General Question

EternalOptimist's avatar

An 18 yr old boy has sex with a 15 yr old girl. Do you call the police?

Asked by EternalOptimist (64points) September 14th, 2008
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

120 Answers

EternalOptimist's avatar

it was consentual but the girl regrets it terribly. Is all depressed. Guy got what he wanted and won’t have anything to do with her now.

willbrawn's avatar

call the cops, and make sure all parents know what happened.

Trance24's avatar

I say no. It is up to her weather she wants to turn him in or not. If she consents to you calling the cops then go for it. But if he doesn’t pose threat to her now, and is out of her life you may just want to leave it alone. Just don’t take this on yourself.

pplufthesun's avatar

Well…seeing that this is your first time on fluther, and your asking such an intimate question and your name, I am judging that in this hypothetical you are the girl and you made a mistake.

I would have your parents meet with his first before going to the cops. Different viewpoints could impact what happens. I would hold off on calling the cops, seeing as it is not forceful rape, but still an adult swayed you to sleep with him so it is illegal.

nikipedia's avatar

No. The fact that she regrets having sex with him does not justify notifying the police. Women of all ages regret having sex with men of all ages. She is taking advantage of the structure of the law to reap vengeance.

poofandmook's avatar

Amen, nikipedia. Couldn’t have said it better myself. I wish I could GA you more than once :)

sands's avatar

If she is of sound mind and body and knew exactly what she was doing, isn’t biologically related to him ( as in first cousin or sister) and he didn’t force her into it-no I wouldn’t. Calling the police would be to abuse the legal system to exact revenge against a teenage child, when the girl in question likely enjoyed the sexual acts as much as he did.

Hobbes's avatar

I agree with what has already been said – It sounds like an arrest would be a manipulation of the system for revenge. Also, keep in mind that the boy’s arrest would completely ruin his life.

XrayGirl's avatar

statutory rape
One entry found.

Main Entry: statutory rape
Function: noun
Date: 1898
: sexual intercourse with a person who is below the statutory age of consent

call the cops and press charges…....

poofandmook's avatar

There’s a big difference also, between the parents finding out and calling the police, and the girl running to them and telling them to call the police. Should the girl tell them to call the police, she’s manipulating the system and ruining a guy’s life just because she couldn’t keep her pants on. If the parents find out, it’s their right as her parents to do so.

marinelife's avatar

I strongly disagree with nikipedia and trance24. The point of the law is that in our culture 15-year-olds are not women. They are children.

The 18-year-old broke the law. He is old enough to know better. It is statutory rape. I would certainly turn him in. Even if it was consensual, he should not get the message that it was OK to do it.

Also, trance24, it should so not be the girl’s decision. If, in the eyes of the law, she is not old enough to decide to have sex, she is not old enough to decide about legal prosecution.

XrayGirl's avatar

YAY Marina!!!!!

nikipedia's avatar

@Marina: What magical event transpires between 15 and 18 that makes a person capable of reason? I know that sounds harsh, but I mean it completely honestly—I think the age cutoff is SO ridiculous and arbitrary that it is not a useful measure.

Hobbes's avatar

A couple things – in the eyes of the law, 15 year old are considered old enough to have sex. Just not with 18 year olds. If he was 17, it would be perfectly legal. Thus, it’s not quite as cut and dry as all that. Furthermore, I feel I must stress again the immense impact a conviction would have on this guy – his entire life would be utterly devastated and he would likely go to prison. Does the punishment really fit the crime?

waterbearer's avatar

It IS rape by statute. However, since she said it was consentual, I wouldn’t involve the cops. IF the authorities find out about it, they could possibly prosecute on their own. She had a tough lesson to learn, I would consider having her talk to a therapist or something.

poofandmook's avatar

Exactly, nikipedia. I know 15 year olds who are more capable of reason than 19, 20, and 21 year olds even.

trudacia's avatar

First hand experience… I was 15 and my first boyfriend was 18. We dated for many months before we finally “did it”. I wasn’t ready…it was horrible…but it was consentual!

Had that situation gone differently, for example, had my parents found out and had him arrested it would have potentially put this guy in jail and he would not have deserved it.

jrpowell's avatar

Hasn’t enough time passed that a rape kit wouldn’t really show anything? It sounds like he dumped her after the fact. Would there still be any physical evidence at this point? It seems like a lot of drama and everyone loses.

