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jca's avatar

If you were friends with a couple, and you knew the girl was going to sabotage the birth control so she would get pregnant, would you tell the boyfriend?

Asked by jca (35976points) February 3rd, 2014

This issue was buried in the other question I didn’t really follow the answers, but I think it’s an interesting issue that may be overlooked as it’s buried in the question about “can she get pregnant this way?”

If you were friends with a couple and were aware that the girl was going to poke a hole in the condom in order to get pregnant, would you tell the guy?

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32 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

Yes I would. I know someone very close to me who was set up like this by his GF and remember the pain and confusion that pregnancy caused them. It may seem like a good idea to her but she is being 100% selfish in setting him up the way she is planning to.

keobooks's avatar

That would be tough. She could end up hating you and claiming that you made it all up. And how would you prove she actually said it? And how would you look to the guy if he thought you made up a psycho story like that? I think it’s the right thing to do, but I’d be prepared to not speak to either one of them ever again.

marinelife's avatar

Yes, I would. That is dirty pool.

gorillapaws's avatar

I would say you’d be morally obligated to act and tell the boyfriend. If you can stop one person from doing serious wrong to another, you are morally required to do so.

filmfann's avatar

Wow. I might consider warning the guy, but do it anonymously. You do not want to be in the middle of this.

Coloma's avatar

Yes, I would tell.
I agree with @gorillapaws 100%.
I have known several woman that have trapped men into shot gun weddings over the years with “unplanned” pregnancies. All miserable unions.
I am divorced too but…I was married for 6 years before I had my daughter and NEVER, EVER would have EVER trapped a guy into a relationship over an accidental pregnancy.

I think woman that do this are foolish and despicable.
Deception of any kind destroys lives.

glacial's avatar

Of course.

AshLeigh's avatar

I absolutely would. They deserve to know.

cookieman's avatar

In a heartbeat.

That’s just awfull.

GloPro's avatar

Holy moly. Yes. A thousand times yes. Would you want a woman that dishonest and devious to tie anyone down? That’s so wrong I have no words. Children should be born of love and should be celebrated. Manipulation is dirty, and will always feel that way. The irony is that I just read the responses to the “did your parents ever make you feel unwanted” question. The answers were emotionally painful. Why do that to someone?

kritiper's avatar

Oh heck yes! Us bros gotta stick together!

Blackberry's avatar

Yes, or else the guy’s life is over and he’s demonized if he doesn’t want it.

anniereborn's avatar

Yes, I would. If for nothing else….the sake of the child that might be born into THAT.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Yes. Women like that freak me out, it’s so selfish. My SIL did that & my BIL has paid in many ways, poor guy.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@anniereborn You nailed it. I was thinking of the couple, but there’s one more VIP here. I couldn’t think of a lousier way to start a family.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I would absolutely tell the guy. He needs to know what he’s getting into – or getting out of.

I wonder if there are statistics on how many “surprises” were actually planned. Did they get married? Did it end in divorce? This would make an excellent grad school paper.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@KNOWITALL Selfish and very, very stupid.

Juels's avatar

Yes. Tell him.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr What the?! I’ve never heard of that. I’d think it’s much higher in the other direction, i.e., the woman wants to get pregnant but the man does not.
There sure are sickos out there.

Based upon these articles I think the best idea is to enjoy sex with a partner without ovaries or a prostate. Ask to see the laparo incisions first.

Seek's avatar

Well, it might be, but there’s really no way to get numbers on which girls got pregnant on purpose. I mean, birth control fails. Unless she admitted to the sabotage, it would just be chalked up to “Holycrap, she’s fertile.”

But I think we’ve all got one story of an acquaintance getting pregnant “accidentally on purpose”.

Juels's avatar

@jca You may also warn this guy to take any used condoms (or anything with ejaculation on it) with him. Do not leave them behind. I know it is gross but the sample could still be used.

Assuming he is stupid enough to stay with this girl.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Juels…Turkey baster anyone??

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Juels Gross,
@Dutchess_III And gross
But I guess it’s one way to conceive.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, if she’s stashing used condoms for the sperm, how else she gonna do it?

keobooks's avatar

I think if you tell a guy his girlfriends trying to get pregnant on purpose—any advice about what to do with condoms will be unneeded. If I were a guy in that situation, I wouldn’t sleep with that woman EVER AGAIN.

Juels's avatar

@keobooks I totally agree. I wouldn’t go within 5 miles of her.

@Adirondackwannabe Sorry, wasn’t trying to be gross. However, it is a valid warning.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Juels It’s okay. I’m laughing at the image in my head. Woman: “Honey, do you mind if I keep this as a memento?” Soon to be father: “Wow, I must be a stud.” In more ways than one. :)

keobooks's avatar

I had a guy friend who came from a wealthy family (pertinent because I don’t think a poor or middle class guy could really pull this stunt) who had a girlfriend who claimed to be pregnant shortly after they broke up. I think her plan was to fake it and then make it real after he promised to marry her or whatever.

He said “OK, from now on, you’ll talk to my lawyer instead of me. He’ll draw up a monthly plan for child support and some money into a small trust fund for when the child is 21. I will agree to have no contact with the child or you until the child is 18 or older.”

Suddenly, the woman wasn’t “pregnant” anymore. She didn’t have an abortion, she just didn’t mention the pregnancy ever again.

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