General Question

Mtl_zack's avatar

How do you make sure you're not in the "friend zone" in the first place?

Asked by Mtl_zack (6751points) September 22nd, 2008

i often realize that im in the “friend zone” after its too late.

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20 Answers

jimmy1014's avatar

I had the exact same problem dude.

Do you guys act like you like each other?

Mtl_zack's avatar

this is just a general question.

it does happen to me A LOT. now, i have way too many female friends. and they all get “moody” at the same time too. sure, it looks, like im pimpin’ with 3 girls with me at most times, but in reality, its not fun.

one factor that might be a cause is my “baby face”. im 18, but i look like im 12. i have no facial hair whatsoever, and i have chubby cheeks and long hair. i will not cut my hair

jimmy1014's avatar

Dang that’s tough n no dude don’t cut your hair ha but if you like one of the girls try to spend more alone time with them..just focus on one..from my experience you gottA send signals n if you get some back dive in! I hope that helps.. Oh n about the whole babyface thing maybe try a different style?

simone54's avatar

The is no escape from the friend zone.

Mtl_zack's avatar

i dont think you understand the question. the real question is: how do i avoid the friend zone completely and dive right in?

simone54's avatar

Unfortunately, I think, the only real way to avoid is to act like asshole to the girl.

jimmy1014's avatar

ohhh ha alright well don’t spend as much time with them make them come to you

@simone I think your right don’t be a friend be a dick ha girls love that! :)

Mtl_zack's avatar

are you serious? thats the only way to get a girl? id rather be a virgin forever than be an asshole to someone i love. the thing is, im a “nice, timid guy” by nature, and i dont think many things on earth can change that.

the world is fucked up.

jimmy1014's avatar

for sure dude it is butt you gotta toughin up maybe not be a dick but show some authority

windex's avatar

You probably should NOT listen to me, but why don’t you just Make a move or tell the girl/s you are looking for something else and/or want More. Since you don’t seem to care about the friendship, your comment/move will either scare them and drive them away or work.
As far as Never even being in the “friend zone” that is #1 Not a bad thing, you can be good friends before becoming bf/gf and #2 it is Your fault, don’t just “Hang Out” with a bunch of girls. Take ONE out on a date, and make her feel special, if you just hang out with 2, 3… girls all the time, Off course they’ll see you as “one of the girls” and/or a friend.
also, it is NEVER LATE for ANYTHING


bodyhead's avatar

There’s actually a theory on this. Fabulous work if you ask me. Click here for the ladder theory.

EmpressPixie's avatar

So… I’m a girl. And here’s my take on it: being shy and timid, don’t worry. Eventually you’ll meet a shy and timid girl and you’ll have a beautiful shy and timid romance. (I’m in the middle of my shy and timid romance right now.) But it probably will take longer.

If you want a strong minded, independent young lady, chances are she’s not going to stick around if you’re a jerk. Hell, if you want a young lady she SHOULDN’T stick around if you are a jerk. So don’t be one.

Just go to places/events where you can meet young ladies and perhaps try to get numbers or email or make a date. If they are used to dating jerks, they’ll be unendingly pleased to have found a non-jerk. If you get turned down, you get the experience you need to do it better.

Um, just, if you end up on a date make sure you both know it is a date. (No, really, I went on my first date with my now boyfriend with NO IDEA if it was supposed to be a date or two people hanging out and enjoying maps.)

Zaku's avatar

Answer: You make it clear you’re interested, right away.

(P.S. The ladder theory is flawed.)

marinelife's avatar

Zaku hit it. That is exactly what I was going to say. When people first meet, they are often reluctant to be out front about how they feel. That is how you get stuck in the friend zone after a lot of wasted time.

When you are interested in a girl, say so. Try, “I am attracted to you. Would you like to go out with me so we can see if there is a spark between us?” That way, nothing is ambiguous. If she turns you down, then you know it would have been the friend zone. Nothing is lost, except time and money wasted until you heard that. You just move on to the next.

Also, if you say you are attracted to someone, there is nothing negative about that. Even if the girl is not interested, she will be flattered. It is not a huge risk on your part. You are not declaring your love for her or anything.

nikipedia's avatar

There is no “friend zone”. There are guys you’re into and guys you’re not. These girls aren’t into you that way. Chances are, there are no circumstances under which they would be. If you’re not interested in being friends on their terms, move on.

Emilyy's avatar

@bodyhead! I was just going to cite Ladder Theory! You beat me to it.

emilyrose's avatar

I agree with Niki. If the girl or guy likes you, the friend zone will not matter. Several of my exes were best friends first. I didn’t care about the zone….....

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I am a girl, and I think there definitely can be a “friend zone”. For example, I have had male friends that I might have dated, but by the time I realized they were interested, I put too much value on the friendship to jeopardize it. Plus once I was in a friendship with the guy, and we were both friends with other girls, I knew they would feel left out if we started dating, might be jealous, it would just mess up the whole thing.

So I have a friend zone, and once someone’s in it, there is no escaping. Like your question, the thing is to avoid it in the first place.

How does one do this?

When you first meet a girl you think you like, try to immediately give her a compliment. You don’t have to say something that reeks of pick-up line, I know you said you’re shy, but something like, “You have beautiful eyes” or the best thing is if you can pick up something actually unique about her, like if she has super-curly hair and you actually think its really pretty say ‘i love your hair’ etc.

(I just read the ladder “theory” and it’s a bunch of bullshit. It acts like women are too stupid to know what we want, and that all we care about is being with someone rich. If that was true, then only rich people would have girlfriends or get married. If that was true we’d have a serious population problem…it’s obviously crap…)

bodyhead's avatar

Calm down La chica. The ladder theory is a huge joke with a little truth sprinkled in it. It’s not written to be taken seriously.

emilyrose's avatar

@ chica… I think the guys you didn’t want to mess up the friendship with were guys you weren’t THAT into…......“you’re just not that into him”

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