Bri_L's avatar

If she said it was consentual its a hard fought battle.

poofandmook's avatar

@Bri L: Actually in the case of statutory rape, it’s not a hard fought battle no matter what the girl might say. In fact, I’m sure that at least half the cases are situations similar to the one trudacia pointed out. Girl and guy are dating. Couple has sex. Parents find out. Girl begs and pleads “It was consensual!!” Guy’s life is ruined anyway.

gailcalled's avatar

“When the girl in question likely enjoyed the sexual acts as much as he did.” That is a brazen assumption and has nothing to do with the issue. (And I would bet that she didn’t)

Why are there age designations for getting a driver’s license? There may be some 14 year olds who will drive carefully, but the law still is reasonable for the general teen-age populace.

Bri_L's avatar

@ Poof

Really, I didn’t know that. Thanks!

I am glad to know that as I have a daughter.

poofandmook's avatar

I do have to agree with gail here. If it was the girl’s true first time, I can practically assure you she didn’t enjoy it a whole lot.

MarcIsMyHero's avatar

I think statutory charges are there to protect minors from creepy old pervs. its ridiculous to think that if he was 17 it would be a complete non issue. she made a mistake. if she needs to talk to somebody about it, it shouldnt be the police. as long as nothing was forced, the guy shouldnt be ruined with criminal charges.

that being said though, i waited with my first girlfriend (until she was 18) because i was scared of what her mother would do if she found out.

Hobbes's avatar

@gail – I see your point. We do have to set some number, even if it’s arbitrary, but is this boy’s life really the one to make an example of?

trudacia's avatar

All, if it makes a difference, I was in love with the guy and he was in love with me! The furthest thing from our minds was “the law”. To this day (many years later) I still consider him the love of my life. In no way, EVER, should he have gone to jail!

I do, however, realize that everone is different.

nikipedia's avatar

@Hobbes: Why do we need to set an arbitrary number? Why not ask people to take a test before they can have a driver’s license?

Oh, wait…

sarapnsc's avatar

This young man should never, ever have had sex with this young girl…stupid, stupid, stupid…there is no excuse for his actions. I put the blame on him, because he is an adult (considered).

I think I would have to view it this way….is the person pressing charges to get revenge, because they are having regrets, etc….then I would say no.

Is the person pressing charges, because it is actually illegal to have sex with a 15 year old, when your 18. I would say yes.

I am all for following the law…but not to get revenge on anyone, because things didn’t go your way.

Do you realize this young man will have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his natural born life!
This is a mess…I’d really have to sit down and think…what if it where my child, and look at both sides.

gailcalled's avatar

@Hobbes; This boy won’t be the first; the law is on the books for a reason. Adult protects child is a sensible generality. A large percentage of auto accidents and ensuing serious injury or death are caused by drunken teen-aged males with licenses.

critter1982's avatar

@Marcis: Actually it wouldn’t have been different if he was 17. Reference this site.

With that said it is ridiculous for a girl to have consentual sex with a male, rethink the situation when it’s over and then want to report him to the police. I agree it seems to be abuse of the system. Unfortunately it is the law and his life WILL be ruined forever.

Hobbes's avatar

The law addresses a generality in the hopes that it will be useful in specific cases – laws are there not because they are inherently good but because they provide justice for individuals. Upholding the law simply because it’s the law ignores the specifics of the case and thus defeats the whole purpose. Laws are necessary, but when enforcing them is optional, and when no-one would be hurt if they weren’t upheld, discretion must be used.

Bri_L's avatar

the difference between a 15 year old girl and the mentality and what is important to her and what should be is huge.

I totally agree with the law. The 18 year old needs to act his age and not take advantage of the mental and emotional stage of a 15 year old girl. Not all of them mind you. But some.

gailcalled's avatar

@Hobbes; well-said and true. I am punch-drunk now from the white noise generated by some answers to other questions. The querent here did not give us very much information, either, so we are cobbling together answers that may be irrelevant.

And I am thinking now of age for draft, age for voting, age for legal drinking, age for legal driving (varies from state to state) age when one can own a bar but not bartend.

gailcalled's avatar

And marriage…

Hobbes's avatar

It’s all very complex, and an important subject to discuss. But the point here, I think, is whether sending this boy to jail would be just. What matters is not the abstract discussion about whether the laws are good in the general, what matters is whether this boy’s life deserves to be ruined. I think that, given the circumstances, it does not.

gailcalled's avatar

And there is always the other side of the story, which we have not heard. Too tired now to think clearly. G

allengreen's avatar

It is important to this discussion to know, in what state did this occur?

