General Question

SergeantQueen's avatar

How do I change the way I communicate?

Asked by SergeantQueen (12690points) 1 week ago

Apparently I either don’t make sense, I come off rude, or I am way too blunt.

I admit I can be blunt, but that’s how I communicate. If someone asks me to be honest, I take it literally and I tell my thoughts. Am I not supposed to?

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7 Answers

HP's avatar

Practice. People despite their flaws are fascinating. There isn’t a soul you will ever meet that doesn’t have something to say that you would find interesting. The trick is for you to find it or rather help them find it. One thing is certain. You are unlikely to find it if your concentration is on yourself, your poblems or torments. Talk with those who listen to you despite the flaws you list above. Those who you enjoy talking with and enjoy you. Notice how they manage it. Remember, conversation is an art. Like any other skill, it requires training.

jca2's avatar

You can be honest and still be kind and diplomatic. Honesty doesn’t mean freedom to hurt people’s feelings. Sometimes the saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything” is helpful advice.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
janbb's avatar

Getting into a group therapy situation is a wonderful way to learn how you come across to others and to change if you want to. I was in group therapy for a good while and it was very helpful to me.

Pandora's avatar

@jca2 Its hard what people would consider blunt if you don’t think it was harsh. When I met my husband he had difficulty in that department. I appreciated his straight approach but I knew many that did not. You could equally be straight with him and his feelings would not be hurt unless you said something excessively mean. Sometimes he couldn’t read when someone was trying to be mean. My point is that if you don’t see being straight as being mean because you don’t mean it that way, then it’s hard to see why others perceive it as such.

At times I don’t dance around the point because some people will misread what I’m trying to say in a kinder fashion. So I’m I will get straight to the point because not everyone is great at interpreting what someone means to say. So it may seem as blunt as well.

I’ve done it here. Sometimes I will go the long way around to explain my point to the OP and I will notice others doing the same so as to not hurt their feelings and still miss everyone’s point. So I will then be more direct. I’m not trying to purposely hurt their feelings but some people will read what they want to read. See what they want to see. Believe what they want to believe. So being blunt or direct is often the only option left.

Pandora's avatar

@SergeantQueen When someone ask you to be honest then you have to consider what kind of person they are. If they are direct and the type of person to really consider others’ opinions then be honest. If not then tell them your belief on the matter will not align with what they want you to say and if they insist be vague. This way you don’t feel you are being dishonest. But as pointed out you don’t have to drive in the knife. Unless they are being super obnoxious. At least that is how I sometimes respond.

seawulf575's avatar

Honesty is good. It sounds like what you are missing is a little filter. If someone has a new baby, how do you tell them it’s ugly? You don’t. But if someone has bad B.O.? You just tell them. Sometimes when people ask for you honest opinion they really don’t want to hear it. You just have to either understand those times or just tell them if they don’t want the truth, don’t ask the questions.

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