Social Question

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Do you think people ever wonder how ridiculous they look to others when having a temper tantrum?

Asked by SQUEEKY2 (19395points) July 16th, 2016

Regardless of the reason, and including myself at times people look absolutely stupid when having a meltdown.
Do you think anyone blowing a gasket realizes this?

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28 Answers

SmartAZ's avatar

No. Kids learn most of their emotions and behaviors from Mommy and when they grow older they assume they are merely obeying laws of the universe because they have never behaved any other way. In fact everything they do is a habit, and they can change by learning new habits. For instance after they lose a fight they learn some new ways to behave.

canidmajor's avatar

”...and including myself at times…”
@SQUEEKY2, do you realize this while you are “blowing a gasket”?
I’m pretty sure I don’t, because I am so caught up in the event. :-) I try very hard to walk away before I get to that point.

@SmartAZ: Do you have kids?

ragingloli's avatar

Of course not.
From their perspective, they are just expressing righteous vengeance and furious anger.
They still think that Iraq had WMDs

jca's avatar

In children, I don’t think they know or care (little toddlers, I mean). Older children, like my own 9 year old, I don’t see throw tantrums and if I did, I’d suspect some sort of behavioral issue or emotional issue.

Adults, if I see them throw a tantrum, I suspect an emotional problem or immaturity. Adults look like assholes if they have tantrums, in my opinion. I don’t expect to see coworkers throwing tantrums, and if they did, they’d be removed by the cop in the building and they’d probably be sent to Employee Assistance for an evaluation.

Mariah's avatar

Sometimes. Yesterday I was furiously grumpy over something stupid and I even said to Matt “You must think I’m so ridiculous right now.”

But if people have managed to justify it in their minds as righteous anger, like loli said, they’ll think their anger is the correct response and will never question it. I’ve seen a lot of that.

I also had a former roommate who would get to slamming-doors levels of anger over losing video games, which is pretty much the most petty thing to be upset about imo, and he never seemed to feel shame. The one time I called him out on it, I was somehow the bad guy.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@SmartAZ I find it interesting that you’d pin the blame for emotional immaturity square on the mothers, and not on the fathers who act like this. Do you have a logical explanation for your theory?

Men who throw those fits, especially abusive ones, don’t see themselves as throwing a temper tantrum just like a two year old. They feel their righteous indignation and violent behavior is justified AND it’s someone else’s fault. Someone else drove them to it.

Coloma's avatar

Temper tantrums are for children. Any adult that throws a temper tantrum needs to work on the emotional intelligence. I once had a contractor have a meltdown working on installing some antique wrought iron fencing for me. The guy was 50 something and threw my expensive fencing panel down in the dirt, got in his truck, peeled put of my driveway, scraping/skimming the fence and left his tools all over.

2 days went by without a word so I called him and said ” come and get your tools, you’re finished here.” he then snuck back on the sly to get his tools and I never heard from him again. What an infant! Gah!We can all have a pissy moment now and then but those that are prone to sloppy displays of childish emotion make my short list of ” Hit the road Jack.”

My old housemate had childish temper out bursts, so unbecoming to a supposedly “mature” person.

Aster's avatar

I don’t think they realize it. In fact, after years of watching my ex have them , near the end it dawned on me how stupid he looked. Imagine: clenched fists, clenched teeth and a bright red face. For nothing, usually . The horrible part ? His daughters witnessed this, cried and ran away a lot- and they adore him .
Bad memories. Wish so badly I had left sooner. What an idiot.

Coloma's avatar

@Aster Yeah and, a lot of people use temper tantrums to wield some sort of power and control over others. It is a form of bullying. I do not tolerate that shit at all. At-all.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

I think that is what people try to justify, it’s not their fault someone else drove them to it.
WOW the world is full of stupid people, and in melt down mode we just prove you can add one more to that list.

Aster's avatar

@Coloma he was definitely a bully. But if a man threatened him he’d run . Only women and young girls were the victims of his wrath.
Maybe, just maybe, if I had had some serious cash back then I would have left years sooner. Hard to say knowing he was not only the father of my children he was also a lot of fun and quite the charmer when he wasn’t throwing a fit.

SmartAZ's avatar

@Dutchess_III you always seem to miss my point and substitute your own. Please don’t read my posts any more.

YARNLADY's avatar

While under the influence of uncontrollable hormones, people do not realize or care how they look.

AshlynM's avatar

Maybe after the fact but probably not during. Or if they are aware, they just don’t care.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, then clarify your point so I don’t miss it, @SmartAZ. You said, ” Kids learn most of their emotions and behaviors from Mommy….” I simply asked you to explain why you think they learn most of their emotions from the mother, and not the father?

What hormones would that be @YARNLADY? I guess I’m thinking of full grown adults screaming and yelling and throwing things because they didn’t get their way.

SmartAZ's avatar

@Dutchess_III You did not “simply ask”, you reworded my statement and used the expression “pin the blame”. Your point is based on blame and mine was based on the basic responsibilities of motherhood which are taught in sociology classes: the mother teaches the kids basic social skills. Not the father because he is working to support the family.

Mariah's avatar

Yikes….you’re aware this model of family is pretty outdated, right? Plenty of mothers are working these days.

Dutchess_III's avatar

OK @SmartAZ. I didn’t realize you were coming from the stand point of the norm for the 1950’s and 60’s. Every young mother I know, personally, with the exception of one, are also out working, as many hours as the father, supporting them.

