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christina30's avatar

Why would a guy friend be happy to see you and have you ask him questions but never ask you much about yourself?

Asked by christina30 (68points) February 16th, 2013

Is he just self centered or shy ?
I find it really weird and am starting to get annoyed and bored.
Okay I know for a fact that he is attracted to me. We definitely have sexual chemistry between us. For example, he always seems nervous and awkward around me. He also gives me strong eye contact and his voice changes from macho to sweet when talking to me. He flirts with me when we are alone. Can it have something to do with that?
I just find it really weird and hurtful because I see him chatting confidently two way with all my friends all the time. However when he sees me or talks to me, he is happy to go on about himself or answer any of my questions and even behaves like he wants me to for example ask why he was not around for a few days but never asks me anything about myself other than how are you or have a nice day?
Please explain.

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21 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

For the same reason that he likes you to rub his back without reciprocating. He is a lout (and probably a teen-ager, I am guessing.)

christina30's avatar

haha.. he’s actually in his twenties

chyna's avatar

Because he is selfish. Being in his 20’s makes it much worse. He should know better.

Kardamom's avatar

He probably knows you like him or have a crush on him and that kind of makes him uncomfortable. That’s why he’s able to have two way conversations with your other friends, because he doesn’t think they are interested in him in a romantic way.

He probably also likes the attention that he gets from you, because you are interested in him, even though he’s just not that into you. I’m guessing he doesn’t flirt with you in front of other people, only in private, I think that’s what you said, right? That’s probably because he gets a charge out of getting you all riled up and getting flirty too, but he doesn’t want you to do that in public, because he’s just not that into you.

Guys in their 20’s can be very hurtful, because they often don’t realize how their actions effect people, especially young ladies who have romantic interests in them. Been there before.

He sounds like the kind of guy, that if you keep on talking to him and letting him get flirtatious in private, will ultimately be happy to have a brief physical relationship with you, but when you tell him how you feel about him, or that you care about him, or would like to date him openly out in public, he’ll drop you in a hot second.

Move on to someone who’s truly interested in you and walk away from this dude. And try not to buy into the myth that somehow he’s different or misunderstood or just shy. If he was shy, he wouldn’t be able to have those easy conversations with the other friends. If he was truly interested in you, he would have said so, or had one of those other friends of yours report back to you that he was interested. He’s done neither.

christina30's avatar

i am not really interested in him.. I just want us to be friends… I think he has a crush on me…I always catch him checking me out… it is just weird..ok maybe i do flirt back a bit.. it is all a game to me.. but he’s the one acting weird not me

marinelife's avatar

He is interested only in himself. Probably. You could ask him next time, “why don’t you ever ask me anything about my interests or activities?”

Kardamom's avatar

@christina30 If you’re not interested in him romantically, then let him go. It doesn’t sound like he has a crush on you, the way you’ve described his actions, but if somehow he does, and you don’t feel the same way, then you’re just playing him. Don’t do that.

Some people might disagree with me, but it’s almost impossible for males and females to be “just friends” because there is always some type of sexual tension going on (as you have described by the flirtatious game playing) and more often than not, one person will have “feelings” for the other person and the other person won’t.

My question to you is, why on earth would you want to be friends with this guy, if all he does is talk about himself??? And why do you flirt with him if you aren’t interested in him as anything more than a friend???

gailcalled's avatar

He may perceive that it is, indeed “all a game” to you and not want to make any effort. He may consider that your behavior is weird also, from his point of view.

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gailcalled's avatar

Perhaps he can’t help it also…if you really believe that you have so little control over your behavior, why shouldn’t others?

livelaughlove21's avatar

You ask quite a lot of questions about how men act around you at work. And I know from a previous question you asked after you made out with a guy at a work party that you’re married. Why are you so concerned about other men, what they talk to you about, how often they smile at you, etc? If you’re truly not interested in these men, why does any of that matter?

wundayatta's avatar

Just lead him on. Make him want you, then get all bitchy and tell him he is only interested in himself and is never interested in the woman. Demand that he ask questions about you and show an interest in your life.

Then dump him.

That’s how the game is played.

Never, ever be honest in the war between the sexes. Never!~

Kardamom's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I didn’t realize that this was the same person that asked those questions. Good sleuthing! Now it makes me think the OP has an unfortunate tendency to cross the lines when it comes to “relationships” with the opposite sex, and then wonder why things go bad. That makes me sad, because it only takes one person like that to have people get a bad taste in their mouth for all women or all men if the shoe is on the other foot.

Wish people would learn to treat each other with respect and stop playing stupid games

chyna's avatar

@Kardamom But “I can’t help it, I’m a flirt”.
@christina30 Be very careful. If you play, you might end up paying.

jca's avatar

@christina30: If you are the one (and I believe you are) who asked about making out with the guy when you were drunk at the office party, then I am really confused like others are, why you behave in such a way when you’re married.

Now I know that was not the question. As far as the question goes, who has time to deal with someone who is so self centered and one sided that they don’t ask about you? He should just talk to a mirror. Life is too short for this crap.

Kardamom's avatar

This may give everyone a little insight as to why the OP is having continuing difficulty with the fellas.

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zensky's avatar

He’s shy.

The crush on you doesn’t help.

Shippy's avatar

Do you really want a guy that can’t show affection and acts so oddly around you? I know I wouldn’t, I’d move on to more interesting guys if it were me.

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