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Blasiangirl500's avatar

Is this a normal part of a relationship?

Asked by Blasiangirl500 (136points) September 6th, 2017

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now. Everything was fine in the beginning, I was laid back and chill, nothing really upset me. We don’t argue or anything, nowadays I just seem to be passive aggressive toward him and give the silent treatment. We have good times together and I enjoy seeing him when I can, but I find myself getting mad at him more often and sometimes it’s a selfish reason too. For instance, he was working 9 hours that day and didn’t eat and was tired, usually, we talk late at night through skype, I was mad at him for being tired and not talking to me. We were skyping, but he was silent and apologized that he’s just tired but still want to know how my day went. This is my first real relationship. I usually break it off with people within a month because I get bored.

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16 Answers

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

It sounds like the gloss has worn off for you. Are you bored with him? If you are feeling a bit bored, perhaps you’re self-sabotaging. If you don’t want to do that, think about some ways to re-ignite your interest. Do you still go on dates? Do you still try to treat him as though he’s special and matters to you? If not, think about how you can invest in him and show him you care about him. Sometimes we have to put effort into our relationships. Perhaps you’ve become a bit complacent. And the things you do don’t have to cost anything, they can just be about you demonstrating your love for him.

Mimishu1995's avatar

You have partly answered the question yourself. You are not used to serious relationship. A serious relationship requires work from both side, which you don’t seem to be doing. Every relationship is like that, starting with everything being perfect and then everything gets boring. If you want to maintain the relationship you have to do some work. You break off with other people because you don’t put enough commitment.

Start with being more understanding and less demanding. For example, if you know he is tired then don’t get angry when he can’t talk to you. Also drop the passive aggressive act. Be direct to him and tell him what bothers you. Passive aggression kills relationship faster than you think.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Relationships have pros and cons.
When we first start seeimg someone, all the good things about them are noticed, and enjoyed. After some time has passed, we tend to flip to the other side of the list, and we are caught up with noticing all the drawbacks of the person/relationship.
You are simply mentally sorting through the good and the bad.
Go with it. Take an objective look at all the good things, and the bad. Weigh it all out, and decide whether it is worth it to you to continue.
Since Skype is your connect, keep a list near your computer. When you find yourself feeling irritated, look over the good things on your list. Doing so should even things out, and help you be at ease while you talk with him.
Do not dispair. You are not in a doomed relationship just because you are not feeling joy all the time.

Dutchess_III's avatar

You haven’t mentioned your age. Do you work? Do you have any daily commitments? It’s a bit worrisome that you can’t seem to empathize with him being hungry and tired after working all day, thinking he should focus solely on you, and what makes you happy, instead, and that he should lose sleep to talk to you instead.

Blasiangirl500's avatar

I’m 24 and I work and go to school. When I’m tired, I act the same way he does when he’s tired as well. The only difference is that he’s more understanding and I get annoyed. I’m trying to be more patient and understanding as well. It’s affecting him because he gets upset by it and I feel bad because he shouldn’t be apologizing for being tired or hungry from a long day at work.

Coloma's avatar

Just run o’ the mill self centered immaturity here. Just keep working on your patience and understanding and take the focus off of your own needs when your boyfriend has had a rough day.
People that take their crappy moods out on their partners are not going to have a good relationship. Period.

Lashing out and acting like a 4 year old when things don;t go your way is not what adults do. They communicate to their partners that they are tired, hungry, need some rest, are not feeling well and then they do what they need to do without creating drama for each other. It’s called mutual support not competition over who is more tired, worked harder that day, etc.

catlover1221's avatar

Honestly, after being married for 16 years myself, and having lived with my husband for three before marriage, I would say, after being a demanding person in the beginning myself, I had to change my ideals on what a relationship is. You are very focused on yourself and your needs over his own, and in order to make a serious relationship work, you should be comforting when he’s had a rough day, just like how you’d love to be comforted when you’ve had a trying day yourself. You can’t expect him to give it without you giving it first.

Also, you are obviously young, and you have your own priorities in the forefront, so I believe you’re not ready for a serious relationship if you feel his being tired and hungry is a bad way of being toward you. Be sympathetic. Partners should never put themselves first before the other without even acknowledging that they live too. I have a feeling if you don’t get over yourself, and let go of the ‘shiny’ requirement of a relationship, you will never achieve a happy, serious relationship with someone. Just saying…

Dutchess_III's avatar

^^^ Well said.

I read something once like, “A marriage (or relationship) is not a 50/50 proposition. It’s a 100/100 proposition. Each person has to give 100%.” And that’s true.
Unfortunately, in many relationship one person feels, for some reason, that their needs are somehow more important than their partner’s. That is a recipe for failure.

catlover1221's avatar

Yes, and as my parents taised me to believe is that communication is most important, and that a couple must never go to bed angry at each other

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, if my parents taised me I’d believe whatever the hell they wanted me to believe! LOL! (Just teasing you!)

catlover1221's avatar

LOL! I just saw my typo, hahaa!

Coloma's avatar

Tasing your kids is abusive, I hope they didn’t keep you in a dog crate at night too. LOL

catlover1221's avatar

Lol, no, i meant to say raising, but my on-screen keyboard got the better of me, as it generally does, but yeah, taising sucks, lol!

jca's avatar

“Don’t taze me bro, don’t taze me!”

Dutchess_III's avatar

We know @catlover1221. I never understood the increasing incidents of wacky typo’s…until I started trying to post on my phone! The other day a gal wrote, “I’m skittles, like you but I’m a free spirit.” I said, “Skittles?” She said, “LOL! I was trying to write “open minded” but it turned into skittles.” Still haven’t figured that one out! And she was not open minded, either.


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