Social Question

furious_rose's avatar

Is it ever OK for a man to hit a woman?

Asked by furious_rose (468points) December 16th, 2017

If a woman starts fighting with a man, and she throws the first punch, is it ever OK for the man to hit back? Or should he always turn the other cheek, like walking away from the situation or calling the cops? Is a man hitting a woman, or defending himself, ever justified?

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47 Answers

Darth_Algar's avatar

I’m all about equality, so yes.

johnpowell's avatar

Well, all hitting is wrong. Nobody should punch. Push, run, restrain, do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe.

Most people have feet. And if you don’t have feet your punch isn’t really going to do much. If you punch you pretty much want to punch 99.9% of the time. Just turn the fuck around and run.

Zaku's avatar

Of course, though it may not always be the wisest response, self-defense and fighting back is a reasonable option in some cases. Some women are professional fighters, soldiers, etc. Others may not be but could still be quite dangerous anyway. One I know has threatened to kill me and others, kicked me in the head, thrown objects, and owns a concealed sword.

rebbel's avatar

@Zaku I can’t get that concealed sword out of my head.
What does a concealed sword look like?
How does one conceal a sword?
Sincere question.

johnpowell's avatar

self-defense and fighting back

Are two totally separate things.

snowberry's avatar

I’m guessing that it wouldn’t go well for her if she came before a judge and she hit first. But as they say, it’s all about the details.

flameboi's avatar

The question is, why the woman hit first…

-You bastard, you cheated on me! woman throws the first punch, man reacts, he is an ass…

-You idiot, stop playing grand theft auto! woman throws the first punch, man reacts, he is crazy…

The best for the man is probably to run, call 911, and get a restraining order.

flutherother's avatar

That would be unthinkable in the code of conduct I grew up with. You could never live it down.

SavoirFaire's avatar

As a general rule of thumb, I’d say there are two scenarios where it is acceptable to hit someone:

(1) a self-defense situation (e.g., someone is trying to kill you and you can’t just run away),

(2) a consensual activity that includes hitting (e.g., a contact sport).

In either case, which demographics the person falls into are irrelevant. Since this is just a rule of thumb, there are probably some scenarios that meet these conditions where hitting isn’t acceptable (contact sports often have rules about when contact is or isn’t legal, for instance), and there may be scenarios that don’t meet these conditions where hitting is acceptable (I’m thinking of a hypothetical emergency where you for some reason have to hit someone in order to save someone’s life). But for the most part, I think the rule holds. In any case, I can’t think of any scenarios where the acceptability of hitting someone depends on their demographic characteristics.

marinelife's avatar

I agree that gender doesn’t enter into it. No one should be hitting anyone.

ragingloli's avatar

No, just as it is never okay for a child to hit its mother.

mazingerz88's avatar

@ragingloli What if the mother sells her kids to pedophiles?

mazingerz88's avatar

It’s never ok for any guy to hit back at a woman unless it’s really serious as in violent physical abuse and something that could land the guy in a hospital. A woman using an object or a tool makes it more complicated.

The theory is a guy can restrain the woman or just disengage and leave the scene or hit something else like the wall or something.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@mazingerz88 Sure, that’s the theory. But it’s a sexist theory born of the idea that (“real”) men are stronger than women. That’s not always true, and we shouldn’t force people to subject themselves to danger due to outmoded stereotypes.

Dutchess_III's avatar

So, if a 5 year old hits you first, is it OK to hit the kid back with everything you have?
No. It’s not OK. If a man finds himself in a physically abusive situation he needs to do what a woman should do; GTFO and get a better life.

@SavoirFaire most men are physically stronger than most women. It’s a biological fact.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@Dutchess_III What part of “that’s not always true” made you think I was asserting that it is never true?

Dutchess_III's avatar

The majority of the time it is. That’s true for all mammals, as far as I know, and that makes a huge difference @SavoirFaire. That majority is the reason why it’s not OK for a man to hit a woman just because he’s pissed. If his life is actually in danger, then it’s OK.
By the same token, if a 5 year old comes at you, out of control, with a knife, it’s OK to knock the crap out of him and take the knife away and tie him up.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@Dutchess_III “Not always” is still logically consistent with “the majority of the time it is.” And I would contend that (a) it is never okay for anyone to hit someone just because they’re pissed, and (b) that it doesn’t matter what one’s gender is if their life is in danger. Majorities are irrelevant because it’s the specific situation that matters.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I would contend that if one is in danger of being killed or hurt or maimed it’s OK to hit with everything you have, no matter who it is.

If one is just pissed off it is not. It’s not OK for anyone to hit another person for that reason. It’s especially not OK to hit someone who is smaller and weaker than you, like a 3 year old, although my daughter-in-law’s mother feels otherwise, apparently.

Let’s answer the OP’s specific situation: If a woman starts fighting with a man, and she throws the first punch, is it ever OK for the man to hit back? Or should he always turn the other cheek, like walking away from the situation or calling the cops? Yes. If he has the option of walking away and calling the cops then he should. Is a man hitting a woman, or defending himself, ever justified? That depends on how serious that danger to himself is.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@Dutchess_III So what part of my answers do you think you are you disagreeing with? Because it looks like you’re just repeating stuff I’ve already said while simultaneously being angry with me over it. If it’s not okay for a woman to hit a man just because she’s pissed, and if it is okay for a man to hit a woman when he is in serious danger, then bringing sex and/or gender into our rules is pointless at best and sexist at worse. So what’s your problem with my claim that outmoded stereotypes shouldn’t enter into it?

Dutchess_III's avatar

Boy you’re argumentative today.

