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Briana1712's avatar

My parents are meth heads, what should I do with my life?

Asked by Briana1712 (41points) February 27th, 2017

My parent have been taking crystal meth for over 12 years now. over the years there addiction has gotten worse. when i was 6 i went to foster care, i was neglected and abused by my foster mom after 3 monthes of foster care cps decided to give me back to my parents. when I was 8 my mom stoped making me lunch for school and buying me clothes, when I was 10 my dad stoped going to work and my parents took me out of school, because the teachers keepts calling child support in me because I showed up with dirty clothes and no lunch everyday. At that point it started getting really bad, they’d only spent money on meth. We eventually got kicked out of our apartment and moved in a trailer with a drug dealer. The drug dealer has alot of junkies coming in and out of the trailer, they usually crash on the couch do some dope and leave. I have to sleep on a small chair that hurts my back. I have been molested a few times by the junkies. I am 14 now I usually stay at my friends house and sometimes sleep on tree to avoid going “home” I could barely call that trailer home I do not feel safe there. I work for someone who gives me weed, dabs and pills which I sell I dont like selling drugs but I need the money for food and clothes, I can not get a job because I dont have a social security number or birth certificate. I do not do any drugs I tried a few (meth, herion etc) I only tried em once and I do not like them. I dont wanna go back to foster care for many reason, I still have a fear from when I was 6 about cps. Cps treat kids like objects they do not make it about us kids, they only make it about the money, I’d rather be homeless than go there. my parents are nothing to me now, I had hope for them thinking one day they will change even though they had no intention too, but that one time when I was 10 they ran out of dope my dad was so out there, he ask if I felt pain I said no, then he started punching me in the face saying “do you feel pain now” I tried to run but I grabed me my mom had just watch even when I begged her for help, after he was done my face was all bruised and I had a bloody nose. more phyco events used to happen but since I only go to that trailer every few week and usually hide from my parents the few time I do, so there usually avoided. Im an uneducated 14 year old girl that wants a new life a good future and happiness. I always day dream about how when I turn 18 I will get a security number get a job and be happy, is there anyway I could change my life?

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31 Answers

Zaku's avatar

We probably aren’t legally supposed to tell you to do anything other than tell adults and get the police and CPS to help you. However, all things considered, I think that may be the best thing, and the main choice is about which adults to tell. I would try to think if there are any adults you know who seem like they would be most sympathetic, helpful, and able to help. Relatives, good adults you used to know (teachers, parents of friends, ministers), or even nearby religious people (e.g. Buddhists, ministers).

While I won’t suggest what you should do, I could at least say what I imagine I might think and do if I were in a situation like yours:

First, I would be careful that no one can discover that you are using the Internet to seek help, especially not the nastier drug dealers. I would be careful to get in at little trouble as possible with the dangerous people you live with.

Second, I would very carefully gather what info I can on the nasty drug dealers.

Third, if it were me, I would go to the most supportive adult I could get to, and with their help (by telling them the horrible things you’ve experienced and insisting they can’t take you back to them) take my chances with CPS, and bring a pile of incriminating evidence on both your parents and the nasty drug dealers and people who messed with you to the police. The narcotics division. Get as many of them arrested as possible, and hopefully get the assistance of police so you get better help with CPS.

I would do that because your parents need intervention and help, and none of those people should be doing what they’re doing. Most importantly, you shouldn’t be in that situation. And, I think that trying being homeless has too high a chance of turning out just as badly. And, if you run away and get caught and your parents are NOT in jail, you might end up being sent back to them.

Living as a homeless 14-to-16-year-old girl with no support is very hard, and what happens depends on who you find, and there are many many people just as awful as the ones you’re with now. If I were running away, I would try to find the most trustworthy ally possible, but it’s hard because it’s probably highly illegal to give you assistance running away from you’re parents (especially if they’re not in jail yet), which is part of why I get back to wanting to get them arrested.

cheebdragon's avatar

Do your friends parents know about your home situation?

Cruiser's avatar

Do seek out a church and most do have support programs for homeless and battered women/children. Do NOT feel guilty for turning in your parents as they have done you no favors and they sound like they need help as well. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.

janbb's avatar

Do you have any adults in your life that you can turn to for help? Perhaps an aunt, uncle or grandparent you can live with until you turn 18? Do you go to school at all? Is there a teacher or counselor there who can help you?