MacBean's avatar

Lurve to Marina and poof for spelling “consensual” correctly.

tinyfaery's avatar

Developmentally, there is no difference between a 15 year old and an 18 year old. When someone turns 18, they aren’t automatically blessed with some special wisdom. Some 18 year olds don’t even know who the president is, let alone laws about statutory rape. She consented = not rape. This confusion could be cleared up by changing laws to include age ranges. For instance, if the sex was consensual and the two people in consideration were within 3 years of age of each other (beginning at the age of consent), then the statutory rape charge would not apply.

I had a boyfriend from ages 13 through 19; he was 3 years older than I. We were having sex by the time I was 15, and my parents knew. He was in no way raping me, even when I was 17 and he was 20. I knew what I wanted, and my first time was very romantic, and despite the minor pain, I enjoyed myself. I just don’t see how I was being taken advantage of.

Bri_L's avatar

I am sorry. I disagree with the idea that there is no developmental difference between 15 and 18. Consider the stages in life your in. The ones your leaving. The ones your entering. The demands on your life. The responsibilities you have.

While it is true that when they turn 18 they are not automatically blessed, they are blessed, quite a few anyway, through out the three years of guidance and growth in between.

And while we all know 18 year olds who may not know who the president is, I bet every single one of them gigles at the phrase “jail bait” and can tell you what it means.

What you described in your instance was a good example of what could be right. It is not what I normally hear about how ever.

Hobbes's avatar

I’m just going to state this again – in this instance, does it appear that the boy deserves to be imprisoned?

Bri_L's avatar

In this instance I don’t believe I have enough information to say. I would need to know more.

Strait fact that the 18 year old boy had sex with a 15 year old girl, yup. It’s the law.

Hobbes's avatar

But the law shouldn’t be upheld just because it’s the law, it should be upheld if it would serve justice for the individuals (this is assuming there’s a choice, as in this instance). But I agree – we don’t have enough info to give an informed answer.

jlm11f's avatar

I am not picking a side..yet, but i think it is important to note that physical development is not the only factor. Attention should be paid to emotional and cognitive development and there is definitely a change in those 2 and an increase in maturity between ages 15 and 18, especially for girls.

let me repeat, NOT taking a side, just adding to the conversation. great debate though :)

ckinyc's avatar

send them both to jail! ;)

EternalOptimist's avatar

South Carolina is where it happened. I’m not the girl, I’m an adult man who lives in the neighborhood and knows the girl and her parents. I advised them to call the cops. The girl was NOT seeking revenge. IN fact she covered for the boy and said it was months ago when he was still 17. I believe that to be a lie. She wishes none of it ever happened and does not wish to cause trouble.

Personally I say the kid should be in jail if he was 18. He should know better than to play with jail bait. This is a man who rents his own place, not some kid living with his parents.

BTW, I suspect she was a virgin. She’s a really nice local kid, he’s new to the neighborhood.

EternalOptimist's avatar

Hobbes, upholding the law would prevent this from happening to another 15 year old by this same guy.

PnL, you’re spot on, she was NOT psychologically prepared for this at all.

mzgator's avatar

The law is the law. Until it is changed he is guilty and should be punished. Why did a parent of a fifteen year old allow their daughter to date or socialize with an older boy/man? Don’t tell me you can’t control your teenage daughters and who they date. You can… If you are there and involved twenty four seven. They are free to date whoever they want once they are eighteen. Until then, you make them follow your rules.

poofandmook's avatar

@mzgator: Unless you follow your teen around 24/7, no, you can’t control who they date. You can think you’re controlling who you’re dating, and they can make you think you’re controlling who they’re dating, but the truth is that when they leave for school in the morning, between the hours of 7:30 to about 3pm, you have no idea what they’re doing or who they’re with.

gooch's avatar

@proof she (mzgator) homeschools our teen.

cyndyh's avatar

Even if the kid isn’t home-schooled, it’s not “dating” when they’re at school. You do hear about it if they cut class. Parents do actually have more control over that than most people think or want to admit.

This does, as allen points out, depend on the laws of the state in question. I don’t know what South Carolina Laws state regarding the age of consent.

