Social Question

Dutchess_III's avatar

Do you get a little frustrated with people who claim they can't do something, without even trying?

Asked by Dutchess_III (42290points) October 2nd, 2019

Neither of my younger sisters are particularly computer savvy, although one is, actually, a computer engineer with Boeing. She can write code, but she doesn’t quite understand texting, or all the cool stuff MS Office can do.

My youngest sister and I have been communicating quite extensively through texts and phone calls recently. A couple of days ago I told her to send me a text to my email address so I can put it in my email contacts. If I have a long message to compose I’d rather do it on my desktop or laptop keyboard than the phone.
She came back with “My phone can’t text to email.”
I said, “What message did it give you when you tried?”
No reply.

She has Verizon so today I googled Verizon, how to send text to email. It’s like this 5557981111@vtext.com. So I sent her an email text. She replied back pretty quickly and we’ve gone back and forth a few times.
I wanted to say, “Don’t look now but you’re sending texts to my email!”

So now I wonder if she even tried to do it? Does she just not have any curiosity? Is she afraid to try? I have the same questions about the sister who is a computer engineer….they get all scardy cat or something about it all. I don’t understand.

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44 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I suppose you’d just have to ask to find out.
I personally don’t text. I find that and cell phones irritating for the most part.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Dutchess lll-Ask why they claim they can’t do something before trying.

hmmmmmm's avatar

As a former software developer, I can confirm that there is an anti-texting sentiment that is common. It’s an old technology that has too many downsides for many techies, which means that they will avoid it in the way that they’ll avoid other aging tech.

That said, I can offer a solution that might make things easier for both of you. If you are both on Android phones, you can communicate via SMS/MMS right in your desktop browser using Google’s default messaging app here. It seems that you haven’t figured out how texting works on Android, and it’s causing some additional work for you and your siblings.

Additionally, all I can add is – be gentle. This whole life thing is short, and it might be easier for you and your sister’s relationship to take this whole thing a little lighter. Look at why you’re so frustrated with her, and remember that the goal of all this tech you’re using is for communication, which matters because your sister matters.

Dutchess_III's avatar

That would start a fight @lucillelucillelucille. In a text she said “My phone can’t send a text to an email.”
I said, “What message did it give you when you tried?”
She didn’t respond to that, which leads me to assume she didn’t even try. If she had she would have gotten an “Invalid contact” or something. Or it wouldn’t have sent. So, she didn’t even try.
I have concluded that she had no idea you can send text to email and vise versa, and just assumed it couldn’t be done.

Anyway, we’ve been texting back and forth on my email! Did she ever pick up on that I wonder?

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Dutchess_III – Tell her that you will only fight through texts.

Dutchess_III's avatar

We aren’t fighting.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Dutchess_III -Maybe you should.The last word and all that. You will definitely have it if through texts :)

Dutchess_III's avatar

What? We aren’t even discussing that. She’s in a crisis in her life and she’s reaching out.

I suggested sending a text to my email over a week ago. She said her phone couldn’t. I asked what message she got when she tried and she did not respond.
That was the end of that conversation.
We’ve been talking a bout something completely different all morning.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Dutchess_III -I give. Good luck to you & yours :)

Dutchess_III's avatar

There is nothing to “give” @lucillelucillelucille! She and I are not arguing over this. You misunderstood and thought we were. And when I try to explain that we aren’t, you persisted with the assumption that we are.
Once more I try to clarify, that we are NOT, then you say say, “I give,” as though you’re giving up trying to make me understand that my sister and I actually ARE arguing over this topic!

Talk about last word.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Dutchess- “I give“meaning I do not care about this anymore, but if you wish to argue, you can text me. XD
+1 for you :)

Dutchess_III's avatar

I don’t think that applies to her. I can’t think of a thing in our upbringing that would have encourage that. Just the opposite, actually.
She’s never married, so she never had anyone around to lean on, to do stuff for her. I don’t think she’s even dated anyone very seriously.
She’s tough and strong. She used to pro surf.
I just think she’s right on the cusp of that generation (born in late 50s, early 60s) before computers became an integral part of our lives, 25 years later, and she just isn’t comfortable with them. It’s like the loss of childlike curiosity and that makes me sad all day. And it’s a little frustrating when they resist even trying to learn something new.

