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trinitymat's avatar

What effects can physical abuse have on female teens?

Asked by trinitymat (94points) January 19th, 2014

I’d like to start by saying thank you for reading as it will be a bit long. I am 20 years old, and recently I began thinking of abuses I experienced in the past. None bothered me in the immediate aftermath and I dont know why. Now at 20 I am crying remembering these brutal acts. I will give you an example. When I was in 4th grade, I began using the internet religiously. I would chat online with friends, and in communities and play games. I was bullied online by a classmate and my parents printed my conversation out, my father beat me up with his intense force. Punching my small face, throwing my tiny body from floor to the next, my arms bruising…

Here is one more thing I remember very well. When I was in 5th grade I cut my eyebrows, thinking they would get a little bit thinner. I had huge eyebrows and even in the middle yet my mother was very strict with them and kept telling me she loves them. She used to tell me how when she was in college a friend made her eyebrows very thin and now they dont grow. Anyway, I kept hiding from my family for a week because I was very scared. I was made fun at school, but I dealt with it silently. I needed a mother whom would laugh at me when I showed it to her and paint them with an eyebrow pencil… One day my mother overheard my dad yelling at me when he saw my eyebrows. She rushed in my room, climbed on top of me and started screaming, beating me up and cursing at me. She never painted my eyebrows after that either. I had to be bullied for two years.

Here is another event. One day my brother called me to his room when I was 11 and told me that he wishes I was never born. He threw something at me from a distance. Why you might ask, well because he recorded ALL of my msn messenger conversations in a year and found out I was talking very sexually to some people. I remember it. I would say the things I would be embarrased anyone reading. But they werent sexy or anything, they were just odd. Tennis rachet jokes and sex sounds all typed I should say… I also was writing them from an anonymous address so the person who read didnt know my true identity. Well my brother got out of my life that day, and every single day for the next three years at 11:11, I wished for my brother to forgive me. My brother and I were extremely close before that. And I remember my immediate reaction to it was to go back to my room and start reading a book. I didnt cry at all, nothing. I was silent.

A year or two after this, my brother beat me but very badly and abruptly. I couldnt defend myself or run away. He is very strong, too. The reason makes me very angry right now, so bare with me… We had a house maid that slept over. She was with us for 6 years, most of my late kid-early teen period. I suspected she slept with my father one day (long story) and on top of that she came to my room doing something very disrespectful. I jokingly touched her stomach as if I am punching her and she started to scream and cry. I promise you, I only touched it. Then my brother beat me up and didnt even listen to me when I kept saying she is faking it.

The reason I am telling you all this, is I want to know if these can have negative impacts on someones life. I want to know if the habits that I dont like about myself come from these. Could you tell me possible effects?

(I am typing in a keyboard I am not used to and I didnt pay too much attention to my grammar. I apologize.)

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6 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

Yes, there can be long term impact from such abuse. And, the possibility of Post Traumatic Stress can manifest itself in many different ways. It can also affect your long term physical health.

So what do you do now? Find a professional counselor/therapist that will work with you. If you can’t find one, call an abuse hotline or a women’s shelter, and ask for a referral. They’ll help you find someone you can afford.

janbb's avatar

yes. Those are awful stories; no one should have to deal with their effects without support. Find help as @zenvelo suggests.

Buttonstc's avatar

Yes, the things you’ve experienced can have a profound long term effect upon your life leaving you unable to trust or be vulnerable to others in any way. And you’ve already experienced feeling cut off from your emotions as you described your lack of response.

You really need the help of a professional person trained to deal with these issues and someone whom you can trust.

If funds are a problem, zenvelo has given a few suggestions. If you are still in school, talk to the guidance counselor or school nurse.

Its a shame that your family of origin has been abusive to you but once you move away you can be in a position to form a new “family of intention” by the friendships you make with people who can be supportive for you.

But you do need professional help as well so that you don’t get into old habit patterns of seeking out those who might abuse you either physically or emotionally. You need help to break out of the dysfunction with which you were raised. Don’t hesitate to seek out this help. You deserve it. Be good to yourself.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Either get help or bury it in your mind. You survived but you can’t let it affect your whole life, or hit your kids.

sujenk7422's avatar

No matter what you did as a kid acting out should not be punished in the methods that you’ve described. All kids go through experimentation stages and stages kids yearn for more independence, this is called early adult development. Let these past abusive experiences go, you’ve learned from them what not to be like. That type of emotional dysfunction – physically abusiveness – is inner driven, but the people they hurt feel it’s their fault for the abuse. That’s the key. Know that it wasn’t your fault that your family was abusive and if another kid was born instead of you they would probably mistreat him/her just like they did you. Let this roll off your back, strive to do better, and learn some relaxation techniques that can calm you down when anger comes on you. Overcome the demon that has robbed your family! It’s all up to you!

nebule's avatar

There are many effects of abuse. You do need some form of therapy, where you feel safe enough to explore those feelings. Having been in many abusive situations and having had years of counselling, I can tell you that it was and is an ongoing process for me. It takes time to heal and you need a lot of self-nurturing as well. I wish you all the best for your future. Above all, remember that you are a unique and worthy being x Love x

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