Bri_L's avatar

@ Tinyfaery – your link as well as the heading for every point says it. “development”.

You are not at the same point at 13 as you are at 18. That just doesn’t make sense. It is a development process.

You may feel the same way, but it might be because you think you should. Or you see others feel that way. Or you want to. Etc. I just disagree.

Hobbes's avatar

Morally, I don’t think you should do this. I really can’t see much good coming out of this, and I can see a whole lot of bad – the kid’s life would be ruined, the parents of the girl and the boy would be humiliated and forced to spend time and money on a trial of uncertain turnout (see below). And of course, the girl would be put through a lot of hardship and pain, particularly if she doesn’t want him to go to jail in the first place. Finally, though the guy sounds like a bit of a douchebag, does he really pose that much threat to the community?

Legally, I don’t think this will hold in court. If the girl is telling the truth, for one thing, what happened may not even have been illegal. Also, depending on how long ago it happened, the Statute of Limitations may apply, and the case wouldn’t go through course. Add to that the high reluctance of the key witness to testify, and you have one long, painful, expensive and probably unfruitful trial for very little gain.

poofandmook's avatar

@cyndyh: Sure, you hear if they cut class. Nobody said anything about missing school. What about a freshman and an 18 year old senior? They go to dances together… extra curricular activities, hang out with mutual friends… lie about ages. Believe me. If a teen is smart enough, he/she can get away with a lot more than a parent might like to admit. I know. I did, and my dad was practically stalking me.

Hobbes's avatar

I think there’s a middle ground here as well, with both arguments. Why not talk to your teen about why you think they shouldn’t be dating older guys before breathing down their necks?

Why not talk to this guy before you have him arrested?

poofandmook's avatar

Good one, Hobbes… GA for you. Nobody stops to think about taking steps to ensure he stays away from the girl… they just want to destroy his life. Nobody has any idea what it’d be like for this guy to have to register as a sex offender anywhere he goes for the rest of his life… and for what? Some law that is way too broad?

Bri_L's avatar

@ great point hobbes.

sarapnsc's avatar

Let’s just all be glad she didn’t get pregnant….

EternalOptimist's avatar

Hobbes, it’ll cost nothing financially. The boy has no parents here. He’s on his own, is associated with a lot of trouble / gang activity and drugs in the area.

People are being convicted decades later for rape, especially of a minor.

The minor girl does not have a choice in whether or not to testify. She does have a choice in whether or not to tell the truth.

The talking’s been done. She’s a liar and he’s as you say a douchbag that preys on young girls.

trudacia's avatar

Just want to point out that the guy’s situation has nothing to do with this. The fact that he’s “on his own” or because gossips in your neighborhood have declared him “bad news” does not mean he’s guilty of anything.

@eternaloptimist, do you have proof that he “preys on young girls”? That’s a pretty bold accusation.

He may be a creep but that doesn’t mean he should go to jail. I assume you’ve only heard one side of the story?

Hobbes's avatar

Well, it sounds like you’ve already made your choice. Sounds like you made it before you even asked the question. But I still would ask you to remember that you do have a choice, and that there may be an alternative to imprisonment. Just make sure that if you send him to prison that you understand the seriousness of what you’re doing and that you are doing it for the right reasons – not out of a desire for revenge or punishment, or because you think he’s a creep, but because you honestly think that it would improve the situation for all involved.

I also agree with trudacia – I would recommend going to him and listening to his version of events. Your name implies that you’re optimistic – maybe you should give this guy the benefit of the doubt before you do anything rash?

Also – I assume that hiring a lawyer would cost some money at least, to say nothing of the humiliation and the time involved. Also – you’re right that the girl would be forced to testify, but do you really want to put her in that position?

nikipedia's avatar

@EternalOptimist: I asked this before and mean it as a sincere question. Why does the burden of responsibility fall 100% on his shoulders? What developmental event do you think happens between 15 and 18? If you honestly want to discuss brain development in adolescents, I would be happy to review these data with you.

Why is it that, by the legal definition some of you are using, a 15-year-old is completely incapable of making the exact same decision that you insist an 18-year-old to be capable of making?

tinyfaery's avatar

@pnl Did you read my link. It talks about emotional, physical and cognitive development. From ages 13–17 there is really no difference, especially for girls.

cyndyh's avatar

@tinyfaery: It had groups of types of “Development” described that happen broadly between those ages. That doesn’t mean that a 13 year old is no different than an 18 year old -not by a long long stretch. It means that these are the things that develop within the time frame. So, you’ve made the opposite point.

