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FlutherBug's avatar

What is the quickest and least painful way to get over an abusive relationship?

Asked by FlutherBug (1103points) May 30th, 2016

What is the quickest or easiest way to get over an abusive relationship that was verbal, spiritual, psychological and physically abusive? Is there any way to completely get over it or will the person be traumatized (like have PTSD eventually) ?

Will throwing away / burning / tossing out old memories of the abuser make the pain go away faster? For example if you pretend they never existed?

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9 Answers

Judi's avatar

Nothing speeds up the process but living a happy fulfilled life is the best revenge. Go find yourself. Do the things you loved but gave up for the relationship. You might not realize what they are yet but you will. It might be something as simple as watching TV shows that your ex didn’t like or as adventurous as climbing a mountain that you didn’t climb because the ex wasn’t interested in the great outdoors.
Especially in a controlling relationship you give up stuff. Go out and do that stuff and revel in it.

elbanditoroso's avatar

What is meant by “spiritually abusive”?

It’s depressing to think that religion can be used as such a weapon that it is considered abuse, I know it’s true, but it’s depressing to think about.

marinelife's avatar

Burning (or otherwise destroying photos or other memories) might help if it done consciously. Really, with abuse of that level, it would be best to get some professional counseling (therapy). You need to know consciously all of the feelings that have stemmed from it. It affects one’s self-esteem and self image, it affects all relationships, it affects one’s life very pervasively.

johnpowell's avatar

Move on. Dwelling on it isn’t helping. Get outside. Sitting on the computer asking strangers is just making it worse. A basketball is 18 bucks. Spend your hours trying to dunk.

Seek's avatar

Professional therapy if it’s available.

I love the concept of symbolic steps to disconnect. When I left the church I cut my hair. When I moved out of my parents’ house, I spent a week doing lots of things I wasn’t allowed to do at home: Eat ice cream for breakfast, listen to U2 (my stepfather had a personal vendetta against them), use the computer after 9:00 PM. Go to the movie theatre. Buy clothes for myself that no one pre-approved.

It feels awesome.

And once you “break the chain”, you can feel free to do things because you want to or because they make you happy and not either because someone wants you to or because that same person wouldn’t like it.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I’m sorry to say that I doubt it’s possible to heal from an abusive relationship quickly. There are simply too many factors that need to be dealt with, and I believe the careful guidance of a professional therapist is the best way to do it. It may take years, so be gentle with the victim in that time, because the process is necessarily painful.

YARNLADY's avatar

I’m sorry, but there is no Quick or less painful way. Only time and perhaps professional help can solve this problem.

Winter_Pariah's avatar

A “quick” and “less painful” way to get over an abusive relationship that I am aware of is to fall into another abusive relationship… where obviously there is more pain way waiting. There are of course other ways to get over it quickly but they typically fall under the category of unhealthy ways to cope.

No one said anything about healthy.

As for healthy ways… it really varies from person to person. If you enjoy the outdoors, going hiking often might help (initially avoiding anywhere that may hold significant memories with the former s/o); if you enjoy arts and crafts focusing much of your free time on arts and crafts may help and so on and so forth. Pretty much don’t give yourself time to dwell on the past, get lost in something you enjoy or demands your attention in the here and now. It may not be quick (it took me over 2 years doing this to get over the loss of a loved one) but it definitely helps with the pain aspect.

Inspired_2write's avatar

The quickest and painless way to get over an abusive realtionship is to realize that you did
You stayed in this abusive relationship because you felt deep down in yourself that you were not worthy of a HEALTHY relationship..hense you attracted that in your life, BUT Now you may or may not understand the “WHY” of it..that is where couselling will help .

Understand that to get away from that abusive realtionship that you had the courage to stand up for yourself abet that it sometimes takes time to get to that point.
Nevertheless YOU ARE AT THAT POINT do not let into your life anyone who does not respect you, your family, your goals, ambitions, dreams,looks,character or whatever else that makes you YOU!
Realize that there is in fact someone who will treat you with respect and the worthyness that you deserve, when you respect yourself enough for it to happen.

End an abusive realtionship knowing that there are better people for you in this World.
In order for a healthy relationship to happen, get rid of the abusive ones and stay away from them..they have problems of their own to work on.

Good Luck and Best Wishes for a better life that you will carve out for yourself because you deserve it.

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