YARNLADY's avatar

My whole family was computer literate before I tried it out. I don’t like machines (including phones) and they don’t like me. I took to the microwave early on because it made cooking faster and easier, likewise, the dishwasher, clothes washer, dryer, and vacuum cleaner.

Everyone says the computer makes things faster and easier,too, but not the things I do, plus the learning curve is a lot longer. I got my start when I joined needlepoint pattern sharing groups, and question & answer sites.

I still don’t use the computer to make my grocery list. Hubs takes a picture of the list that hangs on the refrigerator, then orders stuff online for pick-up.

Dutchess_III's avatar

We were the first in our circle of friends, AND in our families to get a PC in 1985. I remember looking at them at the computer store and just being amazed that little “mouse” could move the cursor all around the screen! And it would do stuff when you clicked on those things called “icons.” They weren’t even real. You couldn’t even touch them. It was so cool. I clicked and hovered and moved from icon to icon, and clicked some more. I went places I couldn’t even have imagined.
I had worked at Boeing Computer services for 3 years. That’s were we met. Robin worked there until 1992 when he lost his damn mind. So it was only natural that we gravitated toward them. Robin, especially, had a head start on the thing.
It was an Amiga, and you had to insert a boot disk to start.

ucme's avatar

Whenever I tell someone I can knit spaghetti, they claim it to be nonsense & impossible.
You wanna bet?

Dutchess_III's avatar

@hmmmmmm, thanks for your suggestion I have an android phone but I am sure she has no idea what she has.

If we’re both using a desktop (or lap top) we can just email each other. I wouldn’t even want to begin to try to explain SMS/MMS or downloading apps to her.

You lost me on “it seems that you haven’t figured out how texting works on Android…” Of course I understand how texting works, on every phone there is. I was in the wireless industry when it first rolled out in the late 90s. What, exactly, prompted you to say that?

hmmmmmm's avatar

@Dutchess_III: “What, exactly, prompted you to say that?”

I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to offend. I probably shouldn’t have said that or maybe could have worded it differently. All I meant by it was that we all have gaps in our understanding, and a little patience might help maintain a good relationship with your sister.

Dutchess_III's avatar

You didn’t really offend me, although I surprised to hear you say I don’t understand how texting works! You know I do.

I am not showing any impatience with my sister, or with anyone else who doesn’t quite grasp a concept. What kind of teacher would I be if I did that?

@lucillelucillelucille introduced the idea that my sister and I were arguing. I guess she misunderstood my post. It starts here, where she said, ”Ask why they claim they can’t do something before trying.”
I said that would start an argument so I didn’t want to do that.

And that was all she wrote. I was unable to convey that the converstion about sending a text to an email was over a week ago, and it was very brief.
The conversation my sister and I had this morning had absolutely nothing to do with sending a text to an email.

I tried one last time here, but that prompted her to get exasperated and “give.”

And BTW, I haven’t had a good relationship with my sister in over 40 years. The only reason she’s contacting me now is to ask for help, which I am giving to the best of my ability.

Dutchess_III's avatar

And the REASON I like to have people’s cell numbers in my email contacts is because some folks rarely, if ever, check email. If I have a message to send them through text, and its more than a few words, or a couple of sentences long, I can type it up much more quickly, and cleanly, on the lap top or desk top keyboard than the cell phone.

hmmmmmm's avatar

@Dutchess_III: “And the REASON I like to have people’s cell numbers in my email contacts is because some folks rarely, if ever, check email. If I have a message to send them through text, and its more than a few words, or a couple of sentences long, I can type it up much more quickly, and cleanly, on the lap top or desk top keyboard than the cell phone.”

This is what I was saying. Texting is done from a desktop these days. That’s why I sent you the link. It should make things easier for you, and doesn’t require anything from your sister.

Dutchess_III's avatar

“Texting is done from a desktop these days.” What does that even mean? Folks don’t use their phones to text any more? I text from my desktop just fine.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I still text to family, on phone.

hmmmmmm's avatar

@Dutchess_III – You seem to be equally frustrated with me. :)

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yes, I’m getting frustrated because I know you’re computer savvy. But you aren’t really making much sense right now. Explain exactly what you mean by “Texting is done from a desk top these days.”
Texting CAN be done from a desk top, and I’ve been doing it for years.

hmmmmmm's avatar

Sorry. I just ducked in to try help, honestly. I know from experience that providing tech support can be very frustrating. But I’m in a particularly vulnerable and raw place right now, which has given me the opportunity to see that when I give tech support to my family or friends, there is a balance between being “right” and just protecting the relationship. I have learned that I’m not their teacher. I’m a friend, a son, a brother. And more importantly, I’m hopefully there for them in a way that is more human, more personal, than mere tech support.