@niki: The burden falls on the shoulders of the adult because they are the adult. Different states treat this differently because some recognize an increasing ability to consent depending on the situation. If you don’t want an age limit, ask yourself “what if she’s 14? 13? 12?” There’s some age that you think this is just creepy and wrong, and I bet you’d consider him to have been “preying on a child”. So, if there needs to be a line what do you think it should be?

@Hobbes: The girl’s family wouldn’t have to hire a lawyer. The prosecutor would do that if they deemed the case worthy of prosecution. Or did you mean the expense of a lawyer to the 18 year old man?

@poof: I hear you. The idea that I’m arguing against is that parents have “no control” over this sort of thing unless they follow the teen 24/7. You mentioned school hours, and I think you can be reasonably sure what’s going on at school. You can have as tight or as loose restrictions on a teen’s non-school hours as need be. If you as a parent sense something going on that shouldn’t be, you do more about it. If you got the chance to go to dances and had time to hang out with friends when you were a teen, that sounds like your dad wasn’t exactly stalking you. :^>

Having said all this, if I was the parent of the girl involved I’d still have a talk and good long think before I’d try to have him arrested. It would depend a lot what I thought of the particulars of the situation.

Bri_L's avatar

@ tinyfaery – I reiterate – you are misinterpreting that. I read that. your link as well as the heading for every point says it. “development”.
You are not at the same point at 13 as you are at 18. That just doesn’t make sense. It is a development process.



Most teens ages 13 to 17 will:

Have the capacity to develop long-lasting, mutual, and healthy relationships, if they have the foundations for this development—trust, positive past experiences, and an understanding of love
Understand their own feelings and have the ability to analyze why they feel a certain way
Begin to place less value on appearance and more on personality”

That does NOT mean that 13 to 18 year olds are all the same that means that in that span they most will develop those abilities.

poofandmook's avatar

@cyndyh: actually, the scenario I mentioned was just a commonplace scenario. My situation was different altogether. My dad was a single parent and since he had to work and was going to nursing school, he’d ask people who lived in town to randomly stop by my job and make sure I was there… people I didn’t even know or didn’t know he knew.

tinyfaery's avatar

It means that a 13 year old can have the capacity for this type of judgment; I’m not saying they necessarily will, but they can. And thus can consent to sex.

Refer to my first post regarding what I think about the laws. They should be amended. Just because something is THE LAW doesn’t mean it’s right.

I feel no need to argue my point any further.

cyndyh's avatar

@poof: Ah, ok. I see what you mean now. Thanks for clarifying.

amandaafoote's avatar

If she wanted it & regretted it that’s her own problem to deal with, not the police or the parents.

tinyfaery's avatar

Please see my new question.

Bri_L's avatar

“Have the capacity to develop” is not can. You and I interpret that document very differently.

I did read your first post. I disagreed with it, which is why I started to contribute.

I was, however, interested by your proposal to move the ages closer together. That seems like an interesting idea that might resolve some issues.

As you feel no need to discuss it anymore there is no more to say.

scamp's avatar

I wonder just how consensual this actually was? Did this girl decide to have sex with this guy, or was she talked into it and did it because he made her feel uncomfortable if she said no? The little bit of info given of the actual case makes it hard to know what really happened here. but from the little bit I’ve read, it sounds like a pedeophile in the making.

As far as whether or not the law is a good one…I’m curious. How many of you who think the law isn’t needed have children? The law is there for good reason, and it’s not always used for vengance. It’s used so we can get piece of shit kiddie rapists off the streets and into a cell where they belong. The boy is 18, and knew he was breaking the law when he did this. If his life is ruined, it’s his own doing. If he didn’t want to have to register as a sex offender, he should not have become one, plain and simple. For those of you who disagree, I hope you never have to endure living with the knowledge that some slime has had their hands on your child. But if it happens, I bet you’ll change your mind about the law.

