Social Question

JennWithOneN's avatar

Crush on a 14-Year-Old (I'm 16)?

Asked by JennWithOneN (91points) 3 weeks ago

I’m a 16-year-old girl and I have a crush on my friend (a 14-year-old girl). And this is where it gets a tad weird and graphic: I’ve started wanting to have sex with her, and I think about doing it a lot. It’s even worse because she doesn’t even know that much about sex (like, she knows what it is and what goes on but she’s still confused?) and so basically I feel creepy and like I have this huge secret burden I’m keeping from her and I don’t know if I should be thinking these thoughts or not because of the age difference (it’s mostly the sex stuff I’m worried about). I don’t know.

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19 Answers

johnpowell's avatar

Depending on where you live there could be severe legal consequences if something were to happen. And since you are tossing in the same sex thing you have no clue how their parents will react if they find out.. And they will.

You might think it is love or whatever and they would never hurt you. But, it is a 14 year old and something will happen and they will flip out and tell someone and you will wake up with cops at your door.

At least with someone over 16 it can be classified as sexual misconduct. But 14 is going to be a bag of hurt.

And thoughts are normal and there really isn’t a good way to make them go away. In this situation I would suggest just keeping them as thoughts.

janbb's avatar

You can think what you think (and masturbate to relieve the feelings.) Just don’t act on anything unless you get strong signs from her. Even then I would be very careful because of the age difference.

elbanditoroso's avatar

If you’re trying to push sex on a 14-year old who barely knows what sex is – that could be considered rape, and definitely taking advantage of a child.

You need to control this.

kritiper's avatar

Best to keep it strictly on a friendly, non-physical basis until you both turn 18. Restraint like this is what makes one a civilized, mature adult!

marinelife's avatar

If you can’t stop the thoughts and they continue, you will need to stay away from her. She is too young to give consent to sex. You, in some states, are of legal age. Having sex with her would be statutory rape in some states.

You are right, it is kind of creepy. Listen to your instincts. Find someone else to turn your attentions to: someone your age or older.

janbb's avatar

Doesn’t it make a difference somehow that these are two girls? I think if they are both gay, sexual experimentation would not be uncommon at those ages. I don’t know what the law is but to me if they are both gay it would not be so terrible. It could end a friendship for sure.

BellaB's avatar

A two year age gap at your age is pretty big.

Spend more time with people your own age.

If you think you are sexually attracted to other young women of your age, join a local/school group to help you work through this.

She is too young for you – even as a friend without the sexual component.

si3tech's avatar

@JennWithOneN Thinking about it is one thing. Acting on it quite another. I would definitely NOT act on it. There could be serious legal consequences.

JennWithOneN's avatar

@elbanditoroso I mean if we do start dating for some reason I’m not gonna have sex with her or anything, but is it okay just to let myself think about it???

kritiper's avatar

I think it’s OK to think about it. I thought about having sex with so many girls back in junior high school. No harm done.
I wonder what @elbanditoroso will say??

elbanditoroso's avatar

Thinking is fine. I imagine a lot of things myself, that I would never do. There is no such thing as thought crime.

Acting on it… that’s the problem.

BellaB's avatar

@JennWithOneN – 2 years is too large an age gap for a friend, let alone a romantic interest, at your age.

marinelife's avatar

@janbb No, it makes no difference if they are gay. Also, the older one thinks she is gay. The younger one is totally not into sex or thinking about it. That equals innocent. She needs to be able to discover her sexual preferences on her own without an older, sex-obsessed person of any gender pushing her toward one thing or another. At that age, two years is a lifetime of difference in experience.

janbb's avatar

@marinelife Good points although I think we may be being naive about 14 year olds and sex.. Many are having some kind of sexual experiences and many know their sexual orientation by that age; I was certainly making out with my boyfriend at 14. If two kids are both avowedly gay, I don’t necessarily see the age difference as terrible but I totally agree that a 16 year old shouldn’t come on to a 14 year old.

marinelife's avatar

From the Q: ” I’ve started wanting to have sex with her, and I think about doing it a lot. It’s even worse because she doesn’t even know that much about sex (like, she knows what it is and what goes on but she’s still confused?) ”

janbb's avatar

@marinelife Oh, I wasn’t saying that in this situation it would be right. I got that. I just don’t agree that all 14 years old are uninvolved with sex. I totally agree with everyone who says in this situation, the 16 year old should stay away from the 14 year old if her desires are disturbing her and the friendship.

JennWithOneN's avatar

ALSO: I am NOT planning on having sex with her if we do end up together. I’m just asking if it’s okay to think about it and maybe even pursue a STRICTLY ROMANTIC relationship with her?

BellaB's avatar


no. 14 is too young to have a 16 year old friend, let alone a 16 year old with a romantic relationship in mind.

Focus on people your own age. 14 is too young for friendship with you. You are too old for her at this stage in your lives.

kritiper's avatar

@JennWithOneN Keep it FRIENDly.

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