Social Question

Unofficial_Member's avatar

What's so appealing about married man in dating site/app?

Asked by Unofficial_Member (5107points) July 12th, 2016

It is quite often for me to find men that put “married man” label as part of their introductory profile. I, myself, have never dated a such a person nor have I had any conversation regarding why they’re flaunting that status in online dating site/app. They also stated that they are looking for sex/dating.

I suspect that people who put this label are the types that willing to give ‘reward’ for sex, or perhaps they’re simply being honest with their status? I mean, realistically, who would want to date someone that is already in marriage relationship. I could be wrong. What do you think? What are the typical reasons for men to put their “married man” status on online dating sites/apps?

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21 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

Supposed “experience” in sexual activities and the “forbidden fruit” allure.

zenvelo's avatar

There are women who are seeking an outside connection without having to face a question of commitment. It isn’t just men.

Depending on the dating site, some are more open about this than others. But for women in an open relationship or who are not looking for a partner but just wanting some sex and a bit of dating, a married man can be attractive.

There are women who put “married” on their profile, too.

canidmajor's avatar

Some women might not want to marry, or be heavily emotionally involved. The hope would be that the man would be discreet, not make many demands on her time, and be comfortable with a fairly casual sexual liaison.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Just as some men want sex (but not a relationship), some women do too. So a man being up front with “I’m unavailable for marriage but good for sex” may be good advertising to attract a woman who wants the same thing.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

There are man unmarried men in dating sites that advertise themselves as wanting casual sex and no commitment, too. What could be different than the ones that put themselves as “married”? Obviously, we would think the unmarried ones are more preferable as nobody want to be the thrid person, household breaker, or to be involved in someone else’s household drama.

jca's avatar

@Unofficial_Member: The single ones who advertise for casual sex may be leery that some ladies will end up looking for more of a relationship. The ones who specify “married” don’t have to worry about that happening.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I agree. It’s about no commitment. “I’m not possessive, neither will I cling.”

BellaB's avatar

Dating sites are for everybody. Not just people looking for commitments.

It’s useful to know upfront who’s there for dating/sex/fun and doesn’t want/need/expect anything else.

marinelife's avatar

They are seeking sex with no strings. Possibly from another married person. It is disgusting.

Dutchess_III's avatar

There would be no allure for me. My only thought would be “Asshole.”

CWOTUS's avatar

There could be a number of reasons.

As some point out, for some women it’s a flag (not necessarily a red flag) that “this guy is probably not looking for a committed relationship”. So if she wants no-strings-attached good times (whether that’s just conversation, or wining and dining, or dancing the night away or just plain sex, or any combination of those things – or more), then this is a guy who more or less promises that he won’t ask her to commit to him or to marry him. (Because, on the other hand, a lot of guys are looking for a life partner, and maybe she’s not, so it can be helpful in the screening process for both people if they understand that at the outset.)

That works both ways. When I go on dating sites I avoid women who state that their aim is to find a potential mate – because I’m not able to make the commitment that they clearly want.

Other than that, it’s a confession up front that “if you have qualms about seeing a married man in a social way other than with our partners present”, then move on, move on.

My own few profiles on dating sites – and I don’t think that I have any current active ones – have stated since 2001 that I’m “separated”. I don’t say any more than that unless we start a conversation, but if the conversation develops into more than “just conversation”, then I spill more details (up to the point where I would provide detail about my wife’s status or condition or “reasons why”, and the potential partner has to understand that I’m not going to violate her privacy).

MrGrimm888's avatar

Uh… Yeah… I think the married man/woman looking for sex is a shitty person. The ones who knowingly respond are at least as shitty, maybe worse…
One of my ex girlfriends was married when I started dating her. But she didn’t wear her ring, didn’t live with her husband anymore, and had been separated for 6 months before we met.
She said that her husband wasn’t cooperative with the divorce process. She finally did get divorced, and a couple years later, we broke up as well….

zenvelo's avatar

A lot of couples have arrangements where one or the other or both may “step out” within agreed upon boundaries. Those boundaries run the gamut from poly-amorous to “don’t ask/don’t tell” and all sort of variations.

In those instances, kudos to the married man or woman who is upfront and honest in advertising.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

“Married” effectively means: “I expect you to respect my boundaries and you can count on my respect for yours.”

Thanks @zenvelo for addressing she sexist nature of the op.

zenvelo's avatar

@Dutchess_III The OP was a bit sexist (and many of the comments, too) because it focuses on married men, as if women would never ever do that, and that only men who are disgusting assholes that would do such a thing.

johnpowell's avatar

Well, the OP is discussing what they see when they search. So I wouldn’t assume malice. They probably aren’t looking for the ladies since there is no interest.

It is quite often for me to find men that put “married man” label as part of their introductory profile.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@johnpowell. What do you mean “they probably aren’t looking for ladies”? Please explain.

@zenvelo, I don’t know dating websites. How many woman on there advertise that they are married as part of their profile? What could possibly be the allure?
I can’t fathom the allure of responding to a married man, either. From where I sit, being married means you took a vow. You made a serious promise…that apparently you’re willing to break without a second thought. That makes anyone an asshole.

Maybe I’m just slow at the moment, but neither one of your explanations explain to me how the question is “sexist.”

johnpowell's avatar

@Dutchess_III :: They clearly are searching for men. Does that make it more clear?

Unofficial_Member's avatar

I am grateful for @johnpowell for explaining the situation in my absence. It is true. I have no need to check ladies’ profile since I have no interest in them. I do, however, acknowledge what @zenvelo said that women could also do the same thing.

Seek's avatar

I have a friend who is actively seeking a partner, and they have complained that the dating service that they pay have matched them with married people.

In every instance, it’s been a case of “the divorce is not yet final”, but my friend is insistent that they only be matched with people who are emotionally and legally ready to begin a relationship. They do not want to stand on the sidelines for alimony hearings and custody battles.

A person listing married on their dating profile is thoroughly helpful to my friend. It lets them know to skip the profile and keep looking.

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