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Hawaii_Jake's avatar

How are you? Really. #?

Asked by Hawaii_Jake (35501points) 1 month ago

I started asking this series of questions many years ago here. I don’t remember when I asked it last or what number in the series that was.

In the US, it’s a common greeting to ask, “How are you?” In the vast majority of cases, the asker only wants to hear that the responder is fine or OK. Even if it’s not true, we usually answer that we’re OK.

Fluther is a small community, and some of us have known each other more than ten years. We can be honest with each other.

How are you? Really.

I’m actually in a very bad place myself. Old timers here know that I live with a mental health challenge. My disease was rekindled by extreme stress at work, and I’m currently on extended sick leave while I recover. I am lucky to be able to do that. I am grateful that I have excellent resources. I have a superb psychiatrist and also an excellent psychologist. I also have a good group of friends that provide good support. Another difficulty I’m experiencing is with my family of origin. I’m an out and proud gay man, and they are hostile. It sucks.

What about you? How are you? Really.

If you happen to be someone who usually avoids me because we don’t get along, feel free to answer anyway. This isn’t the thread for arguments. I know how to scroll past. I’m sure there will be sympathetic jellies who will offer encouraging words.

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16 Answers

Tropical_Willie's avatar

I’m great and well, thanks for asking.

How are you, Jake ?

Zaku's avatar

(Responding privately. But I’m basically good. Really.)

canidmajor's avatar

Aw, @Hawaii_Jake, I have known you long enough to know that you are strong to weather these storms, but I know they are hard to get through. Here’s my hand, my friend, hold it and draw some strength and comfort from me. <3

I am disheartened by the fact that my oncologist told me not to relax my Covid vigilance, even though my cancer treatments were over 20 years ago. Apparently I will be compromised for life.

But really, my most pressing issue at the moment is just cute. My neighbor’s dog has a crush on my dog, and scrabbles over the back fence (a 6 foot tall, solid wood stockade fence) every time she can, to see him. She is very sweet, and they play well together, but trying to prevent this has required planning meetings and odd equipment. Chuckling about this has been good for me.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I’m currently in kind of a bad place myself. I have been witnessing people I care about going down on destructive path and I can’t do anything about it. People with out-there belief, people with crazy short-sighted plans… And I can’t do anything because they are so convicted in their chosen path that they don’t know they are heading toward a dark road. Some people are just getting worse and worse. And the worst part is, a few of them are people who I used to idolize, people who I used to consider much better than me and I had to learn from them. The entire scene just depresses me so much.

I have been more sensitive to bad things around me, maybe because of this matter.

Lightlyseared's avatar

I was borderline for a while. Then I crossed the border.

janbb's avatar

I’m in really good shape emotionally since some family issues have been resolved and since I got over Covid, I’m invincible (for at least a few more weeks.) Even the political scene is looking slightly more positive to me although I am terribly concerned about climate change.

Enjoying my vegetable garden and the beach and reading this summer…..

freguarUK's avatar

@Hawaii_Jake. I’m actually in a very bad place too.
Is your situation the same as in the clip Bronski Beat – Smalltown Boy? Or is everything less noble?

smudges's avatar

I’m so sorry to hear that @Hawaii_Jake. We’ve sent a few messages back and forth and I know that’s not the norm for you. Having similar issues, I certainly can sympathize with you. I’m so glad you have such a good support system – that’s vital.

Me? I’m somewhat anxious about the upcoming surgery on Tuesday. It’s on my left rotator cuff, and I know from experiencing it in the past that it’s such a major inconvenience, not to mention really painful. I’ll have to go to physical therapy 3x/week for about 12 weeks, and will be one-handed for that period of time with my arm immobilized against my body. I am relieved that my bipolar depression has stayed at bay since the series of electroshocks I had in 2017. Have you ever considered that?

Blackwater_Park's avatar

I’m doing ok. Recently changed jobs and mostly work from home now. Still stressful, just in a different way. I don’t like sitting all day either. I’m out of shape now so I’m working to get back to where I was when I was more active.

We lost our puppy a few weeks ago and it was a two year search/wait to get the right one. That was pretty devastating. Just yesterday we found another rescue and have had her for a day. That was an unexpected surprise.

smudges's avatar

^^ I’m so sorry you lost your little friend.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@smudges and others, Thank you for your kind words. Electro shock is too radical for my situation. I’m very glad to hear it worked for you so well. Best of luck for the surgery.

canidmajor's avatar

@smudges Fingers crossed and green light sent to you!

smudges's avatar

@Hawaii_Jake & @canidmajor Thanks! I’m sure it’ll go fine – mostly an inconvenience afterwards. :)

janbb's avatar

@smudges Sending a hug!

tedibear's avatar

First and foremost, hugs and good thoughts for all of you.

I am feeling like there is a light at the end of my tunnel at work. My manager retired and it has been difficult for me. She became one of my favorite people ever; a great manager and an amazing friend. I miss her to pieces, but am thrilled she is enjoying her retirement. The new manager is currently in training, and we have emailed several times. If who he is in emails matches who he is in person, I will be in a good place. We have also found a replacement for the co-worker who left. Paws crossed she will be a good employee. I’m too old to deal with nonsense! The hard part has been working with the substitute banker who rubs me very much the wrong way. She will be gone soon, so that’s more light.

My husband is recovering well from his hand surgery. (Thank you again to those who replied to my question!) He only took the oxycodone for the first three days, and has been using ice and, occasionally, ibuprofen. His stitches come out Tuesday and he should be starting physical therapy that day.

On the not so great side, two things are happening:

1. One of my very best friends has stage three endometrial cancer. She is a good wife and mom, and just a wonderful person. All I want is for her to get well. Chemo treatment #2 is Thursday. The first one wasn’t too bad, and I want all of them to be that easy for her. Whatever good juju you have, she could use.

2. I am having some kind of weird thing going on with my head. (Physically) It’s a bit like what I went through several years ago.. That turned out to be stress, and I’m hoping that’s all this is, too. I’ll give it a little time, but will go to the doctor if needed.

Wow… I guess I need to get that out! @Hawaii_Jake , thank you for putting this out here. To everyone else, thank you for listening. <3

YARNLADY's avatar

I am quite happy with my life, overall. Some days things go wrong, but I remain optimistic about fixing them. I just returned from a three day Ragtime Jazz Festival, and I am very happy from that.
I wish I could share my joy with you.

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