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Stassi92's avatar

Will my married lover ever reach out?

Asked by Stassi92 (4points) 1 month ago from iPhone

First I just want to say that, I am prepared for negative responses to this question but I’m of course, hoping for honesty and maybe even some sort of comfort through the pain.

We’ve had an emotional affair for years. Just recently, he got caught. After consistent contact every second for years, it abruptly ended. I was of course devastated but I knew that begging and all of that was wrong. It was all wrong. Our relationship started out with me having to dig and find out that he was married, we talked casually after that and then it escalated. Now that’s he’s abruptly cut contact with me I can no longer say that he was in love and caught feelings but I sure did. He called me a few times after he got caught to talk to me about it and then nothing after that. His wife reached out to me with questions and I’ve honestly answered them just like he told me to do if she reached out and because I feel like I owe it to her. I sent him a very heartfelt message in the midst of this, prior to her reaching out and the response that I receive from him was about his child. He said his child comes first. The message that I sent him had nothing to do with either of our children. I was very confused as we’ve always stressed throughout our entire relationship how important our babies were to us. My child knew him and took a liking to him. I responded back telling him his that his child absolutely come first and that I was only asking for an explanation as to why he cut contact so abruptly. During one of the earlier phone calls, one of the last things that he said was that he loved me and to trust him. Honestly I’m not sure what I’m looking for, with wanting him to respond.. is it closure? Do you think that he will reach out? I don’t know. How do I heal from this? Any honest but respectful advice?

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5 Answers

Smashley's avatar

Welcome, and thanks for your honesty and trust.

After all you’ve been through, I think the right thing to do is wait. Not forever, but give it a couple months before you write him off. You’re both people with complicated lives, and these things take time if they’re going to work out. He should know the longer he waits the longer you dangle, and eventually grow to resent it, but you’ll save yourself heartache by just accepting the limbo for now, and letting it either turn out great or fade away.

Samantha4One's avatar

I don’t know what to say, but I think the whole thing was a bad idea to begin with. The minute you learned that he was married, you should’ve gotten rid of your relationship with him to avoid further complications.

The reason he “cut contact so abruptly” could be anything, from him having second thoughts or his wife wasn’t allowing him to call. No wife in the world would want to see their husband with other woman and unfortunately you’re the “other woman” in this case. If he loves you, he will reach out by any means. If you do contact him and he doesn’t talk to you then probably it’s a one sided feelings from your end.

Now that the train has left the station, I would suggest that you cut all contacts with this guy and forget about him. Unless he comes clean with a divorce you won’t contact him on your own.

SnipSnip's avatar

Wake up tomorrow with a plan for your future. Just end this chapter abruptly and go on to the next.

Forever_Free's avatar

Thank you for sharing your story. I am certain there is much more in the depth of things and how the two of you were.
Aside from all the speculation of should have, could have scenarios, the best thing you can do is to cut clean and heal yourself. Seeing a Therapist may help you to grieve the loss while setting you on a fresh course. Yes, it was wrong for each of you to do things in the wrong order. Do this for the sake of being able to live honestly and openly with yourself and your children.
You may never get a full answer from him. You honestly need to move on and go “No Contact”.
Do not jump into another relationship in an effort to heal. Take the time and be gentle with yourself to be able to move to a more healthy version of your life.
I wish you the best in healing from this portion of your life. You will eventually find a path, find a partner, find a friend that will put a better perspective on this and your life.

Stasi92's avatar

Thank you all so much for your answer and being so respectful.

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