General Question

sccrowell's avatar

What would you do, if your daughter called you and had said, "Mama, some man just grab me by the throat and started strangling me?

Asked by sccrowell (3508points) July 28th, 2008 from iPhone

My daughter volunteers/works for the Muai
Humane Society as an adoption ????. She was in the (it’s like an EXTREMELY large van. A man in his sixties entered the vehicle told her, he liked cats, that had one and that his neighbor had strangled it! This man grabbed her around her neck picked her about a foot and a half off the ground.Struggling for about a minute an a half, her body tingling and could no longer see, kick and connected, he dropped her. The man walked out of the vehicle. Someone eventually walked out saw her lying on the ground and came to her aid.
The man was found walking. After tsing the police she wanted to press charges against him. The police have tried to talk her out of pressing charged. What should she do?

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31 Answers

kevbo's avatar

Ultimately, she needs to do whatever will get her over the trauma she experienced. She may have the feeling that this was a flukey incident with someone who is crazy but isn’t likely to repeat, or she may feel PTSD at nearly losing her life and become unable to function like she did.

I don’t know why the police would try to talk her out of it, unless they know from experience that the benefit will be less than the effort or they’re negligent. For the former, I think that’s an attorney’s job to assess and make a recommendation.

The other thing to remember is that she can always drop the charges later.

lefteh's avatar

I cannot think of a reason to not press charges.

susanc's avatar

So, scrowell’s actual question was, “what would you do if YOUR daughter called you and said….”.
I would find the man and kill him.

whiteowl's avatar

Can not disagree Susanc!

cheebdragon's avatar

police love to talk people out of pressing charges… guess is they don’t want to do the paperwork…..
Don’t let the police talk your daughter out of pressing charges….

Where did the man come from? I’m still a little confused by the story, was he trying to show her how the cat died? Or was he trying to kill her?

Scrumpulator's avatar

Lets get rhetorical for second here… Would you want to know that this man did it again to some other poor girl? Whats the issue here. There are no decisions to make. If your daughter wont press charges then call the District Attorney. In Oregon If the victim would not press charges, then the District Attorney would. It might be the case there. If that fails call the media. This will make a headache for the authority, forcing action and outrage from the public. If it happened to my one of my sisters (don’t have kids) I would be on a plane.

Randy's avatar

If that happened to a loved one of mine, I agree with many of the above. Somebody else would be receiving a good ‘ole fashioned choking by me.

SuperMouse's avatar

If you are near enough, be with her, love her, listen to her. If you are not near enough, be on the phone, or IM or email with her, love her, listen to her. As Kevbo said, encourage her to see someone and make sure she works through all of this so she isn’t haunted by PTSD.

Ignore what the police said and press charges. Since she wants to press charges, it is clear she doesn’t want to let this guy off the hook. Seeing him convicted might help her with her own healing process. What he did was attempted murder plain and simple, he needs to be brought to justice. Scrumpulator has a good point as well about this guy being free to do something like this again, the next victim might not survive.

PupnTaco's avatar

I’d help her press charges and make sure that guy goes away.
Then get her all the medical and psychological help she needs.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Well I am sure the police have their logic for recommending she not press charges. I am sure it is NOT because they are lazy and do not want to do the paper work, As if one more case going to court is going to really over load their daily paper work as it is. Did you talk to any of the officers involved in the case and ask them why? They might actually have a good reason. Also going to court is a bit of a hassle, your daughter will no doubt have to testify if it goes to court. which it might, since the guys defense will probably be that he is a crazy asshole who didn’t take his meds that morning. And what will he get out of it? probably a minimum sentence for assualt, I dont think any prosecutor would try to swing an attempted murder case on this one. So really, you are not taking this dangerous (probably more crazy than dangerous) individual off the street for longer than a year. So ask your self, is it really worth the hassle to get your justice on this one? In fact, depending on this guys state of mind, you could end up getting nothing on him. I say at least listen to what the police recommend and why, and decide for yourself. They usually have a realistic viewpoint of how the legal system is going to work out, and their advice is free.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

btw I am in no way siding with the guy who choked your daughter out, I am just saying as much as you may want to get justice for this, the court may just cause more hassle in the long run. you can walk away from it now and put it all behind you, or deal with it for another year via the legal system. (maybe not that long, but you never know)

loser's avatar


trogdor_87's avatar

WTF…PRESS CHARGES!!!!!!!!!! That is just crazy, why would the police just brush off something as serious as that!

susanc's avatar

Good threadful of thoughts. The idea of asking the police
why NOT press charges is sensible. If they have a reason, you should know it.
The idea of pressing charges being too much of a hassle really shocks me; sorry Lyle, but that is irresponsible. This guy is dangerous – being “crazy” doesn’t make him safe to be free in the community, and it
doesn’t pardon sccrowell and her girl from trying to stop his behavior. They’re the ones who know about it, so it falls to them to intervene.
Good lord.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

its not irresponsible its just being sensible. if you want to spend a bunch of time in a court room trying to get this guy convicted on what will boil down to a minor assault charge, then do it. I never said they should not, just that they may not want too. Its not like if they don’t press charges this criminal master mind is going to run loose and terrorize the city. The report was made, and if this guy had a serious record the police would not be so passive about putting him in jail. And if the guy does turn into a problem then appropriate action will be taken like he gets put in a hospital or something. And I never said He should be exempt from consequences because hes crazy, I was trying to make a point that, because he probably has mental issues and just had a bad day will probably make what ever his sentencing is minimum. Which is why, in the end, I recommend just putting it behind you and moving on. chances are you wont get much out of the effort you put into trying to get your justice via the legal system. Sorry to open your eyes to this, but the legal system just isn’t that great. But like I said previously, talk to the cops and make up your own mind, if they want their justice then go get it.
And my name is Kyle…..

susanc's avatar

Sorry Kyle. I was too hasty.
Also your corrections are fair.
We agree that asking the police questions is a good idea. I also agree that it will probably be frustrating to see how little can be done with this fella. But let’s say that what sccrowell and her daughter want is for the guy to
be contained, rather than punished. Pressing charges is more likely to get him off the street for awhile, more likely than than giving up. Right?