I would stay away from your parents and their trailer. It is a toxic place for you. When you are older, maybe you can see them occasionally.

In our town, there is a place called Covenant House that provides support for homeless kids. Perhaps there is one near you. Or as Cruiser suggests – a local church might help you.

Strauss's avatar

First of all, let me say how sad it is that you are interested such a situation. The first priority is for you to find a stable living environment. As someone posted above, living in the streets can potentially be as dangerous as the situation with your parents.

Some suggestions: Go to a local religious center…any denomination, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Spiritualist…it doesn’t matter. Attend a service if you need to, and let someone know about your situation.

Go to a school…_any school, public, private, charter or religious. Talk to someone in the office.

These types of organizations should have resources to help you.

Please keep us updated.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Thank you so much for coming to us with your question. I am very sad you are in this situation.

I am going to suggest something very difficult. You must immediately go to the police. Let them read what you’ve written here. That is all. Go to the police. Tell them exactly what you’ve told us. It’s the quickest way to get out of the horrible situation you’re in and get into a safer place.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Oh @Briana1712… This is such a sad situation…
My advice is the same as @Hawaii_Jake ‘s. Document everything in a journal for a week or so and then somehow secretly call the police.
Doing nothing is not an option. You and your parents need help.

janbb's avatar

@Hawaii_Jake @LuckyGuy But she has had an awful experience with CPS which I assume is who the police would call in.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@janbb Yes, I read that. This whole story is heartwrenching. There are no easy answers. It is my opinion that she must get out of the situation immediately, and the police are the ones to help with that the quickest.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Think of her as a runaway. If she was, where would she go for help?

Strauss's avatar

@Briana1712 All the suggestions above are excellent suggestions, made by members I’ve come to respect over the past years. Look at all the suggestions, and find the one you think would be best for your situation. Maybe you can find an adult from one of the resources above to act as an advocate for you.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Get out of there. Run and run fast. Do what the members above have suggested.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I am so impressed with her writing skills given her age, 14, and the wild dysfunction she grew up in, which had to have worked very hard against her education.

flutherother's avatar

I think your best bet is with CPS. I know you’d a bad experience with them before, maybe you were just unlucky. CPS may not be great but they will at least give you some protection and stability which is what you need right now.

Once you have that I would try to get an education so you can get a better job. It is going to be tough but if you are determined to improve your life you will do it. Just avoid the drug scene. That is very important. Good luck!

MrGrimm888's avatar

Ugh. This is painful, and sadly not a rare case these days.

Where to begin?...

I’m afraid that the police, and CPS are probably your only options. I wager your parents will hate you for turning them in,but that shouldn’t concern you. Please don’t go and shack up with an older man who will “protect” you. That’s where this story usually starts getting worse.

Consider that your post implicates you as a distributor of narcotics as well. Ending up in prison won’t improve your life. I’m not saying lie to the police, but keep that part of your story in mind.

This is a total mess. There aren’t any easy fixes,or good choices.

I would like to say that you don’t deserve this. So don’t punish ,or dislike yourself. Try and look to the future. Never give up. Certainly don’t do any more drugs (you see how your parents are.) Good luck.

Peace n love.

cheebdragon's avatar

If she’s 14 it’s highly unlikely that she would actually be placed in a foster home, there are so many kids in the system and very few people are willing to adopt/foster teenagers from broken homes. She would probably be placed in a group home which in a lot of ways can be just as bad if not worse than being in juvenile hall.

janbb's avatar

I hope the OP comes back and checks in with us.

Zaku's avatar

@cheebdragon How does a group home or even juvenile hall compare to a trailer with methhead violently abusive parents and drug dealers, getting molested, etc?

Patty_Melt's avatar

While CPS is not great, it is the best shot you have. Don’t just let yourself be placed somewhere and forgotten.
Get yourself involved with as many safe, concerned adults as possible.
When you are 14, it is hard to think of adults in any way besides “us” and “them”. There are many people who are good, and caring, and would help kids in trouble if they knew who needed them.
Ask to get counseling. Demand to go to Church.
Talk to people at places you go regularly. I don’t mean personal conversations, just safe, friendly, cheerful. If you stand out, you become more difficult to bury in paperwork, or ignore.
Make some goals, and press your school, CPS, anywhere you can for support with those goals.
CPS gets overburdened. Much as they may want to help, they face a lot of souless lumps, and it gets tough to face that steady stream of faces.
Show them a positive outlook, and relentless pursuit of a solid future, and you will stand out to them in a good way. That will help to keep them motivated to help you.
I imagine your access to internet is limited. Please do your best to keep in touch here. We care, and updates will help us help you.
There are toll free help lines out there, several just for teens. It might help you to call one of them.

si3tech's avatar

@Briana1712 You definitely need a mature advocate! My heart is broken for you. You reached out here. Now find someone in authority who can intervene. Hugs.