Also, the law can be helpful in protecting the perp from angry parents as well. Sometimes the safest place to be is in jail. The most common defense the slime like to use is saying it was consensual by the way. What rapist has not tried to squirm out of trouble by saying “She wanted it.” Or “The way she dressed made it clear she was advertising.”

trudacia's avatar

I am pretty shocked by some of the responses here. Just to clarify…we are talking about an 18 year old boy right? This is not a man. 18 year old boys are children! Yes their hormones are raging but “kiddie rapists”? “pedophile in the making”? WOW!!

scamp's avatar

So because he is only 18, he doesn’t have to follow the law? If he is old enough to vote, fight for his country, drink alcohol in some states and can be held accountable for all of his other actions, why should this be any different? Is he an adult or not?

trudacia's avatar

@scamp, If you read my earlier post you will see that i had an 18 year old boyfriend when I was 15. We had sex, It was consensual, we loved each other, we didn’t consider the law even for a second. If you were my mom would you have had my boyfriend arrested? He did not force me or even try to convince me to do anything I didn’t want to do. We remained together for several years.

Just asking…do you all really know your 15 year old daughters? EternalOptomist suspects this girl was a virgin….how in the hell would he know if she’s had sex before? That’s a ridiculous statement. Because she doesn’t wear slutty clothes and stay out all night, it must be the guys fault?

Like tiny I have to let this one go now….

gailcalled's avatar

“it was consentual but the girl regrets it terribly. Is all depressed. Guy got what he wanted and won’t have anything to do with her now.”

@trudia; this situation seems to be vastly different from the relationship you and your boyfriend had for several years. “i had an 18 year old boyfriend when I was 15. We had sex, It was consensual, we loved each other,...”

That said, I wouldn’t send this boy to prison; but I would be sure that both sets of parents and the kids got some serious counselling.

scamp's avatar

@trudacia I had sex with an older boy at that age also. And I can understand how upset you would have been if your parents had put your boyfriend in jail. This is not the smae situation. I just want people to realize the is another side to this coin.

The law is there for good reason. It is up to the adults protecting the child to decide whether or not to use it. The asker said He’s on his own, is associated with a lot of trouble / gang activity and drugs in the area. And he’s as you say a douchbag that preys on young girls. This is no teenage love story, so in this case, is was right to call the cops.

This is not to say the cops should be called in all cases, but in this one I agree with the girl’s parents.

Hobbes's avatar

I agree with gail here. It doesn’t sound like they were in a healthy relationship, but as I’ve said before, I’d investigate alternatives before imprisoning the kid. Let the parents know, maybe? Talk to both involved? And be sure about the nature of their relationship and the effect it had on the girl before you jump to conclusions.

I have no children, but I can imagine how emotionally powerful a situation like this must be. However, it doesn’t sound like the guy was a rapist, and “pedophile in the making” is certainly jumping to conclusions. Maybe you’re right, scamp, and the guy does deserve to be put behind bars. But maybe not. Whatever the case, should such a momentous decision be made lightly?

EternalOptimist's avatar

I talked to the investigator and the NEW law says that one kid can be up to 18 and one as low as 14, and if it’s consentual, no law is broken.

Hobbes's avatar

Huh. This is in South Carolina? If that’s the case, then the discussion’s moot. When was this law passed?

scamp's avatar

My “pedophile in the making” comment was because the asker said :he’s as you say a douchbag that preys on young girls. Why does it happening in South Carolina make a difference?

Hobbes's avatar

@scamp – because the law making the whole situation legal was passed in SC. Also, being something of a douchebag who also went out with a girl a few years younger than him does not a kiddie rapist make.

EternalOptimist's avatar

yeah, listen, the kid is not a pedophile, he’s a typical young man thinking with the wrong head that needs to be taught a lesson.

scamp's avatar

@Hobbes No.. your post reads:This is in South Carolina? If that’s the case, then the discussion’s moot I’m asking why you said that. maybe dating a few younger girls is ok, but the phrase preys on young girls doesn’t seem like dinner and a movie.

Here’s a definition for you to peruse.

EternalOptimist's avatar

BUT, if the kid were in another state and did this, and who knows, maybe thet’s why he moved here from Wash DC. From the big city into litte town ville – boro SC and laid the little village darling.

It takes a village and we’ll be watching. For her sake.

poofandmook's avatar

@Eternal: A lesson, sure. That lesson though?

EternalOptimist's avatar

If he were in another state, he’d be guilty as charged and have to pay the debt to society.

EternalOptimist's avatar

to answer some other posts, there was no long term relationship going on here. They’re both in that raging hormones life circumstance and it happened. She’s a good kid, don’t smoke or drink or do drugs, makes good grades, does ROTC etc and goes to church.

