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ZEPHYRA's avatar

Do you know of any women over 45 who regret not having had children?

Asked by ZEPHYRA (21499points) July 31st, 2016

For some or other reason the cut off point took them in and they did not have a child. How has that affected them? Is there bitterness, sorrow or acceptance? Of course I am not referring to those who clearly did not want kids.

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13 Answers

canidmajor's avatar

I know three women who decided deliberately to not have children, then regretted it. However, most of the women I know who decided not to have children are still very happy with their choices.

YARNLADY's avatar

I know of one woman who wanted children, but her husband had a severe stroke and died several years later in a care home. She still wants children and will soon adopt three siblings.

Kardamom's avatar

One of my close friends was always the one who babysat every summer and loved kids. I rarely babysat because I never enjoyed being around kids, even when I was a teenager. The only time I enjoyed being around kids was when I was a kid, Lol.

Anyway, my friend always loved kids and everyone expected that she would have a bunch of kids when she grew up. She got married young, had a bad marriage, got divorced, had a longtime relationship that ultimately went sour, by that time she had cancer and had to have a full hysterectomy, so she couldn’t have kids. It would have been a very bad idea for her to have had children with her former husband or the man she had the long term relationship with. So by the time she was in her mid 40’s, having kids was not an option.

In the meantime, several of her close friends and her sister had multiple kids. Again, my friend was the babysitter for all of these children. She loves kids, and loves babysitting other people’s kids, but she has an extremely full and busy life and she seems pretty happy not to have had kids of her own, under the circumstances. She probably has a few regrets, late at night, but for the most part, I think she’s pretty content with the fact that she does not have kids.

I don’t have kids by a definite choice. I pretty much decided that when I was around 4 or 5 years old. I’ve just always known that I didn’t want kids, at least not the two legged human kind. So she and I are really close and even though we both are childless for different reasons, both of us are more than content not to have children at this point in our lives.

My best friend (the first friend is a lifelong childhood friend, and my best friend live in different cities and have never met, although they know of each other) is also, like me, childess by choice and neither she nor I have ever regretted that decision.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

I hate to say this but I think this will be my wife. She turned 40 this year and we never had kids nor had plans to. I’m getting some signs of I wish we had kids from her in these past few months. I could go either way but kids would be nice. She still says she does not want them but I sense some hesitation. She recently left her full-time career and is finally in heavy counseling for some serious abuse she had in the past so there is a lot of conflict in her head. I could not force her to do it but knew for a long time that she needed it. I love the woman to death and can only be supportive. I hope she can manage to get some issues sorted out, we’re about out of time for this.

JLeslie's avatar

I’m over 45 and I regret it. I always wanted children. All sorts of shit health problems and 5 pregnancies that didn’t make it very far. I wish I had had more perseverance. It isn’t my biggest sadness in my life, but it’s in the top 2.

I get waves or depression and deep sadness now and then because of it. At other times I rationalize that my life is “easier” without them. Easier, but I think I missed some of the great joys children can bring, although I also know children can bring a lot of stress, worry, and sadness.

jca's avatar

The women I know who are childless either did it by choice and seem like they are happy, or tried to have kids and wish they had kids but accept it and enjoy being aunts. The ones who don’t have kids I can’t envision having kids. Then again, my friends who do have kids I couldn’t envision being mothers until I saw it.

@ARE_you_kidding_me: I got pregnant without any fertility help at age 40 and had my daughter at age 41. She was my first and only child. My mother had me at age 24 and then had my sister at age 43, without any fertility help. It’s not too late for your wife.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Mrs Squeeky would have had a kid if I was hell bent on it,but seems fine with our choice as to not having them.
and she is in her fifties now, she likes everything paid for and the idea we might be able to retire before we are dead.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

“And is there any point in ever having children?

Oh I don’t know…

What I do know.

Is that we’re here and it’s now…

-Morrissey

cazzie's avatar

I have a few siblings that never had kids and I don’t think they regretted it.

@Kardamom My sister, just a bit older than me, was the one who always babysat and people thought she’d be the one with all the kids and be a dedicated mom. She had two kids she couldn’t really look after. My mom helped with the first one while she went off to nursing school. Then she found a really good guy, but he didn’t have a high school diploma, so she was the breadwinner. They had a kid together, but because of my sister’s job, (she always worked nights) she wasn’t as involved in their every-day like a regular mom, but she had the help of our mother and her own husband. The kids turned out pretty damn good, but they went through some tough times and I think they grew up resenting the distance from their mother. She was not the nurturing mother type we thought she’d be.

jca's avatar

I should have added that to the women I know who are childless, unless they bring up the topic of their feelings about being childless, we don’t discuss it so whether or not they’re happy or regretful, I don’t know. Some will say they tried for children, or they wish they had children, but if they don’t bring it up, I don’t either.

Some people, in my opinion, are really better off without children. A friend who has a lot of anxiety and depression and can barely manage her own mental health really has enough on her plate without dealing with a child.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Why is this question restricted to approximately half of the population’s feelings on being childless?

Love_my_doggie's avatar

Speaking only for myself, no, not in the least.

canidmajor's avatar

Well, @SecondHandStoke, maybe @ZEPHYRA wanted to hear about the reactions of women. Why not ask a question about the reactions of men?

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