Is life meant to be lonely?

Life’s not “meant” to be anything, it’s what you personally make of it.
If you’re uncomfortable with solitude then do something about it.

Life is not meant to be lonely. Then again, life is not meant to be connected. Life, in fact, is not meant to be anything at all.

Life is something, though. What life is, is an opportunity. Life allows you to create the kind of existence you want. Life is no guarantee, of course. It is no guarantee that you will get what you want, but it does give you the opportunity. Obviously, without life, you have nothing and can never have anything.

If you don’t want to be lonely, you must connect with people. Some people you may connect with at a medium level, but you will probably also want to connect with some at a very deep level.

I can tell you that in my own life, making that deepest of all connections is the most important thing I do. For me, that feels like falling in love. It feels like complete trust. I can lower all the barriers. No fear of being known. No fear of not being ok or good enough. Sufficient acceptance and appreciation so I feel known and loved and cared for and complete.

For me, too, there is a physical component that is necessary to complete those feelings. We must be lovers. My spirit and mind and soul are not separate from my body. The acceptance and appreciation must be completed with physical love making or they aren’t complete.

It’s not easy to find this. Indeed, it can’t really be found. It must be made. I have spent my life learning to build this connection, and I am 56 and still learning how to do it. I have had moments of pure connection with someone else—enough that I don’t feel lonely most of the time now. This is a great improvement. Four years ago I was in such despair about my loneliness that I was very close to ending it all. Medications, therapy and a lot of dedicating pursuing of love helped me out of that pickle.

I’m bipolar, and I believe I feel loneliness a little more intensely than most people do. Of course, it’s hard to compare, and maybe it’s just because we talk about these things in group, but I’ve found that mentally healthy people don’t seem to talk about loneliness the way bipolar folks do.

I don’t know how old you are, but I would encourage you to see this as an existential issue that you will likely be facing all your life. I say this to offer you hope. It might take two years. It might take ten years. It might take thirty years. It might take fifty years, but eventually I believe you will find the connection you need. Indeed, you might find it and lose it and find it and lose it. I have found life to be that way.

The thing that keeps me going is the the reward when I do make those connections. There is no feeling like it. It is like falling into the opposite of a black hole. Instead of being cut off from everything forever, you become connected to everything always. It’s the ultimate “get.” As in, “I get it.” For me, that’s what life is for. We all choose our own meaning, and yours will be different, but it might be similar enough for my words to resonate with you.

I know a person like you, he calls himself invisible. He is extremely selective whom he invites into his inner circle, more selective too whom he calls a friend. I find it sad because he is the dearest person I know. He is deep caring and warm. But few experience him that way. I do though. I wish he would spread some of his specialness further afield so other people could see what I see. But that is his choice and I cannot change him. So really it is a choice, whether to be mostly invisible or to move out of the shadow.

I feel a good place to start perhaps, just a suggestion is in areas where you feel comfortable, or with interests you really enjoy. There, is a lot of pressure lifted, and the joy of shared ideas is the common goal. Then by default your loneliness falls away.

Some good advice in this thread already. I don’t suppose that I can improve on anything that’s already been said, but I will add something. (@ucme so seldom writes a simple, no-satire, no-bullshit declarative sentence – and never two in a row! – so you should treat his response like the gold that it is.)

If the language you communicate in is not your native language, and if you didn’t grow up speaking and writing it (I’m talking about English just now, but this can apply to any language), then you have to be extra careful in how you use it. For example, I notice that the details of your question are not quite perfectly written. (I’m not criticizing that directly.) In that case, you need to be more careful in expressing your thoughts to people, perhaps even redundantly, to avoid misunderstanding, omitting something important, or saying something that you don’t really mean.

For example, you write But someday I’ll have to leave parents and when married,
so will my close friends. That’s not understandable to me. Do you mean that your close friends will also be married? That they will leave their families? That you will have to leave them? This is what I’m talking about. There are so many things that your writing “could mean”. I don’t know what it is that you do mean. That can tend to isolate a person, because if people can’t understand you clearly – even if not always ‘easily’ – then they often won’t want to work at it and will avoid you.

So can over-correcting, as I already know. I’m stopping now.

“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’”

Everyone is basically alone. You have to live with that. Lonely is a different matter. That’s up to you. Try this: First, stand up straight, hold your head high and smile. Look people in the eye. Speak up. Start with one on one and move to small groups. You have some friends, try it on them. They may wonder what’s wrong with you. but they’ll accept the new you. In life, you’ll have to do this over and over, because nothing is forever. It’s okay to be alone. It isn’t necessary to be lonely, unless you’re the last person on earth, in which case, close the door when you leave.

@CWOTUS Ooh, you smooth talking, silver haired, jaunty sailor types are all the same.

@Nullo Yeah, we all know how well that turned out.

@whiteliondreams Yes. We have a planet half-full of women. Can’t say I’d have it any other way. My faction holds that it was Adam who screwed up there, not Eve. Lots of people say that we’re misogynistic bigots or something.

Thanks everyone for your heartfelt and wise experiences and advice.
@wundayatta I’m 24 years old and honestly and frustratingly this is the first time I’ve ever
felt loneliness so intensely. And I thank you for your advice.
@Shippy Thanks a lot for your short yet practical writing.
Maybe all this happens because I have a too high standard as to connection..
I start being so much lonely unless someone shows through his words or behavior
that they truly care about me from the heart.
And such people are diminishing in number as I grow old. That’s sad.

Depends upon the individual how he sees it. Because everyone has the chance of choosing life partner. Life can be enjoyable but its person who is living it makes it lonely or full of happiness.

Friendships don’t start as these deep, meaningful, heartfelt relationships. When you first meet someone, it can start out feeling shallow- but you have to give people a chance. It takes a long time to trust someone enough to have a more meaningful relationship with them, and that happens gradually.

There are some things you can do to bring better energy into your life, even if it doesn’t alleviate your loneliness overnight. Be friendly and outgoing toward the people you meet; learn about their lives and be interested in them. Spend time doing fulfilling things that interest you, so that even if your relationships aren’t great, you have something satisfied in your life. If you take care of yourself, you’ll be a better participant in relationships when they come along, and you’ll enjoy them more.

I used to be a loner, kind of shy and still today prefer my animals to people, but my mother sent me to classes at age 12 to boost my self confidence (dressing, make-up, presentation, etc…) so perhaps what you need is to feel confident about yourself, which will in turn make you more comfortable in being more aggressive/ friendly. Trust me, you get a nice new suit, get your hair “did” and mani/pedi, you will not be ignored. Smile and the world smiles with you. (BTW- there is someone just like you out there that is waiting to meet & love you, don’t make them wait forever either.)

Thanks @abundantlife, @Haleth, @KNOWITALL
I’m actually doing my best to take these explained steps and starting to enjoy
the very first fruits of my efforts, though seemingly insignificant.