Social Question

JLeslie's avatar

What things are not ok to admit?

Asked by JLeslie (59827points) December 12th, 2014 from iPhone

On another Q we got off on a tangent about pretending to drink alcohol, because in social situations it’s expected. So, it seems it isn’t ok not to drink in some circles. I don’t drink. I lied about it when I was a young teen, but since college I am totally fine saying I don’t drink and don’t feel the peer pressure I used to. Mostly, other people actually don’t care. I find the alcoholics do, but they are alcoholics.

I do often refrain from saying I am an atheist. Too many people judge it negatively, it isn’t worth exclaiming it. I don’t lie; well, I sort of do by omission; I just say I am Jewish if religion comes up.

What else do people hide that in actuality quite a sizable part of society agree with?

Being gay was one of these type of things, but it is changing.

What do you withhold about yourself for fear of peer pressure or judgment? When you do reveal it about yourself are you ever pleasantly surprised by the reactions you get?

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21 Answers

anniereborn's avatar

While it seems more acceptable now to talk about having Depression or Anxiety, more “serious” disorders aren’t as much. I don’t tend to offer up that I have Bipolar Disorder until I am quite close to someone.

longgone's avatar

It’s not okay to admit if you don’t care for the other person’s story. Humans do such a lot of inane chattering, and I often get bored by that. Detailed accounts of other people’s arguments, break-ups, shopping… it costs energy for me to listen well, and I feel like I’m being dishonest when I pretend to care. I do it, because we all need to be listened to – but I wish I could say something when I feel too drained to be polite.

canidmajor's avatar

I don’t discuss politics or disagree openly with a number of people even though I really abhor their views, because very often those are battles It would be pointless to fight.

And, @JLeslie, for what it’s worth, “lying by omission” is not having an unexpressed thought on a subject, it specifically means that you leave out a very salient and important part of a narrative that will change entirely someone’s understanding of it. Simply not discussing your beliefs/actions/feelings doesn’t apply. You are not compromising your integrity by not telling all in the case you described. This is a concept that is often misunderstood, and can cause discomfort when one thinks they may be “lying by omission” when in fact they are not..

talljasperman's avatar

A crush on an animated character. Or which ones you want to bang.

Coloma's avatar

@talljasperman are you a Broney? lol

Things people won’t/don’t admit to:

Nose picking

Liking Jack in the Box Tacos

Finding someone elses SO sexually attractive

Not liking someone elses SO

Not liking someone elses children

Hating a gift someone gives you

Hating someones dog that they are obsessively in love with Keep your annoying children/dog away from me or I might have to slap it when you’re not looking. haha

talljasperman's avatar

@Coloma Whats a Broney? Edit Sure why not Re-Edit no sorry but interesting… I’m more into mini-skirts.

Coloma's avatar

@talljasperman A following of men that have a thing for My Little Pony toys and cartoons. They dress up as MLP’s and watch MLP porn. haha Gross!

talljasperman's avatar

@Coloma Oh then no… I’m into Felisha Harding and Lita Kano.

Coloma's avatar

Whew..I’m relieved.
Men and ponies is just wrong. lol

JLeslie's avatar

@longgone I found your post interesting and unexpected. I feel like most people don’t want to listen to us complain about our lives much. We are only allowed to talk about the same trauma once, maybe twice, and then people want us to get over it. It’s not uncommon for people to say, “stop complaining and do something about it.” I think you’re not alone.

@anniereborn I think you’re right. Mental health issues in general are still rather taboo. I think anxiety is more acceptable conversation among girlfriends than years past, but still I understand why people don’t want to admit to suffering from it. Depression is being talked about more by some very famous people so I think awareness is finally being raised about it.

@canidmajor I think it’s basically a lie, but I don’t feel badly about it. The only time I bother to omit it is when around people who are very religious and big time theists, for them religion and God is synonymous. They do care, they don’t vote for atheists, they think all children should be raised with “something.” My omission is very purposeful. They assume Jews believe in God; I know they assume it; I am in a sense deceiving them. The Evangelicals are a little obsessed with Jews and Israel, and haven’t figured out a huge number of us are atheists.

hominid's avatar

It’s not very fun to express my contempt for capitalism, indifference to sports, lack of pop culture (tv, movies, and music) knowledge, and impatience with social conventions in most environments. It’s not so much that I hide these things. Rather, to express my opinions on almost anything is bound to widen the gap between people I don’t know very well. I have a challenge in most social situations because I just can’t do most small talk. So, I just don’t offer my opinions on most things unless the situation calls for it.

ucme's avatar

I couldn’t give a shit about what’s meant to be socially acceptable or otherwise.
An open book I am, said Yoda…never.