He’s a new guy in town that has his homies hanging out all hours of the night and he’s 18 and on his own. I don’t know why but he is. Din’t know what he does, probably sells drugs or something illegal. Sure doesn’t have a job in these parts.

she went there with her brother, the brother left, she stayed and she regrets it.

Bri_L's avatar

as far as the term pedophile refers to an adult and young adults, that is to say teens, it seems that classification is almost entirely limited in its use by law enforcement.

It is mostly used to describe adults and preteens and children. I think we can all agree that is not what is happening here.

While I may not like the idea of an 18 and a 15 year old, I will admit:
A. I am picturing the worst case scenario.
B. I am picturing it with my daughter who is 3 and who I would wish rather not start dating until after she is married.
C. I realize that there is a difference between the scenarios of the evil and good boy, and I as both and adult and a parent of a boy and a girl have a responsibility to my daughter to educate her about these things as well as to teach my son to respect woman about the same.

That being said, I remember what I thought about from 13 to 18 and how I had the parents of every girl I dated in my back pocket, and an open invitation. That scares the hell out of me.

EternalOptimist's avatar

I have a nephew that spent 6 years in prison and a lifetime of registry as a sex offender for getting oral sex from a girl at a party when he was 18 and she was 15, in Ohio.

jlm11f's avatar

@tinyfaery – i believe cyndyh and Bri_L answered the comment you made to me. To answer the actual Q, no i don’t think this should be taken to the cops. I think 15 is young, yes. A lot less mature than 18, yes. Too stupid to know whether he/she should have sex or not? No. They have had sex-ed in high school by that age…she knew what she was going into…in theory. She probably did not realize the emotional toll/effect it could have on her (that’s where the immaturity plays in).

Hobbes's avatar

I agree with poof – maybe he needs to be taught a lesson, but prison is a pretty damn harsh lesson. There may be other ways you can show him the harm he’s caused.

Also, as much as she may regret it, it does sound like she made her own decision, not like he preyed on her. This guy is new in town, and acts in a way that garners distrust, but I think you may be jumping to conclusions about his occupation and character because you don’t like him.

scamp's avatar

Well, if she really did consent at first and then changed her mind because he took off and didn’t call her back, it will come out in court, if it in fact gets that far. We have to remember that just because the cops were called, it doesn’t mean he will be charged, and if he is, he may not be found guilty.

Even if he is found guilty, it doesn’t mean neccesarily mean prison.The courts have decided on numerous cases like this before and they have ways of knowing whether or not the girl is telling the truth. My point is that the law should be there for those that need it, and not diminished by those who would abuse it.

Hobbes's avatar

It’s true that he might not be found guilty, but you must act as though he will be. You can’t call the cops and then secretly hope that he really won’t be arrested.

EternalOptimist's avatar

Listen, the house this kid lives in , he’s the oldest at 18. He is the adult. The rest just hang out and they’re out walking the streets all hours of the night, the kids in the neighborhood are getting into trouble hanging out with them. One teen girl is pregnant already. The old folks are afraid of them and they’re aq nusciance to the rest of us. NO car, no job, MUST be selling dope.

This is a TINY southern town.

Unless he had a record, he’d get probation and a lifetime of registration. He’d do no time. BUt as it stands no law is broken and it’s moot as you say.

My personal belief is the law is the law and who ever said that in this discussion, you’re spot on and I’m in agreement.

EternalOptimist's avatar

the cops were called, no law broken. The two involved live a block apart. The 18 yr old has a girlfriend and did this 15 yr old on the side. He’s planting his seed as often and in as many places as possible.

nikipedia's avatar

So since you disagree with the style in which this guy chooses to live his life, you’re going to look for laws he might have broken and try to get him in legal trouble?

cyndyh's avatar

He might be supported in some other way. You don’t know he’s selling dope. He might be, but you don’t know that. If that’s what you suspect, then that’s what you should talk to the cops about. If these folks are threatening people that’s what you should call the cops about. If they’re causing a disturbance to the peace or whatever that’s what you should be calling the cops about.

If it just annoys you that he had a part-time girlfriend on the side and then ended it, you can show the girl some support, but leave him alone.

EternalOptimist's avatar

The entire freakin neighborhood has called the cops on this houshold. I’ve never called the cops. The household has KNOWN druggies in and out of it. It’s blatantly obvious what’s going on. The cops are watching.

