Photoshop type software question (details inside)

Can anyone tell me where I can find a freeware version of whatever software program is used in countless television shows and movies that will take a grainy, underexposed photo and make it sharp enough to, say, count the nasal hairs of the subject? I have a download of a photo of a old newspaper clipping that I cannot read the associated paragraph and the picture looks like several Mr. Potatoheads with various accoutrement attached standing together in a chorus line.

Nothing I have found comes even close.