LornaLove's avatar

Oh gosh, I used to not care really and I used to be very outspoken. I have so many things that are wrong with me! I have PTSD, BPD and BPD. I am also bisexual and also a recovering alcoholic. Now days I don’t tell anyone anything. I just don’t have the energy to stand up for whatever they think is so terrible about those things. I was very annoyed when my boy friend told his parents before I had even met them or they knew anything about me, that I was bipolar. Gosh, no wonder they avoid me?

jca's avatar

I think jealousy is something that is considered shameful and unacceptable. You don’t often hear people admit openly “I wish I had a car just like him” or “I’m jealous of my ex girlfriend’s new boyfriend” or “I wish I got that job instead of her.”

orbutsbi's avatar

Embarrassment. I’m not comfortable with people speaking about sex and sexuality, but I have to be ‘grown up’ and broadminded, so I just cringe inwardly and hope it passes quickly.

Boredom. Like when you rhetorically ask someone “How are you?” and 30 minutes later you still a week’s worth of misery to go to get current. I’m a stoic.

Stupidity. You know, when someone says something so incredibly stupid that you’re momentarily speechless. It’s not acceptable to look at them and say, “THINK about what you just said for a minute!”

kritiper's avatar

Some things are better left unsaid but only if no harm of any kind is being done whilst doing so. Otherwise, fess up!

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

It can be difficult for people to admit they’re not coping and this is especially true for men.

Speaking up about injustice can be difficult in some cases. For instance, if you feel you or even someone else is the victim of bullying or discrimination in the workplace it can be hard to speak up because of fear of ending up on the receiving end of the same or more mistreatment. For women, who may feel they’re being discriminated against, speaking up may land them with accusations of being a drama queen or trying to cause trouble.

For me personally, I know historically I haven’t spoken up when I’ve been on the receiving end of discrimination on occasions but now I’m very outspoken about such things. However, like you @JLeslie, I don’t tell people I’m an atheist. Unless I’m sure the person I’m talking to is not religious, I generally wouldn’t say anything.

longgone's avatar

@JLeslie I agree that being annoyed by others is common, but unlike you, I’m not sure I can recall anyone telling someone else to just shut up. On the internet, maybe – but aquaintances, friends and even strangers tend to just nod along. I’m sure I’m annoying at times, but I have yet to hear any complaints. I think life would be easier if we were more honest and took better care of our own boundaries.

JLeslie's avatar

@longgone I don’t get tired so fast listening to someone who has really been through a rough time, but I think a lot of people do. I guess it depends on how trivial the listener thinks the problem is and whether they can empathize.

Like someone going through a bad divorce, or a death of someone close to them, it often takes years for them to get through the whole process. If a friend needs to talk about it again and again I am there to listen. I want to be there for them.

Even things like people wanting to make a major career change. That usually takes years to do from thought process to action. People are often unrealistic about the time it takes to process these things.

I have said before part of seeing a therapist is paying someone to listen to us when friends and family don’t want to hear it anymore.

Rarely someone says stop talking about it directly, but we get the hint. Sometimes close family members will say something like, “maybe you need a therapist,” or, “do something about it already,” or, “I think you shouldn’t still be this upset.”

Coloma's avatar

@JLeslie I agree 100%. I can’t stand people that go on and on about petty problems like “OMG..my yard is a mess from that storm, pine needles everywhere and all the neighbors leaves blew into my yard and there are these little birds scratching up all my flowerbeds and dirtying the walkways.” Seriously..THIS is your biggest problem, little birds looking for bugs in your flower bed and making a mess? lol

longgone's avatar

@JLeslie I wish I didn’t get tired of chatter as fast as I do. Very inconvenient in the species I belong to. You’re lucky.

I agree that listening is easier when the speaker’s problems are ones I can empathize with.

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