This is getting way off and there are too many unknowns for you.

No law was broken concerning the girl and that was my question so it is now moot.

By the way, it’s MY neighborhood and I’ll welcome you into it, but if you’re a dirtbag, I’ll find a way to get you out of it.


poofandmook's avatar

YOUR neighborhood? Are you the mayor?

cyndyh's avatar

Yikes, indeed.

Bri_L's avatar

I would not let that man date my daughter.

tinyfaery's avatar

Sorry, but I just have to laugh everytime a parent says “I wouldn’t let my kid…” Let stops being an issue when your child knows what they want and has the ability to deceive. If I had a dollar for every time my dad/mom said I won’t let you, I’d be rollin’!

EternalOptimist's avatar

Listen, I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone. It’s everybody’s town / neighborhood. When you move in you’re greeted and brought a meal and some general politenesses extended.

When you start hanging out on the streets at all hours of the night with some buddies for no apparent reason and things get vandalized and such, then you get looked at closer and the people take action for their copmmunity.

It’s tight knit and if you’re disruptive, then you’re gonna have a tough time and the cops will be watching you.

I’m a reformed bad-ass, I know. I was on the other side of the fence and did no good. Now I appreciate my good neighbors and don’t appreciate the hooligans.

poofandmook's avatar

hooligans should really only be applied to soccer hooligans, and they’re okay in my book. I have a scar from a soccer game, so technically I’m a hooligan too.

/end off topic whisper.

Bri_L's avatar

@ tinyfaery I was joking, that wasn’t really the point of the comment.

I was referring to EternalOptimist not the 18 yer old.

It was that his ” it’s MY neighborhood and I’ll welcome you into it, but if you’re a dirtbag, I’ll find a way to get you out of it.” statement. It is the kind of statement that makes the person as bad as the people he complains about. The Gladice Cravitze type

Bri_L's avatar

@poof you kick hoolgan butt

Response moderated
Bri_L's avatar

“I was joking” you did see that, right.

but to be honest , that statement doesn’t jive very well with your claim of being “a reformed bad-ass”

thanks for keeping it civil with me.

Hobbes's avatar

@EternalOptimist – For all your talk of loving tight-knit communities, you apparently fail to grasp that we too are a community, and here we expect people not only to be civil with one another, but to come up with better insults than that.

poofandmook's avatar

what did Eternal say? Can someone PM me?

laureth's avatar

If the sex was by consent, it was only “rape” by the letter of the law – not the spirit of the law, and possibly not even that if he was 17. It appears as though his only crime is “being a jerk,” and that is not illegal.

However, he does sound like an unsavory dude, and if you find him doing anything illegal, throw the book at him, ya know?

EternalOptimist's avatar

throw some salt on it, maybe then it will be savory. The neighborhood I live in is what it is and unless you live here you won’t understand. I’m not capable of fully explaining it. You have to experience it. I deficient, what can I say.

I don’t appreciate being compared to mrs cravitz, so do something inappropriate to your self would ya?

EternalOptimist's avatar

KMA = Kindness Means Alot

As in thanks for the sarcastic jabs / referral to me as mrs cravitz

1432 = I love you too

Bri_L's avatar

I said the cravitz type. referring to your statement

“it’s MY neighborhood and I’ll welcome you into it, but if you’re a dirtbag, I’ll find a way to get you out of it.”

Judge jury and executioner.

I apologize if I have misjudged you. My concern would be for the people who you might misjudge as well.

mela's avatar

the legal age for sex is 14.
at least where i live. firstly, she may have made a terrible mistake by having sex with a boy 3 years older than her, especially for her first time. however, it would not be fair for the boy to possibly go to jail for something they both participated in. the girl could have said no, unless she was forcefully raped. that would be a different story. therefore, the girl should learn from her mistake and be more careful next time. you wont be able to stop teenagers from having sex, but hopefully this will open their eyes to what can happen.

thisisp4t's avatar

YES CALL. Just being 18 you know the law about minors. Being a lowlife that just got what he wanted and just left? I say let 5.0 come his way, its sad to know how many guys do these kinda things to girls. He knew what he was doing, went for the girl, then just left? Id call just for the manipulation involved.

Hobbes's avatar

Sure, he may be a douchebag, but does that justify his arrest? Using the law to arrest someone just for being a douchebag qualifies as abusing it in my book.

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