How do I help my sister feel more confident?

How long has she been to that school? Has she ever heard of the school at all? How does she react when she has to go to school besides being unable to go through the door? It sounds to me more like something about that school is bothering her.

Anxiety is a horrible thing. Do you know anyone else who goes to the school and is in the same class or year? Can you introduce them and ask the person to be her buddy for a while. Once she gets there and breaks the ice, makes some friends, I’m sure she’ll be fine, but for now she needs someone to hold her hand.

I’d also speak to the School Counsellor at the school. They might be able to help connect her with some people before she actually has to show up to school.

I know you won’t do this, but the worst thing would be to downplay her anxiety. (I’m guessing it’s anxiety that’s causing the problem).

Start by explaining the normality of her trepidation. Girls her age are under tremendous pressure to fit in. Perhaps you could relate to something that was similar in your life recently that she knows was hard for you. Common ground is the best place to walk with someone who feels potentially inferior. Take her through your thought process that helped you pull the trigger.

Most importantly, I would remind her of the temporary nature of school. That it is a means to an end. Not a permanent place. I would attempt to make her see the long view. If she wants to enjoy the rest/majority of her life,school is a stepping stone. Also important is that anything bad anyone would say about her doesn’t matter in the long run. She probably won’t even know many of the students there anymore when she hopefully moves on to college. Remind her knowledge is power.

Does she have a role model she looks up to? Like one of the girls in the Olympics? Perhaps she could gain strength from them. Performing in front of the world, representing your country has to be nerve rattling. If those girls can get over that,then walking into school is doable.

She should start one day at a time. First day should be the most unnerving. Second day less, and so on.

Lastly. Make sure she feels beautiful. Maybe some new ear rings or clothes to help her feel confident.

Give her a smile and relate to her your absolute confidence in her ability to achieve this goal.
The rest unfortunately, is up to her. For her to fly, she must be pushed.

Good luck.

Peace n love.

Is it being confident about herself, meaning are you worried she is insecure? Or, is she just afraid of the unknown?

Regarding things like new schools, I would tell her everyone is nervous in those situations, but if everyone else can figure out that school than so can she. Ask her specifically what age is worried about. Maybe she will tell you, maybe she won’t. If she does, then you can help her address it.

Some of my regrets are not doing things, because I was afraid of the unknown. I look back to when I was young and I skipped doing several things, because I was afraid. I never told anyone. As an adult I see how some of the things really were a shame that I missed them.

I never was afraid of not being accepted, or that I wasn’t smart enough or pretty enough. Make sure you are worried about the right thing.

I remember not wanting to go to a certain high school (a great school) and I remember crying in the office. Another student came out and talked me into it, how I should just try it, etc.

I think in your sister’s case, once she’s actually out of the building, it’s more of an effort to get her back in.

What school would she prefer to go to? That’s the big question, and then why she prefers that, and then the discussion can ensue about how that’s possible or not possible.

How old is she? Did I miss that? Is this just going to a new high school or is there a reason why she had to switch?

^^Good questions. Is it because of a household move into a new school district? Her parents wanting her in a different school? Or, just going from middle school to high school? We need more information.

You might try subliminal message meditations for self confidence. They are in many different forms,from beta waves to 528 mega hurts. they worked to help me quit smoking. It takes about 28 days to reprogram your subconscious.

You’re obviously going to know her a lot better, so everything here with a grain of salt. Hopefully something might spark an idea.

There’s a huge buildup by everyone in her life about going to a new school. I would guess everyone has been counting down the days for her and every time she sees a new adult, they ask about the change. Beyond that everyone wants to know her thoughts on future directions, like she needs to make those decisions right now, right? Just a guess, but especially for a smart student that a lot is expected of, that can be daunting.

Just reading through your question and thinking about my brother, if he was in that situation, I might just walk through “the worst that could happen” with him. Obviously do it someplace he felt safe and OK talking about it (not in the moment), but really, what’s the worst that can happen at school?

I would think it would be some sort of embarrassment, isolation, or failure. Usually some combination of the three, right? You show up to school with no pants, no one wants to be your friend, everyone laughs, and you end up sniff testing porta-potties as a career for the rest of your days. Or something.

And then remind her that she’d still come home safe, still have her family (if that’s all good), still have her friends (#1, #2, and #3), and she’d still be a bright, responsible student that really isn’t going to end up sniffing porta-potties because the people that love her wouldn’t let that happen.

That way she gets to vent what she’s worried about, indirectly you get an indication of what the problem is beyond the vague terms most people use when they’re worried, and there’s at least the seed that even if the “worst case scenario” came to pass, things aren’t all bad.

Then try to address the root of the issue. Whatever she indicated was the worst case, try to prepare her so she doesn’t feel that will happen. It can be lucky charms, something to look forward to after school, some questions beyond “what did you learn today” that she’d actually like to discuss and keep in mind during the day, just something to fall back on when those moments come.

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Before someone calls me out, there’s nothing wrong with porta-potty sniffers, it’s a noble career held by noble individuals on the front lines of our struggle against excessive stench and foulness. This post is for you sniff testers. ~

When we moved from Michigan to California midway through the school year for my kids in high school at the time (sophomore and junior year) I suspected that might be a problem for them, as I had made a similar move midway through my elementary school year in fifth grade.

So one thing that I did was to take them to the school when it was closed, the weekend before they would be starting on a Monday in January. (I know, right? Going to school on a weekend – what a monster I was.) I think it helped them to get over the initial shock of things, as they had a chance to at least see what the campus looked like when it wasn’t infested with other teenagers.

^^Don’t kids get orientation days? I always skipped mine, but I know they existed so children could practice the layout of the school and how to get from one class to another. I do think going on a day without all the other kids around is a good idea though. Goes back to my thought process that maybe the teen is afraid of the unknown.

Update at last – sorry, I’ve been running around because of this – lots of people to talk to, emails to write…

She’s managed to go into class twice. She’s also walked out twice. That’s fine – baby steps, I’m really proud of her for trying. Luckily, her teachers are being extremely understanding. I hope things work out.

This thread has given me some great ideas, I’ve used them in the talks we’ve had. Thanks, all.

I can’t respond to your questions right now – incidentally, I’m about to drop my sister off at math class. Wish me luck…

It’s great that she has such a loving sister. I’m sure she will reward you by finding her way through this situation. All the best with your and her endeavours.

^ Aw. Don’t make me blush.