Can you come at it from a modern perspective? Every sociology class I ever took, in HS and college, discussed a child’s emotional development and the role each parent had in it…roles that are interchangeable. Also, the roles that non-family care givers, such as daycare, even schools, and peer pressure, had in it.

If my mother, who was a home maker all through the 60’s and 70’s, when I was growing up, was the sole author of my emotional maturity, I’d be a basket case.

SmartAZ's avatar

I repeat: you always seem to miss my point and substitute your own. Please don’t read my posts any more.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Could you please explain to me where you came up with your reasoning that the mothers are mostly responsible for a child’s emotional development? Please?

SmartAZ's avatar

I took a sociology class once. The teacher said it there.

Dutchess_III's avatar

When was this? And was it a male or a female? (Even sociology teachers are influenced by societal assumptions, and their gender can play a large part in their views.)

SmartAZ's avatar

I decline to give you any more ammunition to use against me.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, then, I will tell you a story.

I was a stay at home Mom when my kids were little. My marriage started going on the rocks because my husband started behaving badly. We started arguing a lot. I made efforts to keep the kids out of it as much as I could by keeping my voice down. He had no such compunction. He would scream at me, at the top of his lungs, and call me names.
One time we were down stairs, the kids were upstairs in another room,and an argument broke out. Same story. I kept begging him to keep his voice down. He wouldn’t.
I finally just left the room.
I went to where my the two youngest kids were watching TV, and sat down with them to assure them that every thing was OK, because I know the screaming had to have scared them. My son was 3, my daughter was 5.

Until then, there had never, ever been an argument in front of the kids. Until then.

My husband came storming up the stairs, slammed into the room where I was sitting with my children on either side, my arm around them. He screamed, ‘I JUST WANT TO PUNCH YOUR FUCKING TEETH DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT! and violently punched a hole in the wall.
I was…the kids were….I can’t describe it. They were terrified. I mean that’s the point for the Alpha Gorilla displaying such violence in front of much weaker pack members, to terrify them. It scared me, but I was also disbelieving. That behavior wasn’t unusual for him, but they’d never witnessed it before. I could not believe he did that in front of them.
We didn’t move. Didn’t say a word. My husband slammed out of the house and went where ever he was going all the time in those days.
At the time one of my best friends was a counselor, and she gave me lots and lots of good advice on how to deal with children in productive ways.
I waited a day, then asked my gentle, sweet, 3 year old son how that had made him feel. His answer rocked my world, and slammed the last coffin nail on our marriage.

He said, “It made me want to hit you.”

Jesus. It knocked the breath out of me. I was not expecting that.

Within a year I was out. Or, more properly, my husband was out. It was tough. He was a manager at Boeing, I was a home maker. I sure didn’t take the easy road, but I got them, and me, out.

Two years after that my ex moved 2000 miles away, just for the hell of it, and they’ve had very little contact since. The abandonment has taken a huge emotional toll on the kids, that manifests itself in different ways with each kid.

I think my son’s response, though, is actually healthy. I think he vowed never to be like that. He’s still a very gentle, protective, loving kid. But he’s not so short now. He’s 6’2”. He does not use his voice or size to intimidate his tiny wife (5’ 1”, maybe) or his children. He’s a great father. He’s a very good man, and I’ve had different people in the community tell me that.

I can’t help but wonder what kind of man he’d be today, due to his father’s examples, and teachings of emotional behavior, if I hadn’t gotten him out.

(LOL! About 6 months after he moved out, and his girlfriend had dumped him, he called to tell me that a doctor told him that he was “clinically depressed.” He sound a little.. proud of it? Kind of like bragging in a way? Or…I was supposed to be shocked, and sorry for him?
I said, “Well, if I’d done the shit you’ve done I’d be clinically depressed to!”
That brought an abrupt end to his pity party!)

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Confession: I had a bit of a meltdown in public. The SO and I were on holiday in Israel. The plan was to take a bus from Tel Aviv to Jersalem for the day. The trip is an hour long, and the busses have free wifi. It was rush hour when we arrived at the TA station, and busses to J. we’re leaving every 10 minutes.

We were at the end of the queue for the next bus to J., and I suggested that we wait for the next bus so that we could sit together. He just wanted to get there, so we boarded. There were no seats left. It was standing room only. I asked the driver if we could use the ticket for the next bus, and he said “No”, shut the doors, and off we went.

I was frustrated. We hadn’t specifically planned what to do that day, there was no way to use the Internet on the bus to plot out a game plan while standing, and we were separated while finding a safe place to stand.

Either my brief and angry conservation with the SO was overheard, or the grumpy attitude was picked up on by at least one other passenger. At one point, an Israeli soldier offered me his seat. I bent down and whispered, “Thank you for the offer. You deserve to sit more than I do.”

By that time, I was so mortified at acting the way I did, not only in public, but in another country where it might allow others to think, “Ah, another loud, obnoxious American.” In the meantime, the anger had already subsided, the view out the windows was appreciated, and I was just thankful that I could stand for an hour while some cannot.

There was hope that this ugly memory would one day be forgotten, but this question dredged it up again. Perhaps all of the negative comments posted above regarding judgement of other strangers’ meltdowns are true and also apply to me.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Ah @Pied_Pfeffer ~ Shit happens! It’s OK. I forgive you!

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

If they did, would they keep dong it?

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