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Danebiggs's avatar

Is Alcohol helpful in my love life or just dangerously close to destroying me?

Asked by Danebiggs (929points) March 24th, 2017

I don’t have my son for one night so I put some whiskey in my coke from McDonalds because I was lonely?? and the next thing I know I’m thinking about forgetting my exe’s cheating, all the fighting and abuse etc. and considering going to her house and asking her to dance and just holding her and kissing her like nothing ever happened.
On the rare occasion that I drink I forgive everyone for everything.
Is that a good thing or should I just lock myself in my room and watch movies until I sober up?

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19 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

Man, stay off the booze until you get past your ex.

Your alcohol driven “forgiveness” is only good until you sober up. Then you are filled with renewed resentment and also anger at yourself.

Danebiggs's avatar

I think you’re right.
It’s fun to think of kissing her without all the anger for a minute.
Luckily I just bought the smallest bottle of Rye they had because I knew in my condition I would drink whatever I had.
Should I have gone there and kissed her while I felt up to it?
Then hated her like usual the next day? and why am I so much faster at texting when I’m drunk?
This is amazing.
I can type so much faster now, LoL!

MrGrimm888's avatar

There aren’t any answers in the bottom of a bottle. I keep looking though….

If she was as bad as you say, I would respect myself, and move on. (Easy to say right?)

Sometimes forgiveness is a gift. Some people don’t deserve forgiveness. I fell pray to this exact scenario one night. Got back with my ex,allowed myself to love her again, and let’s just say, I really screwed my life up…

Good luck brother. I’ve been there.

Peace n love.

Danebiggs's avatar

@MrGrimm888 Yup, I’ve been off and on with her for years.
I don’t think she believes in love she act’s like she’s some kinda animal that just does whatever, whenever.
I know I could go hook up with her, but it hurts because she was my wife and I took that shit seriously.
Am I too serious?
Are all women gonna be the same?
Did romantic movies give me a false expectation of love?
A lot of those movies were written by men, I’m just saying.
This remind’s me of a lyric from an old Matchbox 20 song:
“Well you got to think with a girl like that any love at all is better than nothing.”
Wheww…..women are a beautiful, powerful force.
I better sober up and be careful, thanks.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

Yep. Alcohol makes you weak emotionally, physically and, over time, it will change the chemistry of your brain and make you weak mentally. And it does nothing to enhance sexual performance except remove inhibitions—which you are feeling right now.

Danebiggs's avatar

@Espiritus_Corvus Thanks for the response.
I wonder sometimes about that.
I only drank for like 5 years of my life from age 15–22, but I got hammered!
Sometimes I wonder if it changed the functioning of my brain because I’m kinda an extremist.
Either super happy or really down.
Does it make it hard to function at a balanced level.
I either long for my ex or I hate her guts.
I lay in bed depressed or I’m singing and dancing through the day.
When my ex and I tried to work things out I was either more in love than ever or laying awake completely disgusted by her.
Maybe Alcohol did some damage or maybe she did some damage?
Anyway, thanks for workin the night shift guys and talking to me, I appreciate it.
I’m just gonna finish this movie and listen to some music until I fall asleep.
Thankfully my small bottle of booze is gone and I’m not getting anymore.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

Sleep well, pal.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Yeah bro. Music. Now that’s some good medicine.

flutherother's avatar

I’d avoid the alcohol and I’d avoid your ex and I’d avoid the two together.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Great answers above. You can tell they were given from the heart.
I’ll give you one from the wallet….

How much did that little bottle cost? Let’s say $5.
What happens if you do it again today. Another $5. And the next another $5 Do that for a month and you’ve spent $150. Do it for a year and you spend $1800.
Sure, now you’re thinking it won’t do that every day, and you’d be right. After a month you’d be buying the bigger bottle for $10.
Add in the damage to your brain, your liver, and the DWI charge, etc., and the costs add up to HUGE.
Stop now while you’re thinking clearly.

stanleybmanly's avatar

At least you’re the “pleasant and forgiving” “happy” drunk. But the answer is of course “lock myself in my room and watch movies til I sober up.” But that’s only the answer to “what should I do when I drink?” The answer to the BIG question (as you fully appreciate) is of course: B. Dangerously close to destroying me

LornaLove's avatar

I always say “If you have to drink to like it, it’s probably not very nice anyway”.

ragingloli's avatar

Alcohol is a devious drug and a poison.
It will destroy your life.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Alcohol in moderation enhances life. People just have a problem with the moderation part.

