to know. You know my freaky sob story. Nothing is shocking.By the way, I am in therapy, not going to be able to go forever.Everyone has their own problems. Come on, I deserve this.

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15 Answers

Aflove's avatar

No, im the same way right now. /: & im trying to do what makes me happiest the most. So try and do what makes you happy even if you have to work really hard for it.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Happiness is fleeting.

I believe a lot of it has to do with attitude.

For myself, I try to be ready for happiness whenever it may decide to pop in. I keep a positive outlook about it.

It’s my opinion that if I’m expecting disappointment and misery, I’m sure to get them. If I’m open to receiving love and understanding, I have more of a chance of getting those.

tom_g's avatar

I have a tendency to occasionally slip into a dark place that seems nearly impossible to get out of. I have been making some steady ascent out of the abyss for awhile now, fortunately. I feel much better. My daily routine has been to:
– Eat well. Every single meal.
– Exercise – even if it’s for a few minutes everyday.
– Watch my speech. I find that my negative talk isn’t just a mere reflection of my emotional state. It’s a contributor.
– Meditate. Even if I can only do 10 minutes.
– Find moments during different activities (doing the dishes, sorting laundry, etc) to be completely aware.

One thing that I try to remember when I am feeling that life is full of problems: Wanting life to be problem free is a problem. When I acknowledge that, I am able to drop one of my problems immediately. Often, this has a positive effect.

gailcalled's avatar

One of my longtime rules is to allow myself only one long sentence daily of whining, complaining, feeling sorry for myself or otherwise glomming around.

That is enough. My sister and I sometime swear to time each other when the sentence begins to sprout a lot of unnecessary dependent clauses.

Blackberry's avatar

Yeah, stay in the military for awhile. It’s great for attaining such a status.

Nullo's avatar

You can get used to anything that doesn’t kill you.

emeraldisles's avatar

Yeah your right. I try and try. I keep getting road blocks. i am in this alone. There’s no point in even trying to rationalize with my family, since times have changed and all I get is misery. I’ve always had a depressed life for some reason. Its amazing when I’m around like 1 or 2 other people or animals and I can just forget about it. Yeah, I’m not cut out for the military though I thought the National Guard was an option. I wouldn’t last.

tom_g's avatar

@emeraldisles: “I’ve always had a depressed life for some reason.”

There is a huge difference between the general dissatisfaction that most people feel and the deep, dark hole that is depression. There is help to be had with the latter. Once you have received help and you are just a dissatisfied whiny fool like the majority of us, then the real work starts. It’s all up to you – which is both intimidating and liberating.

emeraldisles's avatar

Well I was molested as a child and had no strong male role models in my family.I’m getting help and I do know part of who I am. I think about it for so long, and then I try really hard not too. Part of it is being screamed at and not reasoned with or being ignored, or all of the above, and the mental illness issues in this family. Yada, yada, yada. My best friend is my self now.Its hard knowing certain things.

tom_g's avatar

@emeraldisles – I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I don’t have any experience with that. But way too many people do. I hope you are getting the best help, and you know that what you have gone through (and possibly going through) is too common and something that qualified, decent, professionals can help you work through. I wish you well.

emeraldisles's avatar

Thank you. I hope I can get to a better place and not feel like a witch with a b on wheels. I don’t want to become what I despise.

Paradox25's avatar

Did you ever hear the statement just because I can tolerate you it doesn’t mean that I like you? Well that applies here too. To me when you can get used to something it usually shows at least some degree of likability. I’ve been there myself, and to a degree I still am, so no I don’t believe that we ever get used to being miserable, but we will tolerate it if we feel for some reason that we have to. I’m miserable alot, but I do try to fight it in my own ways by changing a few of my habits and thought patterns, and sometimes this even works. I hope this has helped in at least some way, though I’m not sure what to suggest here outside of briefly describing my own personal experiences with being unhappy and tolerating this.

mattbrowne's avatar

Yes, Martin Seligman calls this learned helplessness. But there’s also a way out of it.

augustlan's avatar

I was molested, too, @emeraldisles, for the first 13 years of my life. It sucked the joy out of my life for far too long. Therapy and medication helped me so much. I hope you can make your peace with it, too.

emeraldisles's avatar

Yeah and I know this sounds ridiculous probably, but I if it can happen could see being satisfied in a job that maybe doesn’t pay well, but I get some sort of satisfaction out of. I know that sounds strange, but having trouble there too of course. I don’t want to offend anyone who has done fast food here. But again, I probably did.

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