Briana1712's avatar

Thank you all for your suggestions. I think I know what im gonna do, im dreading this but I think im gonna turn my parents in and talk to cps… I honestly am terrified, what if I get another abusive home or even worse, what if they give me back to my mom and dad, if they do I dont know what my parents would do to me. but I guess those are risk im gonna have to take. Im trying to find the courage to call them. I think Im gonna think about it for a week, maybe more if im acually gonna do it. I could get emancipated, all I have to do is black mail my parents into helping me get emancipated when I turn 16, but I dont think im brave enough to threaten my parents, I might just do nothing about the situation till im 18 because I dont think I have the courage. I think I could live like this for another 4 years. if I do anything ill try and update, but this is most likely my last update since my internet access is limited. thank you all for the help.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Good luck.

Zaku's avatar

I wouldn’t blackmail the parents because they are meth heads and know drug dealers and all of them have proven dangerous at times.

I also wouldn’t wait 4 years because those people are not going to get safer for you to be around as you get older – they’ll get worse (people on meth almost always get worse and worse) and you will be seen as more and more of a target. You may also be seen as less and less innocent and in need of help by some authorities.

I would report the molestation, violence and drugs (and ability to identify drug dealers) all at once to create an obligation for police to act. An approach to consider might be to approach a lawyer first and see if get them to help you make the report pro bono (which means for the good it does, without a fee). A church could also probably provide or point you to good people to support you (without having to be part of their religion or anything).

Patty_Melt's avatar

You don’t need your parents’ permission to be emancipated.
Talk to an attorney about helping you pro bono. That means free. Sometimes they do pro bono work.
The minimum age to be emancipated is different state by state.
You would have to really prove yourself, big time, to be granted emancipation. Once you get it, it is permanent, like, if you are arrested for anything, you would be an adult, no juevie for you.

Do call one of those teen hotlines. They are trained to help, and they know lots of resources out there for you.

MrGrimm888's avatar

@Zaku . The OP’s concerns are probably valid. Realistically, CPS does fail many children (with due respect.) Police will have to follow the law,which may include imprisoning her for her own crimes. Or, if the circumstances aren’t perfect, her parents will regain custody of her.

She has a hard road ahead,with details she hasn’t even mentioned that will further complicate everything,I’m sure.

She will have to roll the dice somewhere.

Personally, I think a church is not the right answer. But I’ve been wrong once,or twice.

If she’s survived this long,she’s a lot smarter, and more resourceful than most adults. I believe she will make it through this. The strategy of escape will be up to her.

To me. She seems tough as nails , and street smart. She’s going to be ok. But she’ll have to give it everything she’s got to get where she wants to be.

I don’t envy her situation, but I have faith she will thrive despite the odds…

Even the darkest caves have animals that have evolved to thrive.

I like the attorney idea. I’d start there. That way she’s made aware of how she could be punished for her crimes,or if self incrimination isn’t possible for someone her age.

Talk to hotline, sure.Ask for an attorney. Someone with litigious knowledge needs to guide her journey.

Judi's avatar

Brianna, what state do you live in?

cheebdragon's avatar

@zaku Ask anyone who has been in juvenile hall and to prison, I guarantee they will tell you that juvie is worse. It’s a bunch of immature hormonal teens, most of them don’t give a fuck about authority, they live in the moment and don’t think about the future or effects of their actions. All of them are trying to prove how badass they are, does that really sound like a better place for her to be locked away?
Meth doesn’t turn people into violent child molesting or beating assholes, her parents were already shitty people or at the very least they were people with mental issues.
It sounds like they really don’t care where she is or what she does and she could use that to her advantage.

Dutchess_III's avatar

But why would she be sent to Juvie? She hasn’t done anything wrong.

cheebdragon's avatar

Group homes are a lot like juvie without as many guards.

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