General Question

28lorelei's avatar

How concerned should I be for my safety?

Asked by 28lorelei (2529points) December 26th, 2013

So one of my facebook friends (I have never met them in real life, but met them through a music making site) is having a bit of a breakdown. He’s had a few brushes with the law and I’d say they’re going a bit nuts. He’s convinced he’s going to jail or die, even though he got off with a fine in court. Lately he seems to have been blowing up at everyone he knows, and initiating fights, as well as getting involved in petty thievery. It’s been a few weeks I’ve spoken to him (for various reasons) but the reason I annoy him is by supposedly ignoring him and not listening to his tracks.
Anyway, earlier today he warned me that if I got on his bad side, consequences could follow. He knows what city I live in but doesn’t know the suburb I live in or my address. How worried should I be and what steps do you think I should take? I’m thinking I should report this somehow but what would be the smartest route to take?

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34 Answers

jca's avatar

What kind of consequences did he specify?

johnpowell's avatar

He is nuts. Block him and he will find someone else to creep out.

28lorelei's avatar

@johnpowell I should. I felt sorry for him earlier and tried to help him, but clearly that has done nothing.

@jca, he wasn’t very specific but here are a few things he said (I apologise in advance for the language):
“If I ever got mad at you I’d f*** you up”
“If I punched you once you’d go down”
“You’re lucky someone like me hasn’t robbed someone like you- Well you- Particularly- Because you have money and you’re weak” (It’s not like I’m rich or anything)

I dunno… is there some way he could find my address posted on the internet or anything? It’s not like I have it anywhere… and he lives over a hundred miles from where I live… I feel somewhat freaked out nonetheless.

Darth_Algar's avatar


Honestly, from the language in your above post he sounds like a blowhard.

zenvelo's avatar

1. Defriend him now.
2. Report him to FB.
3. Google, Bing, Spokeo search for yourself to see if your address and phone number are easily found. If they are, consider talking to a policeman about best ways to protect yourself.

28lorelei's avatar

@Darth_Algar I can say for sure that he is. I dislike badmouthing people, but he definitely has an overinflated ego.

CWOTUS's avatar

You should be most concerned about yourself for finding and encouraging such people to attach themselves to you in the first place.

geeky_mama's avatar

I agree strongly with @zenvelo

Why haven’t you de-friended him sooner?

28lorelei's avatar

Well since he talked about suicide and problems with coping with life, I thought I could help… clearly I was wrong.

jca's avatar

Why would you remain friendly with someone who talks to you this way?

Also check zabasearch for your address.

Does he know where you work?

Darth_Algar's avatar

@28lorelei I agree with @jca. For myself, personally speaking, once someone makes or implies a threat towards me, idle or not, they become persona non grata as far as I’m concerned.

hearkat's avatar

Save and document everything. Take screenshots in before you defriend/block/or delete.

As others have suggested, you may have made references to where you work, the kind of car you drive – perhaps even posted pictures. Also, go through your feed and change the audience and remove location tags from anything that could help any nutcase find you. Once he realizes you’ve blocked him, another account could be created easily enough.

I really hate that today’s technology makes it so easy, and the programs make people opt-OUT of potential privacy settings, rather than opt-in.

Katniss's avatar

Unfortunately it’s far to easy for people to find out where you live. Thank you Spokeo.
I would follow the advice of everybody else and block him.
I would also contact the police. Have the evidence with you when you go. I’ve always heard its best to have a paper trail.
It’s possible that he’s talking out his ass, but better safe than sorry.
He sounds downright scary.

johnpowell's avatar

Just a note to the ladies….... You can’t fix guys.

Don’t try. You will only get hurt.

Coloma's avatar

Nothing to add to all the good advice here except yes, would you try to “help” a Grizzly bear with a thorn in it’s paw? The guy is clearly unstable, learn your lesson and don’t try to rescue unstable animals in the future.

ibstubro's avatar

@zenvelo gave, the best, most concise advice in my opinion. The other, Facebook advice might be spot-on, but I’m not a user.

I have additional information that I will PM. This isn’t to be taken too lightly, IMO.

28lorelei's avatar

Fair enough. I have now blocked him on all of my networks, incl. facebook and soundcloud. Thank you for informing about Spokeo- I have deleted all my info from there and am no longer visible on there.
Thank you for all your help and opinions- he should no longer be able to contact me.

28lorelei's avatar

And @ibstubro, please do PM me- I appreciate that.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

You’re right to be concerned. I had someone I know that kept getting phone calls from someone and they asked me if I could find out any info on the caller. Within 10 minutes of searching I had the address, a picture of the house, the floor plan, and if I wanted to subscribe to their service, they would give me all of the families information. It’s kind of scary what’s out there.

28lorelei's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe is this Spokeo you speak of?
@ibstubro thank you for the message.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@28lorelei No it wasn’t. I just went to google and typed in the phone number and all sorts of sites came up. I picked one at random and all the info was there for the asking. These people turned out to be scammers, so maybe more info was there then normal.

28lorelei's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Good to know. I haven’t given them my number, thankfully- although I had them on a couple of my social networks, and have disabled them from all of them. They don’t know my address either, and I purposefully have neither my phone number nor my address on any social networks.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@28lorelei Good. You might want to make a call to your police department to ask if there’s anything else you should do and at least alert them to a possible problem. They might respond quicker if you have to call them and they’ll have an idea of what the problem might be.

28lorelei's avatar

I will, once I get back in town… Apparently he has had reports filed against him before (for different causes though)

28lorelei's avatar

Thank you all for your great answers and prompt responses!

pleiades's avatar

1000% agree with @zenvelo

poofandmook's avatar

I just looked myself up on Spokeo and I am more than a little freaked out.

hearkat's avatar

To opt-out of Spekeo and have your information removed, use this form.

ibstubro's avatar

I just looked myself up on Spokeo and got a laugh at the crap they had posted.

Coloma's avatar

I looked myself up also, hmmm…pinpointed my old house of the last 7 years on the map, but not my new house of the last 9 months, and….called me a “mid-50’s” female. Pffft. I am not 55 yet!
Piss on them! Come find me! lol

28lorelei's avatar

Yeah, I’m really glad that you mentioned Spokeo zenvelo. If it weren’t for you and the others who answered me, I’d probably still have my data up there… which scares me…

Response moderated (Spam)
rd21's avatar

Ignore him now on facebook and in all the places. do not think about him. if something happens tell the police that is your last resort, but before tell your parents.

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