Is this relationship doomed?
I am asking this on behalf of my brother. My brother recently came out and is in a relationship with his first boyfriend. They’ve been dating about 6 months. His boyfriend has been welcome over to our house (our parents’ house) all the time, he comes to family parties, etc. He fits in very nicely in our family. The problem is, my brother has never met his parents. He has never been welcome over to his house. The boyfriend’s parents have forbidden him to move out with my brother and they take his paycheck to ensure that he stays. And the boyfriend won’t stand up to his parents. I’m just looking for opinions on this relationship because my brother has come to me for advice and I honestly don’t know what to tell him.
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15 Answers
How old are they? That might help us answer better.
Too many variables of course. But on the face of it, it sounds bad.
They are both 22 years old. I know there is a lot more to the story that you guys won’t know, but please tell me your opinions anyway… I’ll try to answer any questions that may come up.
No, it’s not at all doomed. Eventually, his partner might find the courage to flip off his homophobic family.
If his partner is 22 years old, I don’t think what his parents are doing is even legal. They’re, in effect, stealing his money and holding him captive. That guy needs some help and support to get out of that situation. Does your brother live at home? If so, would your parents consider letting the BF stay there for a bit?
” They take his paycheck?!? ”
I don’t even think it is legal to take the paycheck of a minor, though once banked parental permission may be needed for a full withdrawal.
So, why is this person standing for this nonsense?.
Advise the young man to open a bank account and take the check to the bank before going home. He needs support to grow a backbone or he will never be free to have a relationship of any kind. You have an opportunity to help him grow up, which his parents may never allow.
Here’s to FREEDOM!
My parents have offered him chances to move in, they said he could take as long as he wants to pay rent to get back on his feet. He will not leave his parents. He gives his parents the money because they need help with their mortgage. It doesn’t matter that they don’t accept him or his lifestyle… he won’t stand up for himself and I feel that they will never move forward because of this. My fiance is a financial advisor and has tried and tried to help him figure out his financial situation but he doesn’t seem interested.
Sadly, you have answered your question:
He will not leave his parents. He gives his parents the money because they need help with their mortgage. It doesn’t matter that they don’t accept him or his lifestyle… he won’t stand up for himself…
If the boyfriend continues to be psychologically and emotionally paralyzed, I don’t know what anyone can do. This goes beyond financial planning and logic.
On the bright side, first relationships are rarely last relationships.
That is what I am thinking. How do I give my brother advice? My advice would be to run… but I don’t think he’d take it well. I’m not good at wording things…
Let him learn on his own.
He needs to break away from his parents and stand on his own feet – and let them stand on theirs. They can’t ask their adult son to pay their mortgage. If he won’t do this, then he is effectively living his parents’ life instead of his own. Under those circumstances, yeah, it sounds like the relationship is doomed.
If the BF doesn’t want to make changes, nothing will change. That doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed…so long as your brother can accept it the way it is and never expect it to be any different. I can’t imagine why anyone would want that kind of relationship, but that’s for your brother to decide.
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