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zander101's avatar

Personalities who make it their agenda to know everything about you?

Asked by zander101 (630points) September 26th, 2013

Has anyone encountered anyone in their lifetime like that, and if they discover something personal they throw it back in your face?


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28 Answers

trailsillustrated's avatar

Totally! and it bit them in the ass!!

zander101's avatar

@trailsillustrated was it in a social environment or workplace?

trailsillustrated's avatar

It was in a marriage. I saved every thing it it was proven abusive and controlling. In other circumstances, such as work or social, I find it very easy to be evasive. It is very easy to get people onto other things without them knowing at all, steer the conversation in away from it, usually about them. They forget all about you.

Katniss's avatar

My ex husband was like that. He threw everything back at me, didn’t matter if it was something that happened when I was 15. He was on a mission to destroy me.

zander101's avatar

@Katniss how did you deal with it other than getting a divorce, things like that always create an emotional scar.

Katniss's avatar

@zander101 Stupid me, I put up with it for 8 years. I just kept telling myself that it would get better. It wasn’t always bad, we did have some good times and I focused on those.
However, once he started getting violent and my son felt like he had to step in and rescue me, I knew it was time to go.

zander101's avatar

@Katniss I doubt it was a stupid choice to remain with him, especially if it was a marriage, but it was good that you decided to leave him cause if he wasn’t willing to change for you, then he has to deal with life without you.

Judi's avatar

It is a strange phenomenon. The more financially successful my husband and I become the more strange it is to me.
People I barely know seem to know details about my life.
I have never been good at gossip so I have a tough time understanding it. I don’t even know the names of most actors much less the president of the country club.

Coloma's avatar

Yep, dumped a friend of 8 years who was like that several years ago.
She was the most codependent, meddling, gossipy, manipulative woman I have ever known. But very good at hiding behind a saintly self image that masked her true nature.
In truth she was a very sad person who had really low self esteem and needed to make herself indispensable to others for her own desperate need to be needed.

She would start talking about people before they even got to their cars in her driveway, after being so sweet to their faces just minutes before.
She shamelessly meddled in her adult kids lives, talking about them to each other and causing rifts amongst the kids, thrived on gossip, made up stories based on her “feeeeelings” instead of fact, was an attention whore, and highly manipulative, in subtle but unmistakeable ways.
I had seen glimpses of her issues and kept my distance for a long time but it finally got to the point where I had to let her go.
If you educate yourself on the nature and red flags of manipulative people it helps because you have a reference point for their common behaviors.

Don’t waste your time trying to talk to these types, they are incapable of honestly evaluating their behaviors and everything will be taken offensively and they will attempt to shift the blame on you, for daring to call them out on their crap.
Most likely your guy is a raging narcissist, and this is another must educate yourself topic.
I divorced a narcissist some years ago too. Again, do not expect any understanding of your feelings, needs, wants…they are all about themselves and have zero capacity to take any responsibility or self reflect. If you leave them you are the crazy, evil bitch. lol

JLeslie's avatar

This is one of the complaints I here from a lot of women about their husbands. Ex husbands. That they used the past against their wives and made them feel awful and paralyzed with anxiety.

However, once in a while I think someone points out something to help the person, help them be self analytical with good intentions, but the person can’t hear it. It depends on the intention, how often it is done, how receptive the person is to criticism, and the trust between the people.

@Judi You relate it to money? That is very interesting. They use the information against you? Or, they just know a lot about you? They know money things about you? Or, everything? I do find people with money tend to talk about money more. How do they all find out the info? Or, are you telling somone an they all talk talk talk when you expected they would keep it private?

Judi's avatar

When we first moved into an exclusive neighborhood everything changed.
People would tell me what they heard about me, and I realized I was the subject of local celebrity gossip.
It’s kind of creepy.
I also recently was the victim of all sorts of slander and realized a “friend” was using information about me on Facebook to twist information about me in this slander. It also effected my business and my family relationships and that really pissed me off.
I love posting pictures of projects I’m doing on Facebook but I’ve backed off knowing that people are gossiping about me.

JLeslie's avatar

@Judi That is bazaar and awful.

marinelife's avatar

Once I realizes a person had those tendencies, I would no longer interact with them.

zander101's avatar

@marinelife I tried that by completely ignoring them and it cost me my job.