The “stereotype” that (the vast majority of) men are stronger and faster than (the vast majority of) women is not “outmoded.” It’s a fact. That’s why it’s more important for men to have restraint than women, although any women who would hit a man is a fool.
That’s why it’s more important for an adult to have restraint than it is for a toddler.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@Dutchess_III No, I’m as argumentative as I’ve ever been. You’re just saying false things in multiple conversations that I happen to be involved in.

Dutchess_III's avatar

(I edited) The “stereotype” that (the vast majority of) men are stronger and faster than (the vast majority of) women is not “outmoded.” It’s a fact. That’s why it’s more important for men to have restraint than women, although any women who would hit a man is a fool.
That’s why it’s more important for an adult to have restraint than it is for a toddler.

Darth_Algar's avatar

@Dutchess_III

He’s being argumentative? You’re arguing with him while at the same time agreeing, whether you realize it or not, with everything he’s saying.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@Dutchess_III The idea that most men are stronger than most women is a fact. The idea that “real” men are always stronger than women is a sexist and outmoded stereotype. If you’re going to argue, at least take the time to understand what you are arguing against.

And by your own logic, it is important for women to have restraint because they need to have it with regards to children. So again, gender is irrelevant in determining whether or not it is important for one to have restraint.

@Darth_Algar At least someone gets it.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, IMO, the idea that a “real” man is anything is complete BS, as is the idea that a “real” woman is any particular thing.

Yes, it is important for a woman to have restraint as well. Everyone should have restraint.

Sorry for my misunderstanding. Explain to me again what you mean by “outmoded,” please.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@Dutchess_III “Well, IMO, the idea that a ‘real’ man is anything is complete BS, as is the idea that a ‘real’ woman is any particular thing.”

Yes, that’s the point I was making.

“Yes, it is important for a woman to have restraint as well. Everyone should have restraint.”

Again, that’s the point I was making.

“Explain to me again what you mean by ‘outmoded,’ please.”

Outmoded (adj.) – outdated; obsolete; not acceptable by present standards.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I know the definition. Which aspect are you saying is outmoded? The idea that there is such a thing as a “real man,” or the idea that men shouldn’t hit women?

SavoirFaire's avatar

The idea that there is such a thing as a “real” man (or a “real” woman). But I also think that it is outmoded to think that there are gender-specific reasons for why men shouldn’t hit women. In general, I don’t think that men should hit women. But I also believe that women shouldn’t hit men. And I believe that men shouldn’t hit women for the same reasons that women shouldn’t hit men. Or to put it slightly differently: I don’t think that the mere fact of being a man or the mere fact of being a woman is relevant in determining whether or not it is okay to hit someone.

janbb's avatar

Are you sure Rick isn’t just feigning deafness? ;-)

Dutchess_III's avatar

And I agree. However, the standard of “Men don’t hit women,” is just a yard stick we raise our children with, and I think it’s an important one.
And there IS a gender specific reason why men shouldn’t hit women. Men shouldn’t hit women because they can do some major damage with one blow. If Rick hit me in the face, he’d break bones.
If I hit Rick in the face he’d barely notice, but boy would he get pissed.
Women shouldn’t hit men because they’ll get the shit beat out of them.

Violence is almost always wrong, as a general rule, for every one.

I couldn’t hear you @janbb. What did you say??

marinelife's avatar

@janbb I am rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.

longgone's avatar

It’s justifiable if, all other aspects considered, it would also be okay for a woman to hit a man. “All other aspects” should include things like possible alternatives and the relative strength of both.

The idea that women can slap men if they’re just offended enough is an insane remnant of some longgone culture.

In case this is really some sort of macho thread: Despite my high number of X-chromosomes, I could certainly do some damage if I were the sort of person to punch people in the face.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Short answer is no.

I would add, this is yet another double standard, in regards to gender. I see the phrase “that’s why men need to exercise more restraint. ”

Women can sexually assault us, and it’s no big deal.

They can also physically assault us, and we are supposed to just take the damage. I was stabbed by an ex-girlfriend with a broken beer bottle once. I did not retaliate. We eventually broke up.

I’m glad that women have the freedom to go through life, with few consequences for their actions. I hope these men learn to behave…......

In my line if work, I see domestic violence frequently. It really isn’t ever OK for a man to hit a woman. But women largely expect that, and therefore push the envelope with men. Most men just absorb the punishment, and just deal with it. Just like with the groping. We just have to take it. We are the ones who will be judged by our actions. The other gender gets another pass….

Dutchess_III's avatar

@longgone “The idea that women can slap men if they’re just offended enough is an insane remnant of some longgone culture.” Yeah. I learned that the hard way when I was about 17! I think I saw in on Gunsmoke. I instantly became of the opinion that a woman would have to be an idiot to hit a man.

Guys, I apologize for being such a vagina (vs a dick) up there. I really think I’m getting sick again and it’s affecting me mentally. I’ll find out tomorrow.

kritiper's avatar

Only as a last resort. Like when she’s coming at you with a knife, gun, club, etc., with the intent of killing you.

Dutchess_III's avatar

If I was a man and an argument with my women resulted in her throwing a punch at me, I’d walk out and never look back.
Couples getting into physical fights is trashy, IMO.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^It’s not that simple. Some men , like me, can be stupid enough to think that people will change, for the better…

longgone's avatar

^ And some people do.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^In my experience, people don’t change…Sadly…

Zaku's avatar

@rebbel In this case, it’s a sword-cane. Looks like a light cane. Small enough to be hidden in a coat. Pull the handle and find a sword blade inside.

rebbel's avatar

@Zaku Thanks for clarification!
Spooky shit.

RabidWolf's avatar

No way, not ever. Block, back away and get gone. No man should ever hit a woman.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Fuckin A.

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