General Question

lilakess's avatar

If I go out with a man and he buys me a drink, should I write to thank him the next day, even if I'm not interested in more than friendship?

Asked by lilakess (789points) August 16th, 2008

Ditto if it’s dinner. The thing is, I would write to thank a friend, so it seems like common courtesy… when someone does something nice…

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13 Answers

Scrumpulator's avatar

Yes, but be weary, when you do that to a guy that has interest in you it will seem as positive feedback that you may feel the same way. But because you are thankful and are doing it out of kindness, that should not stop you. If he keeps trying to do it don’t let him the next time. *this is coming from a guy. I haven’t gotten many thank you’s from girls after buying them drinks, your one of a kind. :)

gailcalled's avatar

He may, indeed, have been wearisome, but I think a polite thank-you at the end of the date suffices. A note seems over-the-top and, yes, do be wary of men who buy you drinks.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

I have received so many graces after a good time the night before I don’t think nothing of it. If it was a good time with a just a friend or someone that I’m trying to pursue. It’s always good to show some appreciation with someone and vice versa.

I’m sure they will get the picture when you blow them off or start talking about a new guy in your life. :P

syz's avatar

Wow. A thank you note? For a drink? I guess I’m a rude person. I can barely get thank you notes written when someone gives me a gift.

lilakess's avatar

When I say write, btw, I mean an email. It’s not like I’m getting out the engraved stationary.

lilakess's avatar

Also, I expect a man to pay when he asks me out (and maybe if I ask him out, which would be super cool, but less expected). It doesn’t have to be fancy, a cup of coffee is fine, but if he doesn’t pay, it’s very rare that I will find him attractive after that. I can’t help it. Call me traditional, or old fashioned but somehow it’s deeply ingrained. So, I feel it’s nice to be extra appreciative.

tinyfaery's avatar

@syz That’s the first thing I thought of too.

PupnTaco's avatar

Thank him at the moment, no need to follow up.

Poser's avatar

I don’t think an email would be terribly unusual or over the top. But, like Scrumpulator said, be careful if you aren’t interested in further pursuing the relationship, as it would more than likely be interpreted as such.

On the other hand, a well written note that both thanks and informs of your non-interest would serve two purposes. Most women that haven’t been interested in me after a date or two have been much too subtle and left me wondering.

marinelife's avatar

A written thank you is too much, especially if you do not want to indicate interest.

mee_ouch's avatar

I think it’s a wonderful sentiment.
A written Thank You appears to be ‘dying’ a slow death since the inception of e-mail. I for one, enjoy receiving snail mail. It’s much more personal.
You only need it kept short and sweet…not tooooo sweet though. Then he’ll be thanking you!

galileogirl's avatar

For a first date, a thank-you note or email indicates an interest. He may feel the same way you do. It depends how you got together. If it was a set up, then just send him a message through the third party-He was a nice guy but I’m not interested. If he is someone you work with or is a part of your social group then next time you see him, “Thanks, I had a nice time” and continue to treat him as a platonic friend.

emilyrose's avatar

yes a note means you are into him, dont write him! just thank in the moment

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