Social Question

Dutchess_III's avatar

Why would it bother anyone if a couple doesn't have kids?

Asked by Dutchess_III (43350points) 2 weeks ago

A couple of Jellies opted for kid free relationships. They both say it bothers some people. Any insight as to why?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

26 Answers

hello321's avatar

They claim it bothers people, but there has been zero evidence of this here or elsewhere. I’ve been present for all/most of these “I have no kids and people resent me” conversations since 2011, and it’s bizarre. Nobody cares.

filmfann's avatar

My daughter and her husband decided not to have kids.
My friend John and his wife wanted kids eventually, but waited too long.

In both cases, it saddened me. They would have been great parents.
Kids can be a challenge, but also as rewarding as anything in life.
It genuinely hurts me to think they won’t know the joys I have felt.

Response moderated
chyna's avatar

I chose not to have kids. I do remember people telling me when i was in my late teens, early 20’s that I’d change my mind. It was like the were dismissing my wishes. I don’t remember anyone saying anything to me about it later in life though. Perhaps they did behind my back.

Zaku's avatar

1. The complainers are parents who want grandchildren and/or descendants.
2. The complainers resent the difficulties they had with parenting, and/or those they expect to have, and/or the pressure they felt from others, and they don’t think it’s fair that others might avoid such difficulties, and/or want some sort of compensation of right to complain. And/or they just resent people who choose what to do or not do with their lives. (They will probably not be consciously thinking all of this, but will nonetheless act out about it.)

KNOWITALL's avatar

My gynecologist once said my uterus looked weird. After he read I’d never been pregnant he laughed. Even little thing’s like that are still surprising.

My mom and in-law’s would agree @filmfann. Hopefully your kid had different reasons than we did.

jca2's avatar

I have a bunch of friends who don’t have children. It matters to me not one iota.

It’s great having children but I can see if you don’t have kids, you can live a really nice life so either way, whatever suits people is up to them.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

No clue, but I think the world would be a better place if people would mind their own. Like stop sweating if people are gay or straight, bi, cross gender, want kids or don’t want kids, what the hell ever. None of that effects my day to day life one iota. I have one sister who never had kids, she leads a very happy and content life. Not for me, but to each his or her own. Just my own to cents.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

@Nomore_lockout Some people just want to drive someone else’s bus. Busybodies and micromanagers.

kritiper's avatar

There is a woman here in the state legislature who wants to do away with abortions nation wide. And she has 10 kids!
Insanity! As if there aren’t enough people in the world, some people think there should be more. And if you aren’t producing any, how can you satisfy some other person’s quest to have more?

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Mrs Squeeky and I were harassed by her side of the family for the first 10 years of our marriage ,her mother and one brother inlaw were the worst her mother went as far to tell my wife I would leave her if she didn’t start having children, glad the mother inlaw didn’t do that in front of me I would have totally lost it.
Now 32 years later and feel stronger that ever about our choice about not having children, now my step mom has been a bit of a pain about the kid thing,we tell her we are now in our mid fifties it aint going to happen deal with it, my Dad tells her to drop it, right from the start my Dad has said it’s our choice, so has my Mom.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

Kudos to your mom and dad. Glad to know some people in the world still have common sense, and keep out of other folks business. @SQUEEKY2

Dutchess_III's avatar

So you have family members bugging you @SQUEEKY2? Not random people?

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Have had a friend or two comment,and and occasional co-worker but that’s it.
But it has never been as heated as the mother in-law and the one brother in-law.^^

robbie2499's avatar

I have no idea why people take this issue so personally. In my opinion if both partners are comfortable with not having children, more power to them.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@robbie2499 I think it comes from a good place, especially family.

JLeslie's avatar

They think you’re missing out and might regret it later. Mostly, I think they are trying to be helpful.

A few people maybe just can’t understand it, like “doesn’t everyone want kids,” or they judge that you might have a dark soul, but I think that’s not very often.

I have to admit I find it disconcerting when people hate children, but to me that is completely separate from not wanting to have children or simply never having had children. Maybe some people assume that if someone didn’t have children they don’t like children?

jca2's avatar

I don’t assume that if people don’t have children that equates to them not liking children but at the same time, it’s ok if people don’t like children. Some people are just not particularly good with children either. I always considered myself someone that wasn’t particularly good with children. i have friends that know just what to say to kids and how to act with kids of all ages. I’m not really that way, or at least I don’t think I am.

JLeslie's avatar

@jca2 l never thought about it in terms of someone might feel they are not good with children, but maybe that is part of why some people don’t like them? I think most people who don’t feel confident around children don’t hate children.

I know people who hate children. Hate to be around them and find them extremely annoying. I don’t understand being so bothered by children when that person is rarely around them to begin with, which is usually the case with those types of people. They assume children will be misbehaved.

jca2's avatar

@JLeslie: Some kids are brats, and some kids have issues where they’re hyper or they are looking for attention, and that can be really annoying. Some parents let their kids run wild in restaurants or stores. I find it really annoying when parents ignore their kids in stores and the kids run around like they’re on a playground.

When I was in my early 20’s, I used to work in a day care center and I had one co-worker who was just magical with the little kids. She was amazing. I was never like that. I think I can be good with kids but I’m not magical.

JLeslie's avatar

@jca2 I’m not saying all children are angels. I have a friend who as soon as a child steps in the room or enters the pool he is complaining. The kid has not even done anything yet.

jca2's avatar

My hairdresser is like that. Doesn’t like kids, doesn’t want kids in the shop, even if they’re well behaved.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I think I’m magical with kids.
My 5 year old grandson, Cooper, has some behavior issues due to his mother, but he doesn’t display that around me.
I once told him to pick something up and put it away. His older brother said “He won’t do it!”
I said “Oh yes he will!” I had a certain edge in my voice that Coops wisely heeded, and he instantly picked whatever up and put it away.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

I don’t hate kids, I am not fond of babies ,but don’t hate kids.
We simply didn’t want any in our life and it has been great.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@SQUEEKY2 I like kids a lot, too. The neighbors are great fun and go home. Haha!

crazyguy's avatar

The only way to have grandkids is to have kids. That is the main reason I am glad that my wife twisted my arm into getting her pregnant.

But now the grand-kids’ Mom and Dads have become my best friends (My son is divorced).

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther