General Question

longgone's avatar

Parents, teachers, caretakers: How do you stop yourself from lashing out?

Asked by longgone (17914points) December 11th, 2015

I’m sure you’ve all wanted to shake a kid, at times. How do you stop yourself?

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11 Answers

canidmajor's avatar

You just don’t. Really. Young crying babies, pissy toddlers, chewing puppies, all can cause outstanding levels of frustration, and a desire to shake, slap smack, whatever. But you just don’t. Impulse control is a wonderful thing. Really. I have been surprised in my life by the fact that I have not succumbed, but we come with a stronger sense of balance and control than we think we are capable of.
If we’re emotionally healthy, that is.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I stay at home and avoid others.

dxs's avatar

I’m not a teacher but I have a good amount of experience teaching and tutoring kids. What keeps me at bay is understanding that they’re young and their minds are still developing. They are still learning to control themselves.

Coloma's avatar

Yes, you just don’t act on your impulses but don’t feel guilty for having them. Entertaining violent thoughts is not the same as acting on them. I absolutely HATE one of my friends hideous little chihuahua dogs. It scrabbles around and the sound of it’s toenails clicking on the floor remind me of scurrying cockroaches. It smells because it farts all the time, is an OCD licker, always licking on it’s paw and leaving wet spots around and is just the most annoying dog in the world. It’s not the dogs fault but I still hate her and wouldn’t take her in if she was starving in the snow. haha

I have had visions of just strangling the damn little creepy thing but, of course, I would never do it.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

Walk away. Take some time-out. I used to water the garden when my kids were driving me nuts. Just water, water, water. You just have to give yourself and allow yourself, some time to calm down.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Hell like all the others are saying you just don’t, I am a trucker and I have more that once dreamed of just shoving the slow idiot driver that is in front of me off a cliff just to watch them die, but we don’t act on our impulses .

msh's avatar

For me, checking two of the examples listed, you have to think fast, react slowly.
You have to ascertain, just by looking at their face, their body language, the situation and it’s immediacy, then mix in your experience, and then narrow it all down to go with your gut reaction.
Most of the time you are on point.
Sometimes you are wrong.
Never, ever, touch! Not with upset going on.
What is going to happen if you do react badly? (Chances are, you won’t.)
If you don’t? Breathe.
What is actually needed? Bottom line?
Factors that may make a difference- for you-
Fatigue, extreme fatigue, stress from your own situations, attempting to reason with a situation where there isn’t any.
Logic for you does not equal logic for another.
Working on the thought that with most- they are doing the best they can.
Then asking yourself – am I doing the best I can?
If you do screw up….apologize and do what you need to to help or fix.
A really hard thing to do sometimes is to let it go. Tough one, that. At times.
Moments always pass.
Always.

Then get yourself out and away to get free while you can, so you are able to go back and start again the next time. Because it can reeeeally wear a person out. If you give it your all, you won’t have any left over for yourself.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
janbb's avatar

Sometimes you didn’t – and then you beat yourself up for the rest of your life.

msh's avatar

It’s called a conscientious decision.
On more than one level. Usually is.
Then there are other things that occur
upon which your best intentions and plans
fly away upon a invisible, swirling mass of air.
Aaaahhhhhh life.
Others just get to be full of….ideas that
have no substance nor knowledge.
Be careful of whence thou speaketh,
Good thing some take it on,
most are too weak in the knees. And spirit.
Teaching/working with kids- it’s not a spectator sport.
Good luck with your own movements of air.

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