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Scrumpulator's avatar

When your mother is in an mentaly abusive relationship?

Asked by Scrumpulator (564points) August 1st, 2008

Lives, in Italy where you are staying for the summer, and have the money bye a plane ticket back to the states, but not the 1500 extra to ship everything (her life and work) what should you do? the guy just called about something (business related) and starting yelling right off the bat. she hung up, he called back, yelled some more and she hung up again. he called back the third time and I answered “can we talk nice here, Its very simple, you ask nicely for things, and they get done” He hung up on that one, guess he didn’t like that response, It is the first time I have spoke my mind in a month and a half. Kinda stuck here, What should we (I) do about it? Keep myself out of business that’s not mine, or have a talk with the guy about how wonderful my mom is and why he should treat her better so he doesn’t die alone?

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7 Answers

Scrumpulator's avatar

no one wants to touch this one do they? Well it might help

syz's avatar

You didn’t mention whether or not your mother wants out. Ultimately, the decision to leave or to stay is hers. All that you can really do is be supportive and offer what help you can, research her options.

cecildooderbop's avatar

I think you should talk to your mom about it. Obviously she realizes there’s a problem if she doesn’t put up with it and hangs up on him. Have you told her she has the option of moving to the U.S with you? That sounds tough, sorry. But it is most definitely your business it’s your mother.

Scrumpulator's avatar

It does sound tough, How many people have their mom move in with them? Isn’t usually the other way around? oh hell. Thanks people.

cecildooderbop's avatar

It’s totally fine if your mom moves in. Especially if you’re saving her from this.

susanc's avatar

“can we talk here, it’s very simple, you ask nicely for things, and they get done”.

You really have it figured out.

You can’t control other people though. Can you find a way to make peace with that?

You can’t control the guy much (though you did a VERY good job of quieting him, in the moment). You can’t control you mother, though I’m sure she appreciates your support.
She will make her own decisions. She’s a grownup. (Do you believe that?)

One of your Topic words was “relax”. Smart! I think you have all the best answers in you, but you feel a bit powerless. Not true. Good luck.

SeekerSeekiing's avatar

Sorry this is happening to you and your mom. Ultimately it is her decision. I would invite you not to badger her, be sarcastic to him, or do anything that might help him isolate her from you. Tell her one time that when she’s had enough and is ready to leave you’ll do all you can do to help her do that. Then just be there for her. It’s hard I know.

If she is giving you a daily accounting of how mean he is—ask her several times what she is going to do about it. If she just wants to vent and not DO anything then eventually tell her you cannot listen to the day-by-day uglyness; and when it’s not okay with her any more, you’ll help her.

If she is venting to you—then she is probably letting off her steam and hanging up satisfied. She needs to know you don’t want to hear of someone talking to your mother that way.

But you have to be IN her life in order for her to ask your help getting out.

I’m wishing you much blessings. Be strong…have your own support system. Namaste’

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