Social Question

filmfann's avatar

Instead of saying my wife was previously married, is it okay to call her a "rescue"?

Asked by filmfann (47819points) June 15th, 2016

A rescue dog is a dog that is rescued from a possible euthanasia after being found as a stray, a dog that has been saved from an abusive or neglectful home by an animal rescue organisation such as the RSPCA in the UK or the ASPCA in the USA.”

People who own rescue dogs usually mention it in the first 5 minutes of conversation, and I understand why it is a source of pride.
My wife was abused during her first marriage. When he left, she was a single mom on welfare.
Is it demeaning to refer to her as a rescue?
Is it demeaning to tell others your dog is a rescue?

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23 Answers

cazzie's avatar

It could be a funny joke depending on her sense of humour but if she finds it in bad taste or demeaning you need to stop saying it. Immediately.

Stinley's avatar

I don’t know about dogs but I’m sure that I would find being called rescued demeaning. Women aren’t incapable of independent thought and action and the word suggests that she was just sitting waiting for a man to come along and save her. It’s great that you met each other and that you were in a position to help her improve her circumstances but saying you rescued her is going a bit far. A simple ‘we met and found we made each other happy’ would suffice

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Does she have a sense of humor?

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Go with preowned.

That will go over wonderfully.

elbanditoroso's avatar

You might check with your wife to see how she feels about it. @SecondHandStoke said what I would have added.

To the question of “is it demeaning to the dog..?” – no, dogs do not have complex emotions that deal with concepts like insults and ambiguous vocabulary terms. So it’s OK to call your dog a rescue dog.

Most wives do have the ability to understand complex emotions….

ibstubro's avatar

I think letting it be known that your wife/dog is a “mutt” is sufficient.

Save the gory details for close friend and littermates family.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I would worry very much about being bitten or even being “put down” in my sleep.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I love my new avatar. ^ Wtf is it and where did it come from? Where did it go?

Jak's avatar

Did you marry her to secure bragging rights? When you have a disagreement, do you remind her how much she “owes” you and that if it weren’t for you she would have nothing? Do you want to make sure people know what you did for her? “There are those who give little of the much which they have and they give it for recognition – and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome” K Gibran

ibstubro's avatar

Is “bitch” an acceptable term of endearment to your wife, @filmfann?

If not, you might want to refrain from claiming bragging rights on the “rescue”.

BellaB's avatar

I have @Setanta on a foster to adopt program. If he’s trainable, I’ll keep working with him. However it works out, he’ll be easier to manage for the next home.

(does that sound reasonable?)

johnpowell's avatar

Try it and then in a month reply to the question above about soft palms.

dappled_leaves's avatar

It’s not okay whether she has a sense of humour or not. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to trivialize the abuse of someone they loved. That’s horrible.

Jak's avatar

I would also speculate, by the question and the mindset that it implies, that you may be , at the very least, emotionally and mentally abusive towards your wife. I’ve seen it before. The vessel is polished on the outside and tarnished within.

filmfann's avatar

@dappled_leaves. Then why is it okay to say that about your dog?

Coloma's avatar

A “rescue”? lol
Hell no!
A “rescue” implies, with an animal that it was saved/rescued from a bad situation or homelessness, to say a person, a women, in a 2nd marriage was a rescue implies she is a non-person that was incapable of saving herself and weathering a divorce like the grown woman she is. I used to joke with an ex that I was “bonus chick” as a new relationship partner to a middle aged man. Now that was humorous, but rescue, uh uh.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@filmfann Because your dog does not have its own agency. Because your dog does not have the mental capacity of an adult human. Because your dog is owned.

Using the same phrase for your wife that is traditionally reserved for pets is inherently demeaning, and implies that you view your wife as powerless, mentally deficient, and ultimately your property.

Dogs are not human. They are mentally and socially less than us. We use paternalistic language when we talk about them, because they depend on us completely for their existence.

Are you really having trouble understanding this, or are you trying to indicate that you think we should talk about dogs as if they were human? If the latter, can you make your case instead of vaguely hinting that other people should not be arguing against it? I am interested to see what your argument is.

cazzie's avatar

Filmfan, Look up the sociology term called ‘agency’.

Dutchess_III's avatar

The only person whose opinion matters is your wife. How does she / would she feel about it?

Also, may I ask, were you “a rescue”?

si3tech's avatar

I can only imagine how humiliated she would feel knowing you thought of her that way. @filmfann

ibstubro's avatar

I’m guessing that this is a joke between you and Mrs. @filmfann?

cazzie's avatar

Dutchess, most men are rescues, regardless whether they were married before or not.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Well, my first thought upon reading the question was…

…what useful purpose does applying a label serve?

I guess if you absolutely have to apply a label referencing a person’s former life situation, you can probably find a reason to justify doing so. Whether or not it’s okay, then, becomes irrelevant.

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