Coloma's avatar

@zander101 But…it saved your sanity. Your mental well being is priceless.

Coloma's avatar

A good rule of thumb, if someone is driving you to the brink of wanting to become verbally abusive and just let them have it, time to go.

zander101's avatar

@Coloma very comforting, it’s appreciated.

In one of the earlier posts on this webpage, I was discussing something similar to that concerning collective consciousness, that I really do feel that people do not know how to think for themselves, they only direct their thinking on what others are focused on and unfortunately sometimes that directs it to people like @Judi and @JLeslie who with the purest intent are looking to better themselves through business.

For @trailsillustrated @Katniss I feel those personalities are the result of negative environments and unfortunately negativity has been conditioned into their mental being thus it is it’s own way of manifesting itself through a practical way i.e. gossiping and criticism to deal with their own inner turmoil, messed up I know but I understand it, it’s unfortunate that good people get mixed up in that turmoil, but it takes strong minds to overcome it.

There’s a statement I heard that relates to this expressing that fire/light shouldn’t play in the darkness, if it does the dark will extinguish that fire…..........

KNOWITALL's avatar

Nope, I’m pretty private and don’t trust easily and if someone used anything personal against me they’d soon regret it, I’m sneaky and really good that way.

JLeslie's avatar

@zander101 I don’t know what you mean when you referred to @Judi and me. Can you explain further?

zander101's avatar

@JLeslie I was expressing that you and @Judi‘s financial standings were made difficult by those who wanted it and it’s unfortunate they couldn’t let you both live without adding their opinions and snooping around matters that wasn’t their concern.

JLeslie's avatar

@zander101 I don’t feel that way. I can’t speak for @Judi. I don’t feel like I have been snooped. If you mean my comment that people with money tend to talk about money more, mostly I have no problem with it, I think it usually (not always) is a good thing. Discussing investments, savings strategies, what we pay for things, that all is usually positive to me. It’s part of the reason people with money have money. At the same time, I don’t think it is good or polite to discuss total wealth or specifics about income necessarily. It depends. If employees don’t discuss their salaries, it’s easier for employers to underpay some people. There is an advantage in knowledge.

zander101's avatar

@JLeslie I understand, I apologize.

JLeslie's avatar

@zander101 No apology necessary. We were just clarifying. Communication online is always tricky.

fightfightfight's avatar

No, I’ve never experienced that type of personality before. Huh. I guess I’m lucky!

Paradox25's avatar

Yes, but I have developed an effective counter though. I call it my ‘ghost’ mode, where I do everything I can to avoid those types of people. Hey, they complain anyways, because now I’m considered to be standoffish and a jerk. I guess I’ll go with being a jerk over a fool who’ve said more than they should of, and who’s now paying the price for my honesty.

KaY_Jelly's avatar

My dead husband’s mother was is like this. I’ve discovered that even though we’ve laughed and she has been there for me she has scarred me more in those other times when she was showing me her true colors. I am an interior decorator and I love and live in color I am also a very colorful person but it’s her true colors that I have learned I love to be extremely ignorant towards and they do not even register on my color wheel anymore.

keobooks's avatar

I’m totally willing to tell anyone just about anything from my life. But nobody cares enough to pry.

NormaPadro's avatar

I have never had anything to hide about anything. I just noticed when you are very relaxed in your own world someone always has something to say about you for no reason. One day I was at school waiting for time to go into class. This man told this lady in front of me that I didn’t like black people.
I looked at her and told her please do not believe this man. I had to tell her that I’m a serious person and would never say anything like that. I turned to him and in front of the lady I told him you sir are a very dangerous person. I walked away.
While waiting by a table she placed a dirty cup on one of my art works staining it with coffee and looked at me with an angry face and I in turn told her don’t worry I can bring some more from home. They were just prints. I knew that she was stealing money from the school and I never told anyone about it. I was holding that one just in case she felt the need to keep harassing me. Later on she got kicked out of school, because she wasn’t doing anything in class. No school work meant they were going to be expelled. I graduated with my certificate. I took my school work seriously.
The truth is that problems will find you anywhere you are.

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