Social Question

steelers13's avatar

Is it worth it to try to get a girlfriend?

Asked by steelers13 (193points) September 19th, 2020

I’ve never had a girlfriend before and im about to be in my mid 20s and I’ve never got close to having a girlfriend. I didn’t have my first kiss till right after I graduated from high school. I have only i guess got lucky enough to have sex twice but other than that, my whole life has been rejection after rejection.

I don’t get, why is it so easy for everyone else. How come everyone else can just snap their fingers and be able to hookup or date or even marry whoever, but for me I can barely get a girl to keep talking to me for more than a few days.
I do everything everyone tells me to do. Be nice to her, make her feel comfortable, be confident, be yourself, make her laugh, make intentions clear, etc. I do all that and im still constantly getting rejected or ghosted.

Everyone keeps saying “dont give up” or “keep trying it’ll happen one day”. But im really getting sick of wasting my time with people. Im getting sick of chasing this stupid fairytale like dream that every day shows that it’ll never happen.

Is it just better off accepting that it’ll never come true and just accepting the fact there’s no out there for me and clearly I’m not for anyone in world. Is it really just better off being truly alone, ive been like this my whole life. Sorry for this stupid long question, i don’t care if no one answers. I just needed somewhere to vent it out

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5 Answers

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Don’t force it or you might have children with a girl you hate and have to pay child support for 18 years.

bizarrefish26's avatar

I am very glad I came across this! I just turned 26 on September 10th and I have yet to have sex with anyone. I’m going to sign up for eharmony but in reality the dating game is over rated. I wasted 5 years of my life on a girl I thought the was the one. Brother im going to tell you like my grandma told me all my life until she passed in 2017. She always said ” Eric honey, know your worth. Don’t lower your standards because you want love. The world is a mean and nasty and nasty place. It don’t matter how tough you are, it will beat you to a pulp. But it’s not about how many times you get hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and get back up and keep fighting. One day you will find your special someone. Believe in Jesus and you will bring you someone at his timing”. I’ve been homeless for about 5 months now living on the street. Many times I tried to give up by suicide. But i’m still living. I believe with all my heart that my heart that my grandma is watching over me. By the grace of god i got a FT job and I’m looking at buying a new car. I’m still homeless but i’m looking at possibly enlisting in the military. I’ve had a terrible childhood. I am a survivor of child sex abuse and a recovering addict. I’ve been clean since 06/18/2018. Take it from me brother. It is definitely worth having a girlfriend but it has to be the right one. I won’t stop looking until I find my special someone. Believe me don’t quit. Keep fighting man! It will happen for you.

seawulf575's avatar

My initial thought was: if you are asking this on Fluther then the answer is automatically NO…you shouldn’t waste your time. But in reality, go for it. But take a few moments to think about where you are looking for a girlfriend and what you are looking for in a girlfriend. If all you are looking for is someone to have sex with, go to bars and pick up some girl that doesn’t want anything long term. If you are looking for a long term relationship, don’t go to bars unless that is something you really, really like to do anyway. Think about what your hobbies are or what you like to do. Then start thinking about where women your age might go to do those sorts of things. Find clubs that do the sort of things you like.
When I got divorced, I was given some advice: go out and date as many different kinds of women as I want. don’t focus on one “type”. That was good advice for a number of reasons. It got me out into the “game” again, made me realize that going out on a date is not a life-time commitment, but rather a nice way to get to know someone. So after a few years of this, I realized I wanted something more than I was finding. so I made a list. It was a very basic list…what I wanted in a woman and a relationship. It ended up being only 4 qualifications long, but weeded out 95% of the women I knew. However, I ended up finding my current wife who filled all my requirements. No, I’m not going to give you my list on these pages. Funny thing…my wife had made her own list. It was 4 legal pad pages long…front and back and margins. It was every little detail of what she liked and didn’t like, what she wanted and what she didn’t want. I met most of the list. We’ve been married for 19 years now.
A couple hints: You need to know YOU before anyone else can know you. Don’t enter into the friend zone. If you are dating someone with the idea of it going into a long term relationship, be honest about that up front. It doesn’t mean that you or she has to decide on the first date when to set the wedding for, but it means she knows you aren’t looking for a quick hit-it-and-quit-it relationship. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t. But at least you leave the door open to more intimate relationships. And lastly…don’t play games. Emotions are fragile things to many people and it doesn’t feel good when they are played with.

kritiper's avatar

If it’s fated to happen, it will happen. But not because you want it to. Men do not pick the girls to be romantic with; Women do the picking. Be friendly, be available, but don’t sweat it. Be yourself. If you have a sense of humor, let it out. Women love men with a sense of humor.

And forget about having to get a girl into bed before the third date! That’s BS! A girl might sleep with you on the first date, she might sleep with you on the third date…..Or she may NEVER sleep with you! She might wait 6 months! Just don’t think about it. If she wants to sleep with you, she’ll let you know.
And although this sounds wrong, be a friend. First and foremost. If she wants you to be more than a friend, again, she’ll let you know. If any kind of a friendship doesn’t seem to be going the way you might like, talk it over with her honestly. But be prepared to never see her again. Not because she doesn’t want to see you again, but because you need to look elsewhere for the one you want who might want you.

gondwanalon's avatar

Try joining a dating club or dating clubs where you can date a lot of women. That will likely be stressful at first but could be a lot of fun. I did that and it turned out very well for me. I married a club member 30 years ago and am living happily ever after.
Good luck!

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