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Well, I see your line of thought susanc, and I am not a lawyer or a cop, but I do not think they are going to throw the guy in jail for the entire time it takes for them to prosecute him, ya know. Chances are he will be free to do as he pleases during the trial, as long as he shows up. Assuming it even makes it to trial. So I don’t think it would do much to contain him really.

ebenezer's avatar

maybe playing devils advocate… But why would the police try to get charges dropped for attempted murder? Paperwork? that would be beyond lazy/shameful. criminal.

lefteh's avatar

@ebenezer: I work in the county courthouse for one of the largest counties in the United States, and I can tell you from first-hand experience that that happens CONSTANTLY.

ebenezer's avatar

lefteh- very well, I do not work in the county courthouse. Paperwork prevails.

lefteh's avatar

It’s pretty awful. And when a supervisor gets wind of it, somebody’s ass is fired.

Knotmyday's avatar

Press charges; get a lawyer. The police need to act. The man is clearly a danger to the public. If nothing is done, write the paper and call the news. Nothing will make an agency “hop to” like negative press; plus you will create community awareness of the threat. I hope your daughter is ok…

sccrowell's avatar

EVERYONE I’m sorry I have responded! I’ve been sick with food poisoning. That’s what I get for leaving eggs out for two days without putting them in fridg. First: Ashley lives on Maui in the Hawaiian Islands and I live in the Earthquake Capital, LOL. She suggested she should press charges and I whole heartedly agreed with her. The following day she went to the police station to do just that and the officer taking the report suggested to her that she drop the charges. Apparently, the elderlly man is mentally retarded and is not responsible for his action. When she asked who was, they or he ( the officier) said he had a 24 hour caregiver who was. Ashley said fine where was she when this man was choking her. The cop couldn’t answer that. Ashley said wanted to press charges against both of them that she didn’t want this to happen to anyone else. Asked the cop, what if it were your child this man had choked and killed? Would you just let it drop? When he didn’t say anything, my daughter said that’s what I thought, and asked to speak to someone else. They told her it could take months and months before it would go to trial she said she didn’t care. They still more or less have blown her off.
As for PTSD, Ashley is all too aware of this as it hit too close to home. I myself went through it, when I had a gun put behind my head was told if I said a word or made any movement I would die. The man had taken $635,000.00 dollars in merchandise. That was cost not retail. Well, I thought I could handle it, I was strong. I was dead wrong. It has 9 years 8 months and 29 days. Okay, this isn’t about me. I have spoken to her repeatedly how important it is for her to talk to someone professionally, to a doctor. I’m not sure she will send her this thread and hope to god she will read ALL that everyone has written. I was extremely lucky, I had my family close by and Whatthefluther.
It is so hard with her being 2800 miles away.she knows she can call me 24/7 I’m a great listener. She has Chris, her boyfriend, bestfriend as well as his family.

I would like to again THANK ALL of YOU for taking the time to answer my question. There are those of you who I look up to with the utmost respect. And those who I’m just getting to know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

sccrowell's avatar

Oops! I meant to say, I’m not sure she’ll read this so I will send her this thread! Thank you, Knotmyday!

sccrowell's avatar

I really hate this iPhone, and I’m too sick to get up and use my pc. Hence all typo’s. I meant “haven’t responded” in my first line. I hope most of you will be able to read through most of my mistakes! I apologize for them…

sccrowell's avatar

Hopefully this will clarify a couple question. As I have stated, Ashley works with the Maui humane society (in the adoption) part. She travels with animals to the local news stations, where they broadcast available animals for adoption, she also tavels to the local malls. She has a licence that allows her to drive this very large vehicle like the size of a large motorhome but bigger. While she was inside of it getting the animals ready, this man walked into the vehicle. She had turn at the sound of the door opening, when he came in. Not wanting to be rude, she said, hello and started to say that no one was allowed in the vehicle, when he interrupted her by saying” he liked cats, that his neighbors had strangled his cat.” she turned to put the cat downand turn back when he grabbed her around her throat. You know the rest. She never made it into the mall and apparently when she was late getting in there they went to check what was taking her so long that’s when they saw him coming out of the vehicle and inside saw her on the floor unconcious(sp). I hope this helped… Please excuse my typo’s…

Randy's avatar

Somebody is to blame because that IS NOT ok.

sccrowell's avatar

Randy, I agree…

Traveosa's avatar

Press charges, attack him, anything around that area.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

You know sccrowell, if your daughter does decide to take him (or his care giver) to court, make sure that she also follows up with a civil lawsuit, If you have to tango with the legal system, mine as well tango a little more and get a few bucks out of it.

sccrowell's avatar

Ashley, just doesn’t want this same thing to happen to a child. That is her greatest fear. She feels she was lucky, he dropped her when he did. She wouldchave died had he not. She just want him to be placed in a hospital where he can’t hurt other people. Where he can be watch 24/7.

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