Love_my_doggie's avatar

There isn’t a single problem that can’t be made worse by pouring alcohol over it.

Your feelings of “forgiveness” dissipate when you become sober. Please try to stay away from alcohol until you’ve moved past this difficult time.

Danebiggs's avatar

Aww….thanks for the support guys.
A lot of great answers above.
Moderating alcohol is like walking on a tightrope.
I can’t buy a six pack because I’ll drink all of them.
Last night I just bought like a small 200ml bottle of whiskey and 2 cokes from Mcdonalds, poured half in each and went home.
Well, I don’t drink often so the first drink made me happy and forgiving and the second made me feel tired, sad and “boozy”.
Hmm…it’s like I need a prescription for 100ml of whiskey mixed with something that doesn’t have caffeine in it and then maybe I’ll feel just right ,but the doctor would probably just give me a prescription that says “Get a new girlfriend.”

Zaku's avatar

I don’t think she believes in love she act’s like she’s some kinda animal that just does whatever, whenever.
I know I could go hook up with her, but it hurts because she was my wife and I took that shit seriously.
Am I too serious?
Sounds like you may not take it all seriously enough, if you are considering going back for more punishment.

Are all women gonna be the same?
No . . . Um… Unless you subconsciously choose women who will be that way, and/or behave in ways that lead to that behavior, as part of a relationship pattern you aren’t aware of. I’m not saying that’s true of you, but we all carry emotional baggage around (a lot of it from our parents and ancestors) and if we don’t have a handle on it, it can get us into nasty relationship habits which can look to us like a string of people (or an entire gender) that is all one awful way. If that’s part of what’s behind it, then it may be you who’s going to lead relationships to be the same, in which case you might need to sort that out.

Did romantic movies give me a false expectation of love?

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Good point. I am attracted to crazy women. They are fun at first, then reality sets in. I’ve been in fights for no reason, been slapped, cheated on, stabbed with a beer bottle, on and on etc….

I have been focusing on trying to find “good girls.” Mixed results so far, but I think I’m going in the right direction.

The last two girls I asked out were a teacher, and a professional violinist… No success, but I haven’t been stabbed, or had to fight anyone yet. I think it’s trial and error. For me, mostly error.

But it’s risk vs reward. I too have been deeply in love with a few girls who stomped a puddle where my heart used to be. I’m not sure if I can take another broken heart. But I’m going to risk it anyway.

Don’t give up, or turn to the bottle @Danebiggs . I’ve been down both roads, and they all lead to more misery. Keep hope alive. Laugh a lot. Masterbate when necessary. Moderate your alcohol intake. Most importantly, don’t punish yourself, or any future girl for the crimes of a girl who clearly just personally sucks…

Your ex is the biggest loser here. She lost a good man. One day,she’ll probably realize that is a rare opportunity. Then it will be her that spends her days in misery, and regret.

Danebiggs's avatar

Wow, thanks again you guys are so helpful to me especially during this low time in my life.
I gotta keep trying because I was so happy at certain points of my marriage.
I too struggle with what I want in a new relationship.
Do I look for my soul mate? Does she exist?
Do I just except that people aren’t perfect or perfect for me and just try not to care so much next time?
Do I become a serial dater and just message everyone on the dating sites and see who bites and date a new woman every week until I find the right one?
Do I give up on the search for traditional, romantic, loyal, undying love and marriage and just go back to my ex wife, spank her for being bad and have nasty sex and feel empty inside.
Maybe I just gotta be single for now because I was in a relationship since I was 21 and maybe I’m just scared to be alone because I haven’t been for 15 years.
Anyway, thanks for letting me bounce my thoughts off you guys and thanks for being kind and not judging me.
I’m just trying to get through this.

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