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Dutchess_III's avatar

Do you remember the first time you tried to explain a problem logically, only to be shut down?

Asked by Dutchess_III (42442points) August 29th, 2016

I don’t know what made me think of this, or why I still have this memory 50 years later.

I was 4 or 5. I was looking for something, but couldn’t find it. I asked my mom for help.
She became miffed, and stomped into my room, and snarled, “It’s right here! On top of your dresser! Why didn’t you look harder??” Whatever it was, was also surrounded by other stuff.
I tried to explain that I wasn’t as tall as her, and I couldn’t see the top of the dresser, especially not over all the stuff piled around whatever it was I was looking for.
She dismissed me out of hand because it was “right there” where any fool with two eyes could see it.

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15 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

I was dismissed too many times to remember.

And how did you get your thing in the end?

Dutchess_III's avatar

She picked it up and handed it to me, asked me what was wrong with me, that I couldn’t see it there, in plain sight.

JLeslie's avatar

Nope. I don’t remember the first time. I’m glad I don’t. My mom did accuse of us of not looking hard enough for things sometimes though. I dint really consider that someone not taking my explanation seriously though.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

At about the age of 11, I was in the back seat of the car while the parents were in the front. They were discussing how sick my grandmother was and that she didn’t have long to live. I asked if she would be put to sleep, like two of our dogs were. They said that this wasn’t done for people. I asked why and was told that it just wasn’t done. Subject changed.

It’s now 40+ years later, and that conservation still irks me.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Why does it irk you?

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

They could have explained why. My parents were logical, rational people. This was the last death out of the four grandparents, so it wasn’t like they hadn’t been through this before. While they were great parents in many ways, the one area where they often fell short of the mark was in explaining the reason behind their answers when questioned about it.

Dutchess_III's avatar

What should they have said?

JLeslie's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer Maybe they were very distraught, or maybe they didn’t know how to explain it. Or, they just are the type not to explain, and especially not to children. Obviously, I can’t know their real motivation. Were they the type that expected children to be strictly obedient and don’t speak unless spoken too? I’m not assuming they were, just curious.

After reading your answer it made me realize why I don’t have a clear memory of not being answered or heard in that sort of situation, I don’t think it happened much. I do understand why it irks you.

My dad could drive me crazy though. He wanted to talk too much. Explain too much. Discuss too much. Never a moment’s peace. I would beg for him to stop at times. I guess both extremes aren’t good.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

That’s a really good question. And it’s why I support the right to euthanasia for humans under the right legal guidelines.

To answer the question, at the age of 11, I probably would have accepted that our pets just needed to be put out of their misery (one was run over by a neighbor’s vehicle) or even just, “We’ll explain it later. Now is not the time.”

Dutchess_III's avatar

You know, that would be a good Fluther Q. I just don’t know what in the world I could say to the question, if my kids asked. Because we think human lives are more important than animals? Or..we’re kinder to animals? Or the other way around?

Zaku's avatar

Noticing things like that are golden opportunities. When something like that happens at age 4 or 5, you tend to define yourself in response (as a person with the mindset of that age, in a fairly arbitrary reactionary way), and it can become part of your identity, operating at a subconscious level. Noticing it gives you the opportunity to revisit it and gain some freedom and awareness around it and the blind spots it creates in your experience of life. Also your alternatives to that way of being tend to get shut down, and there tends to be some unhealed hurt around it, which you could now work on giving some attention.

jca's avatar

I think in the defense of parents, it’s hard to second guess each situation because there are times that the parent may just be overwhelmed or tired or have something else personal going on. I know for myself, I hardly ever get short tempered with my daughter (partly because she’s pretty good, which I am eternally grateful for), but there are times when I may not always be open to all the questions that she may ask. I try to be patient, but there are times when I’m driving or I’m tired or I’m thinking about something that’s going on and she will talk or ask a question and I may not have the best formulated answer for it.

My daughter has two twin friends (or former friends) and I’m friends with their mom. They can be chatty little kids, as all kids can be. The mom told me sometimes she tells them “Shut the f*** up.” I never say that to my daughter. I never even say “shut up” but I will sometimes tell her the “short answer” rather than the detailed answer (like about why we don’t euthanize people like we do pets).

Dutchess_III's avatar

My mom had “personal things,” emotional issues, eternally.

Wow. The mom tells them to “Shut the f*** up?” My most common dismissal was, “I love you. Go ‘way!”

I can’t even think of a logical answer for why we don’t euthanize people like we do pets. I don’t even know what I’d say, except, “Because we don’t.”

filmfann's avatar

I understand how you feel. As you get older, a lot of those old slights come back to haunt you.
The last time it happened? Probably advising my daughter on how to maintain something in the house she bought from me. Not that she listened.

Dutchess_III's avatar

My parents always said, “You’ll understand when you’re older.” I believed them. Some stuff I’m still waiting to understand. Any day now Mom and Dad!

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