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janjan1122's avatar

How do I tell my parents that I cut my hair without them freaking out?

Asked by janjan1122 (7points) August 24th, 2014

I wanted bangs so I decide that I should cut them myself, without telling my parents. So I cut them and they look good but my parents are strict ( sort of) and I don’t want them to get mad at me. What should I do?

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12 Answers

jca's avatar

How old are you? They’re strict but they wouldn’t like you having bangs? Do they control your bangs? More information is needed.

lillycoyote's avatar

Well, there’s not much you can do. The next time they see you they will definitely notice the bangs. And it can’t be undone, not for quite a while. You need good defense.

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

Well, look at you! You’re growing up now. You’ve got your own Fluther account AND you cut your own hair. Who knows what else you’ve been doing (or are doing) that your parents don’t know about. (It’s a rhetorical question: I’m not asking, and I don’t expect a response.)

As a parent myself, and probably old enough to be one of your grandparents, I understand your parents’ need to be involved in your life and aware of what is happening to you – and full props to them for that! If you haven’t already realized how valuable that is to you, I hope that you will soon, for your sake as well as your folks’ – but all parents need to know when to relax a bit and what to relax about. One hopes that this is the kind of thing that most parents can learn to relax about. After all, your hair will grow back, and they should know that the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut is “two weeks”. It ain’ no thang.

So maybe there will be no problem with them, and you’re worrying over nothing. (As is the case with most worry, in fact.)

But maybe this change in your appearance will upset one or both of them, for reasons we don’t yet know. You could get defiant, for example, and say, “It’s my hair and I can do what I want with it!” And that’s certainly true. But your parents, with their added years of experience in the world (and trust me on this, you have no idea how valuable that is to them and to you), also know of kids who have gone down that road to the logical conclusion that “It’s my body and I can do what I want with it!” Meaning: I can turn tricks for money; I can fill it with dope; I can smoke and drink; I can run with who I choose. That scares the hell out of your parents, and they need assurance that you understand the difference and won’t cross certain lines. Until they know that you won’t, there’s a lot of hand-holding and scolding in your life.

When you demonstrate to your parents (not just “pretend” or put on a false face) that you understand very well the difference between relatively minor changes in hairstyle, nail decoration, costume jewelry and the like, and significant changes (which can be permanent and destructive, if not lethal) such as smoking, drinking, taking drugs and having promiscuous sex and you can manage the small changes on your own while listening to them and taking their advice on the big ones, then they may start to relax in some of their strictness on these small things. That’s maturity: You demonstrate that you have it, and they’ll concede more of it to you. It’s a beautiful thing when it works! It’s totally up to you to see that it does work.

Sometimes, too, you have to realize that your parents are human, just like you and your friends are – believe it or not! Sometimes they’re irrational: Perhaps your mom knew someone who acted “just like you do” sometimes, and turned out badly, or she knows that before she married him, your dad was attracted to some floozy who cut her hair exactly that way. Naturally, she doesn’t want you to be that floozy or to turn out badly in other ways, so she tries to force you to act in certain ways that she approves. Realize that your parents may be occasionally irrational and learn to accept it. It’s not as if you’ve never been irrational and still loved and accepted, right? That’s part of maturity, too.

Now go and grow up, and enjoy the process.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Too late.

But no big deal. If they start hassling you, all you need to say is— “OK, I promise you that my hair will grow back”.

End of argument.

[Side note: if your parents are going to hassle you because of the length of your bangs, then you’re not going to have a lot of fun as a teen ager!]

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gailcalled's avatar

(Don’t forget tats and body piercing and modification).

@janjan1122: Define what you mean by “strict (sort of).”

When I was in second grade, i lifted the lid of my little desk at school and cut my own bangs blind with a pair of dull arts-and-crafts scissors. I did not have to tell my mother. When I arrived home, she did notice the small bald spot above my forehead.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

I repeat @jca‘s question – How old are you? If you’re a grown adult, you don’t need your parents’ approval or permission to get a haircut. You’re free to shave one side of your head and dye the other side purple, if you so choose.

It’s very difficult to establish boundaries with controlling, domineering parents. The patterns begin at birth and are very ingrained by adulthood. Even if you know, intellectually and rationally, that you’re an adult with free will, excessive parental authority is intimidating.

But, again, we don’t know your age. If you’re still a teenager, I hope that every choice you make isn’t filled with this much fear and trepidation. You’re making the journey from childhood to independence, and you need some freedom. We’re talking about a haircut, not about snorting heroin, sexual promiscuity, or robbing banks.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, as a parent I kind of freaked out when my 4 year old, who was supposed to be taking a nap, used that time to cut her own hair. Of course, it was hideous! But I didn’t freak out too much or too long because, hey. It would grow back. It was just a temporary shock. Yeah, that was 30 years ago, and sure enough, it grew back.

Maybe they won’t freak out at all.

Kardamom's avatar

Take a deep breath and try saying this, “Mom, Dad, I probably should have told you this beforehand, but I was afraid that you’d try to talk me out of it. I wanted to have my hair cut into bangs, so I did it myself and I’m quite pleased with the result. I hope you’re not too mad at me.”

Like some of the other’s have said, with you bangs, it’s probably not too big of a problem and your folks will get over it (although they’ll likely bring it up over and over again, when you are facing another potential change).

With other things, including radical hairstyles (we all know what I mean) or dyeing your hair or getting piercings or tattoos, you really should ask/tell your parents ahead of time (if you are under 18, you would legally need their consent for piercings and tattoos) so they feel like you trust them and they can trust you not to make bad choices.

In some parts of the country, world, or community, where you live, something as simple as dyeing your hair pink could put you in the path of a bully, keep you out of a club or school that you want to attend, or just make people think less of you. I’m not saying this is right, but that’s reality. You also probably don’t want to do “fashion” stuff that will make you stand out like a sore thumb or make you “appear” to be foolish or trashy. Your parents don’t want you to appear to be foolish or trashy, even if you are neither of those things. People who appear foolish or trashy tend to get treated poorly at worst, or at best, they just tend to draw too much attention, some of it unwanted, to themselves. Again, this is just the reality of the world we live in. That’s why your parents would have fears for you.

With just cutting your bangs, I think everything’s going to be fine and no one, even your parents, will think you are foolish or trashy.

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linguaphile's avatar

I shaved half of my head and didn’t tell my mother. She saw it herself, and yes, freaked out. Now she laughs about it 28 years later.

If you’ve cut your hair, you’re not going to be able to hide it. If you’re under 18, and it is that big of a deal to your family, I would just brave it and face the music. If there’s a major reason, such as religion, that you’re not supposed to cut your hair, remember that hair does grow. It’s not like you got a tattoo on your forehead.

If you’re over 18… maybe consider talking to someone about how to develop autonomy?

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