I hope you are able to work out something with your sister. Sorry you have to go through this. It doesn’t feel good to be upset with people. Hope it works out!

Dutchess_lll's avatar

I just had to send her money and listen to her…for hours on end.
This morning it occurred to me that she didn’t NEED to send me a text to my email to get the info I needed.
I Googled Verizon and got the info I needed to send a text from email, created an email and sent it.
As I suspected / hoped she would, she simply replied to it and we texted all morning about her problems…and I didn’t have to dick around with my cell phone to do it.

josie's avatar

Only if I already paid them to do it.

JLeslie's avatar

It can be frustrating. I try not to get bent out of shape.

Some people have to be right. Some people don’t have to be right, but they might have some sort of belief that is incorrect, and it takes time for them to find out they were wrong.

Some people really have trouble learning new things.

Learning something new often takes some focus, and sometimes people will just give up before they try, because they don’t want to spend the time or the focus. I can be guilty of that. It can become a power struggle. One person wants something done one way, and the other another way, and who is going to win? Text, email, whatever.

I don’t really understand text to email? I would just copy and send the info however the person needed it.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

@JLeslie. There is really nothing to understand. If you compose a text and the addressee is an email address, rather than a cell phone number, that’s all there is to know. It gets sent to their email address, not their phone.

JLeslie's avatar

@Dutchess_lll That crossover with email and text bothers me. I find it annoying.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

But you won’t even know it.

raum's avatar

Maybe “I don’t know how to do that.” actually means “I’m not personally motivated enough to spare the brain cells necessary to figure it out.”

Dutchess_lll's avatar

I think it means “OMG that has to be soooo complicated no way I can figure that out!”
People constantly underestimate themselves. So do students.

raum's avatar

I think the level of complication is relative to how motivated she is to actually do it.

I don’t think it’s necessarily about underestimating themselves.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

I concede that. My sister (and others) assume if it’s computer related they can’t possibily understand. So they shut down.

raum's avatar

I thought you said she writes code? That’s computer related!

Dutchess_lll's avatar

I have 2 sisters. One is a computer engineer for Boeing. She writes code but doesn’t really grasp lesser levels like email, text or MS Office. Or hot keys on a key board. You MUST use the mouse. (Argument from the 80s.)

Then there is the other sister who (we now know) suffers from depression (so did Mom, but they called it ‘Women’s Hysteria’ back then) and who knows what else since she turned 13 in 1976. Her life has been wild. All she cared about was surfing, sex, taking care of animals, shocking people, Buddhism, esoterical philosophy and insulting people who did the mainstream bullshit of material things. Like houses. Kids. Retirement.
At the age 57 things are jumping up to bite her in the ass and she’s freaking out.

dabbler's avatar

The situation as described is technically sending email to your text, not sending text to your email. the vtext facility lets your phone’s txt look like an email address.

jca2's avatar

To answer the question broadly, who knows? Some people are stubborn, some are lazy, some are scared of technology, some may not be quick learners.

I don’t get frustrated with stuff like that. I figure if the person is being stubborn or lazy, or is scared of technology, it’s their loss. If they’re not a quick learner, than getting frustrated about their inability is not going to do me any good. So I don’t stress about it.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@dabbler, maybe I’m not understanding what you’re saying.

I can both send and receive messages / texts from my email.

When I send a message to her phone from my email it’s received on her phone as a text from my email address.

When she sends a text to my email, it’s received as an email message on my computer from her phone number.

Either way, it sure beats dicking around with a phone trying to send a whole bunch of texts to someone who wants to talk a lot.

dabbler's avatar

Dutchess_III Not that it’s actually important to your experience, but the systems that transport the messages in these cases are the classic SMTP/POP3 email systems. E.g. Using an address with ’’ in it is a sign of those protocols. If you were sending to just a (10 digit) number (no ’.’ or ’@’) then you’re using the SMS protocol system.

Dutchess_III's avatar

For Verizon it’s @vtext..com

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